你怎么还不睡 Why are you up?
我怎么睡得着 How am I supposed to sleep?
我结婚还不到24小时 I've been married less than 24 hours,
我的老婆就跟我冷战了 and my wife isn't speaking to me.
或许你可以用更积极的态度看待这件事 Perhaps you can think of this in a more positive light.
你只用了短短一天 In one day, you've managed to do
就达到许多夫妻花了几十年才达到的境界 what it takes many couples decades to achieve.
你也睡不着吗 You couldn't sleep either?
当然啦 Of course not.
我也睡不着 Me neither.
但我只是喉咙痒 But I just had a tickle in my throat.
不是什么深刻的婚姻问题 Not profound marital problems.
我们该怎么办 What are we gonna do?
我也不知道 I don't know.
求你告诉我 我该怎么补救 Please, tell me how I can fix it.
就怕你不问 Glad you asked.
在我看来 有一个简单的解决方法 As I see it, there's a simple solution.
你的嘴唇与别女人的嘴唇厮混过 Your lips had a dalliance with the lips of another woman.
如果想重修旧好 It seems only logical that
唯一合理的办法 to restore balance to the relationship,
就是你也找别的男人耳鬓厮磨 you should find another man and dally with him.
我说耳鬓厮磨 是使出浑身解数狂吻一番 And by dally, I mean some hardcore mouth-on-mouth action.
这是我听过最蠢的一件事了 Okay, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
其实我觉得他说的不无道理 Actually, I think he's onto something.
你不会是认真的吧 Y-You can't be serious.
就因为我一时糊涂跟别的女人亲热了 'Cause I messed up and made out with a girl,
所以你也要随便跟别的男人亲热吗 you're gonna do the same with a random guy?
我目前正好单身 I'm currently single.
的确 你单身 That's true. You are.
这是要闹哪样 What is happening?!
我来告诉你是要闹哪样 I will tell you what is happening.
我要以身拯救我死党的婚姻 I am saving my best friend's marriage.
生
活
大
爆
炸
第九季 第二集
谢尔顿 看来你不太懂 Sheldon, I don't think you understand
分手应该怎么样 how being broken up works.
唯一能让我理清情绪的方法 The only way I can sort through my feelings
就是我们之间要保持距离 is if there is space between us.
每次见到你 都会让我心灵再次受创 Every time I see you, it re-traumatizes me.
一遍又一遍经历那些伤痛 I go through the pain all over again.
我也向你问好 Well, hello to you, too.
你想干嘛 What do you want?
我知道我们已经不是一对了 I understand we're no longer a couple,
但我想提醒你 我们还有爱的结晶 but I would like to remind you that we made a baby together.
什么爱的结晶 What baby?
一个网络节目 A precocious little Internet show
人称《有趣的旗帜》 known as "Fun With Flags."
我要挂电话了 I'm hanging up.
好的 咱们半小时后见 Great. See you in about half an hour.
谢尔顿 我才不要跟你录那个节目 Sheldon, I am not doing "Fun With Flags" with you.
为啥不要 Why not?
因为我们分手了 Because we're broken up.
索尼与雪儿就做到啦 Sonny and Cher made it work.
索尼与雪儿这对夫妻曾是热门歌唱团体 还共同主持过综艺节目
他们的综艺节目在离婚后还维持了很久 Their variety show kept going long after the divorce,
直到现在还被我们聊起 and here we are still talking about them.
没人聊索尼与雪儿好吗 No one's talking about Sonny and Cher.
你一定是想到了唐尼与玛丽 You must be thinking about Donny and Marie,
又被人称为奥斯蒙兄妹 同在70年代主持过知名综艺节目
因为我跟你绝对是在聊索尼与雪儿 'cause you and I are clearly talking about Sonny and Cher.
谢尔顿 到此为止吧 Sheldon, this has to stop.
我知道这很困难 I know it's hard.
这对我也不容易 It's hard for me, too.
但分手后的这两天 But I've seen and talked to you more
我们见面与说话的量 in the two days we've been broken up
远远胜过我们分手前两个月的总和 than in the last two months that we were together.
如果你想少见到我一点 Well, if you want to see less of me,
那或许我们应该重修旧好 maybe we should go out again.
真不敢相信你跟曼蒂·周亲热过 I can't believe you made out with Mandy Chao.
相信我 我希望这事从未发生过 Trust me, I wish it never happened.
而你一直以来都知道这事 And you knew about this this whole time?
是的 I did.
而你没想过告诉我吗 And you didn't think to tell me?
莱纳德要我保密 Leonard asked me to keep it to myself.
现在这事跟莱纳德没关系 Let's leave Leonard out of this for the moment.
这是我跟你之间的事 This is about you and me.
等等 我一天就快散的婚姻 Wait, wait, wait, how is my day-old marriage falling apart
怎么变成你们的问题了 becoming about you two?
你等等 Hang on.
我该怎么做才能让你信任我 What do I need to do to make you trust me?
你觉得有一个老婆就很辛苦了吗 You think it's hard having one wife,
你试试有两个 try having two.
你肯定告诉伯纳黛特 I bet you told Bernadette
他跟曼蒂·周胡搞瞎搞的事情 all about he was screwing around with Mandy Chao.
我们才没有胡搞瞎搞 Oh, we didn't screw around.
我们只是喝醉酒 打个啵儿 We just got drunk and made out.
随便啦 我更希望这话从你口中听到 Whatever. It would have been nice to hear it from you.
你来干嘛 What are you doing here?
我来把你的东西还给你 I'm here to return your belongings.
情侣分手都这么做 That's what people who've broken up do.
而你故意不用你强迫症式的敲门方式 And you didn't do your compulsive knocking ritual
好让我没戒心就开门 so I would open the door.
那你就错了 On the contrary,
你现在没资格享受我可爱的小怪癖 you no longer get to enjoy my charming eccentricities.
我们不再是有"福利"的朋友 We're not friends with benefits.
把箱子给我吧 Just give me the box.
等等 你不想过一遍里面的东西吗 W-Wait. Don't you want to go through it
以免有东西我给忘拿了 to make sure I haven't forgotten anything?
好吧 Fine.
我的旧时围巾 My old scarf.
我们去溜冰的那个晚上你围着它 还记得吗 You wore it the night we went ice-skating. Remember?
你是指我一个人溜冰 You mean the night that I went ice-skating,
而你在一边扶着扶手 and you stood at the rail
一边网上搜失温症的症状那晚吗 Googling the symptoms of hypothermia?
我们俩真是天造地设的一对啊 We made one heck of a team, huh?
这是谁的胸罩 Whose bra is this?
不是你的吗 It's not yours?
老天 Oh, my.
这下咱俩都尴尬了 How embarrassing for both of us.
这是佩妮的吧 It's Penny's.
咱俩分手了 Hey, you broke up with me.
我把谁的咪咪 It is none of your business
像披萨面团那样搓揉 都不关你的事 whose naked bosom I'm smooshing around like pizza dough.
再见 Good-bye.
艾米 Amy.
艾米 艾米 Amy. Amy.
敲桌子也行 学到新知识 Tables work, too. Good to know.
闺蜜之夜的巧克力蛋糕 Ooh, brownies for girls' night!
手拿开 我在生你的气呢 Hands off. I'm mad at you.
我知道那是一大笔钱 Look, I know it's a lot of money,
但那个店员说 but the guy at the store said
五到七年内 就能收回成本 in five to seven years, it'll pay for itself.
什么东西收回成本 What will pay for itself?
没什么 那你在气什么呀 Doesn't matter. What are you mad about?
我气你告诉我 I'm mad at you for blabbing to me
莱纳德在北海的所作所为 what Leonard did on the North Sea,
我还气你让我瞒了佩妮整整两年 and I'm mad that I've had to hide this from Penny for two years.
你完全有权对这些事情生气 And you have every right to be mad about those things.
不如这个月的 So, why don't you let me
信用卡账单我来处理 怎么样 handle the credit card bill this month, huh?
你别管了 连看都不用看 I mean, don't even look at it.
如果佩妮发现我一直都知道 I mean, if Penny finds out I've known all this time
却没有告诉她 and haven't told her,
她肯定会认为我是一个坏朋友 she's gonna think I'm a terrible friend.
真希望你从未告诉我 I wish you never told me.
我也希望莱纳德从未告诉我 And I wish Leonard never told me.
他才是最坏的那个 He's the bad guy here.
的确是 I guess that's true.
而你还让佩妮嫁给他 And you let Penny marry him.
比起这个 我买的乔治·克鲁尼 Compared to that, who cares if I bought
限量版的体毛修剪套装根本不值得一提 a George Clooney limited edition manscaping kit?
你好 我想预约你们的婚姻咨询服务 Hi. I'm calling about your marriage counseling services
请问一般怎么收费 and was curious what your rate is.
不是吧 Really?
好吧 Um, okay.
能根据婚姻的长短打折吗 Is there any kind of discount for length of marriage?
我说的是以小时计算的婚姻 'Cause we're just talking hours here.
-在呀 -等会打给你 - Hi. - Call you back.
我们能聊聊吗 Can we talk?
我十分乐意 I would love that.
听着 All right, look,
很抱歉在结婚之前 I'm sorry I said I was okay with everything
我说我不介意 before we got married.
我讨厌我们现在有这矛盾 I hate that we're going through this,
但我不知道该怎么做 but I don't know what to do.
如果你不介意等团购劵出来 If you don't mind waiting for a Groupon,
我们可以试试婚姻咨询 we can try marriage counseling.
你们在呀 Hello.
伙计 Hey, uh, buddy,
你能回避一下吗 can we have some privacy?
当然可以 Oh, of course.
我也不想打扰你们 Wouldn't want to intrude.
这是你的 This is yours.
等我跟他谈完 Okay, when I'm done with him,
咱俩再好好聊聊 I'm gonna need more information.
没什么不妥的 Nothing odd.
我就拿来让艾米难堪而已 I just wanted to rub Amy's nose in it.
听着 我可能是反应过度了 Okay, look, I might be overreacting,
但我怎么可能明知道 but how am I supposed to get past this
你明天去上班就会见到她 我怎么不介意 when I know tomorrow you're gonna go to work
会见到这个女人 and see this woman?
原谅我偷听了 Forgive me for eavesdropping,
但在我看来 有一个简单的解决办法 but as I see it, there's a simple solution.
醒醒 快醒醒 Wake up, wake up, wake up.
带佩妮去见曼蒂 Bring Penny to meet Mandy.
为什么 What? Why?
现在佩妮的胡思乱想根本停不下来 Well, right now, Penny's imagination is running wild,
但如果她们见面了 就能消除曼蒂的神秘感 but if they meet, that will eliminate the mystery
减轻佩妮的恐惧感 and alleviate her fears.
就像那个独眼龙揭了眼罩让我看 Like when that Sparkletts guy let me look under his eye patch.
首先 你把人家弄哭了 Uh, first of all, you made that guy cry.
而我们学到了 没有眼珠也能哭 And we learned that you don't need an eyeball to do that.
其次 带佩妮去见曼蒂 Secondly, I can't think of a more horrible idea
这个主意糟透了 than Penny meeting Mandy.
是吗 怎么说 Really? Why is that?
怎么 你还真想见她 What, you actually want to meet her?
不啊 但现在看你对此反应异常 No, but now that you're being weird about it,
或许我真该去 maybe I should.
我才没有反应异常 I'm not being weird.
我有反应异常吗 Am I being weird?
有啊 Yes.
连我这种怪咖都这么觉得 And that's coming from me.
好吧 你想见她吗 Fine, you want to meet her?
不 我只想知道你们俩上班时 No, I just want to know that when you're at work,
不会发生任何越轨的事 there's nothing going on.
我得说多少遍你才信 How many times do I have to tell you?
我对这个女人一点兴趣都没有 I have no interest in this woman.
或许人家对你有兴趣呢 Yeah, well, maybe she has interest in you.
对莱纳德吗 In Leonard?
就连独眼龙都看得出没可能好吗 Oh, even the Sparkletts guy could see that's unlikely.
我想我最在意的点就是 I guess my big problem is I never saw Leonard
我从来没想过莱纳德也会做这种事 as the kind of guy who woulde do something like this.
人容易在脆弱的时候犯错 Anybody can make a mistake in a weak moment.
你觉得呢 What do you think?
我完全没有想法 Oh, I don't know what to think.
再重申一次 我是刚刚才知道这事 But then again, I just found out about it.
我之所以爱上莱纳德 You know, I fell in love with Leonard
是因为他和我曾经交往过的 because he wasn't anything like the guys
其他人不同 I was used to dating.
我知道那些渣男都喜欢出轨 I mean, I knew those guys weren't above cheating
因为我就是他们的小三 because that's usually how we met.
你知道莱纳德不是那样的人 Come on, you know Leonard's not like that.
我很想相信你 真的 I want to believe you. I really do.
是我好傻好天真了吗 Am I being naive?
我不知道 Oh, I don't know.
第一次听到这事 This is all so new to me.
我还在努力消化中 I'm still processing.
我们刚认识时 他根本不可能做这种事 You know, he never would've done this when we first met.
他现在可能耐了 He's cockier now.
那是因为你让他变得自信了 That's because you made him more confident.
你仔细想想 如果没有你 You know, if you think about it, without you,
怎么可能有现在意气风发的他 he never would've grown into the person he is now.
虽然他现在受欢迎了 I mean, sure, more women might notice him,
但他愿意放弃弱水三千 but I think it's better to have a guy be with you
与你相守 because he wants to be
总好过他觉得自己没人爱 只好巴着你啊 and not because he thinks he doesn't have any other choice.
我还从没这样想过 I never thought about it like that.
我也没有 这是刚想到的 Oh, me neither, not until just now.
大家好 我是谢尔顿·库伯博士 Hello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper,
欢迎收看谢尔顿·库珀出品的《有趣的旗帜》 and welcome to "Sheldon Cooper Presents: Fun With Flags."
你可能注意到我手上拿着遥控器 You may notice that I'm holding a remote control.
那是因为我的摄影师兼主持搭档 That's because my cameraperson and co-host,
艾米·法拉·福勒博士 Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler,
选择中止了与我之间的感情关系 has chosen to end her relationship with me.
我先暂停一会 让你们消化一下 I'm going to pause here to let that sink in.
好了 Okay.
如果你需要更多时间消化 If you need to pause a little longer,
请按下你的暂停键 just click the pause button.
但我的节目还得继续 But the show must go on.
万幸的是 我前女友的一切功能 And thankfully, all the things my girlfriend used to do
我的右手都可以取代 can be taken care of with my right hand.
好了 我们不要再提她了 Anyway, let's not spend any more time talking about her.
我们节目的重点是旗帜 We're here to talk about flags.
今天的主题是 Tonight's theme:
国破人亡的国家国旗 flags of countries that have been torn apart
以及我认为该对此负责的红颜祸水们 and the women I have a feeling were responsible.
你们知道接受婚姻咨询 You guys have any idea how much it costs
需要多少钱吗 to see a marriage counselor?
每小时250刀 怎么了 $250 an hour. Why?
你怎么知道 How do you know?
博纳黛特和我偶尔会去参加一次 Bernadette and I have occasionally gone to one to,
防范于未然嘛 you know, stay on top of things.
而我却是头一次听说这事 And I'm just hearing about this now?
老弟 虽然我俩是好基友 Dude, just because we're best friends
但不代表我非得把所有事都告诉你吧 doesn't mean that I have to tell you everything that goes on.
你不是非得要 而是应该主动想要 You don't have to, you should want to.
这下好了 曼蒂来了 Oh, great, there's Mandy.
海洋生物学家怎么都这么可爱 Why are marine biologists always so cute?
我不知道 I don't know,
但我愿迷失在她的百慕大"三角洲"中 but I'd like to get lost in her Bermuda Triangle.
你这话一点用都没有 That's not helpful.
那我就不告诉你 Then I won't say
我还想覆盖她表面面积的四分之三了 I'd like to cover three-quarters of her surface area.
你们说完了吗 Are we done?
没 玩得正开心呢 Not yet, this is fun.
有了 Ooh, I know.
我想让她解放我的"杀人鲸" I'd let her free my willy.
美国电影《威鲸闯天关》
你要去哪儿 Where you going?
我要去问她愿不愿意跟佩妮聊聊 I'm gonna ask her if she'd be willing to talk to Penny,
告诉佩妮根本不用担心 tell her she has nothing to worry about.
-莱纳德 等等 -怎么了 - Leonard, wait. - What?
我还想用海绵洗她的小裤裤[海绵宝宝] I'd like to SpongeBob her SquarePants.
好了 我们说完了 Now we are done.
莱纳德 你好吗 Oh, hi, Leonard. What's up?
我能坐下吗 Uh, do you mind if I sit?
当然 Sure.
那个 我一直在想 So, um, I've been thinking a lot
我俩在船上的事 about you and me and... the boat.
怎么了 What about it?
你知道 You know...
我们喝醉以后做的那些事 what we did, when we were drunk.
不会吧 我也跟你睡了吗 Oh, no, did I sleep with you, too?
不 我们只是亲热了 No, we just made out.
老天保佑我啊 Oh. Well, good for me.
那你来找我干什么 So what can I do for you?
好吧 我最近结婚了 Uh, okay, well, um, I got married recently.
恭喜你 Oh, congratulations!
和谢尔顿吗 To Sheldon?
这个笑话永远都好笑 Never gets old.
不 是和一个女孩 No, no, to a girl.
总之 我告诉了她我俩的事 Anyway, I told her what happened between you and me,
于是她担心我们上班时总见面会出事 and she's concerned about us seeing each other at work.
不过是亲一下而已 你干嘛告诉她 It was just a kiss. Why would you even tell her?
因为我不想对她有所隐瞒 Because I didn't want there to be any secrets between us.
真的是因为这原因吗 Is that really the reason?
不然还能是什么 What else would it be?
我不知道 I don't know.
听起来像是你故意要破坏你们的感情 Sounds like you're trying to sabotage the relationship.
不 不是这样的 No, I don't think so.
不过 佩妮也说了同样的话 Although, Penny did say exactly that.
那你可得好好思考一下了 Okay, well, that's something to think about.
在潜意识里 我总是觉得 You know, on some level, I've always believed
我配不上她这样的女人 that I don't deserve a woman like her.
你要在这里思考吗 Oh, you're gonna think about that right here?
她真的超漂亮 I mean, she's really beautiful.
各种帅哥她都能泡到手 She could have any guy she wants.
所以 Which is probably why
花了好多年时间她才对我说她爱我 it took her so many years to tell me she loved me.
这事你去找咨询师聊聊吧 Maybe you should talk to a therapist about this.
太贵了 Too expensive.
我可能习惯了女人不对我表达爱意 You'd think I'd be used to women withholding their love.
我妈妈就是 I mean, my mother did.
不管我有多努力 I mean, no matter how hard I tried,
她就是对我不感兴趣 she just didn't have any interest in me.
好惨哦 Imagine that.
我怀疑也许这就是为什么 I wonder if that's why I have
我会跟谢尔顿有这么不正常的关系 such a dysfunctional relationship with Sheldon.
某晚我做梦 I had a dream
梦见我在一个山洞里 the other night that I was in a cave
哺育一个婴儿 and I was nursing a baby,
但这个婴儿长着谢尔顿的脑袋 but the baby had Sheldon's head on it.
而你妻子担心的人却是我吗 And your wife is worried about me?
莱纳德 Hey, Leonard!
你说完就过来 When you're done,
我们又想到了好多段子 we came up with a bunch more.
然后捷克共和国对斯洛伐克说 Then the Czech Republic says to Slovakia,
"看来你不太懂分手应该怎么样" "I don't think you understand how being broken up works!"
你能相信吗 Can you believe that?
你以为捷克共和国 You'd think that the Czech Republic
会珍惜自己仅有的机会 would try to hold on to what it had,
毕竟它也不年轻了 given that it's not as young as it used to be.
而且我也没见过哪个国家 And I don't see any other countries
在排队要侵略她"南线"[下边]的 lining up to invade its southern borders.
我要杀了他 I'm gonna kill him.
捷克共和国就说到这里 But enough about the Czech Republic.
我们再说说摩尔多瓦给罗马尼亚 Let's talk about the time Moldova made Romania
做了一个生日蛋糕 a birthday cake
罗马尼亚说好吃 and Romania said it tasted good
其实并不然 even though it didn't.
结果罗马尼亚却被甩了 And yet Romania gets dumped.
我暂停一下等你理清楚 I'll pause here while you mull that one over.
的确很扯对吧 I know, right?
说吧 不是说有事跟我讲吗 So, you said you had something to tell me.
对 Okay, yeah, um,
还记得你指责我 do you remember when you accused me
故意破坏我们的婚礼吗 of trying to sabotage our wedding?
我也想了一下 I've been thinking about it,
也许你说得对 and you might be right.
但好消息是 But the good news is
我知道自己为啥这么做 that I'm pretty sure I know why.
洗耳恭听 I'm listening.
佩妮 尽管过了这么多年 Penny, after all these years,
我还觉得自己配不上你 I still feel like maybe I don't deserve you.
行了 这是你 Okay, that is the lamest excuse
能胡扯的借口中最烂的一个了 you could've possibly come up with.
但我理解 But I get it.
-是吗 -是啊 -You do? -Yeah.
有时我担心一觉醒来 Sometimes I worry you're gonna wake up
你会为像你这样的女人弃我而去 and leave me for someone more like you.
我自己都不理解 I don't even understand
为什么你会跟我这种男人在一起 why you're with someone like me.
我为什么还要找个像我这样的女人呢 Why would I want to be with someone like me?
你懂我的意思 You know what I mean.
也许我的某些反应 And, you know, maybe the way I've been reacting
也是在搞破坏 was me sabotaging this, too.
不如我们不要 Well, how about we stop
害怕失去彼此 being so scared of losing each other
而是要好好在一起 and just be together?
这主意不错 That sounds nice.
好的 Good.
因为 Because...
自从见到你的那一刻 我便爱上了你 I've loved you since the moment we met,
我会一辈子爱你 至死不渝 and I will keep loving you until the end of time.
天啊 这是我听过 Oh, my God, that is the most beautiful thing
-最美的情话 -是吗 - anyone's ever said to me. - Yeah?
那是因为你那么美 That's because you're beautiful,
美到我心中满溢着爱与歌 and your beauty fills my heart with love and song.
越说越烂俗了哦 莱纳德 It's getting kind of cheesy, Leonard.
还有更烂俗的呢 准备好了 If you think that's cheesy, buckle up.
佩妮·霍夫斯塔德 Penny Hofstadter,
你愿意跟我维持婚姻吗 will you please stay married to me?
讨厌 你的烂俗再创新高峰了 Oh, damn it, you topped it.
是不是该入洞房 把成亲最后一步给"办"了 Should we go to the bedroom and make this marriage official?
-好 拜托了 -好的 - Yes, please! Okay! - Okay.
谢尔顿 没想到你会送我们结婚礼物 Sheldon, I can't believe you got us a wedding gift.
这有什么好惊讶的 I don't know why you're so surprised.
我看电影 看得到别人怎么做 I watch movies; I see what people do.
这是什么 What is this?
周末往返旧金山的机票 Plane tickets and hotel reservations
以及酒店预订 for a weekend away in San Francisco.
太棒了 That's so great!
没错 那里有渔人码头 Yeah, there's Fisherman's Wharf
恶魔岛还有缆车 and Alcatraz and cable cars.
我们肯定玩得超开心 We're gonna have so much fun.
我们 We?
有问题吗 Is there a problem?
没有没有 我说的是"我们耶" Oh, no, no! I just, I said, "Whee!"
你胆敢在网上说我坏话 How dare you go on the Internet and say mean things about me
还把我的生殖器比喻成捷克斯洛伐克南部 and compare my genitalia to part of Czechoslovakia?!
你看完那集了 是吗 You saw through that one, did you?
我不知道你在想什么 I don't know what you were thinking,
但马上把视频撤了 but take the video down now!
她看了 She watched it.
我一定会把那妞追回来 I'm gonna get that girl back.
我之所以会看 是因为你发邮件给我 I only watched it because you e-mailed it to me
主题是"看完气死你" with the subject line: "This is gonna make you mad"!
她在门外偷听 她想要奴家 She was listening through the door. She wants me.