翻译: O君 晓小枫 D2
百年
酒馆
第一季
第三集
电波诚译
校对: xlx
后期: 怪查理
压制: 怪查理
是这样的 So...
Glen跟我刚结婚的时候 when Glen and I first got married,
他的父母给了我们一栋小房子 在宾夕法尼亚 his parents gave us, as a wedding gift, um,
作为结婚礼物 a little house that they had in Pennsylvania.
那是他们结婚时就有的房子 They had it since they were married back in,
大概是69年吧 I don't know, '69,
现在他们搬进了一栋更大的房子里过夏天 and now they spend their summers in a bigger house
就在小房子附近 that they moved into that's right near the little house
我觉得他们把房子给我们 and I think that they partly gave it to us
有一部分原因是想多看看Glen的孩子们 so that they could see Glen's kids more,
因为这样的话 我们每年夏天都会离他们很近 since we would be spending all of our summers right by them,
我一点也不介意 我喜欢他们 uh, which I didn't mind at all, because I liked them, and...
还有 我也不知道 And... I don't know.
但在我人生的那么多风风雨雨之后 比如跟你结婚 But after all the chapters in my life being married to you,
生了孩子 having the kids,
那一堆破事 离婚 the... whole mess, divorce,
在公立高中教书 teaching public high school,
我已经完全不再 I'd stopped really giving
在意我的私人空间了 a shit about my own personal space, you know?
就像是 大家好 都进来吧 It was just like, well, everybody, hey, come on in,
想要什么都行 予取予求 you know, take whatever you want.
于是我们每个夏天都去那里 So we started going there every summer.
那里真的很不错 And it's really nice there.
遮天蔽日的高大树木 Just tall trees for days.
那里的冬天非常冷 Um, something about a place that gets so cold in the winter,
到了夏天 到处都是水雾 'cause in the summer, there's all this moisture,
所以还保留了一点冷空气 and so there's still these pockets of cool air,
即便是在夏天里最热的时候 even in the hottest parts of the summer.
我很喜欢 I loved it.
而且 And...
Glen的孩子们会在那里玩耍 Glen's kids would romp
他也很爱带他们去钓鱼 and he loved taking them fishing,
周围有一家马场 and there was a horse farm nearby
他们会租马去骑 and they would all borrow horses and go riding
Roger和Beth 是Glen的父母 and, uh, Roger and Beth, Glen's parents,
他们几乎每天晚上都会来吃饭 they would come over almost every night for dinner.
生活很安逸 And it was real easy. It, uh...
我不在乎他们都是Glen的家人 I didn't mind that it was all Glen's family,
他的父母 他的孩子 然后才是我 his parents, his kids, and then me.
我能接受这些 I was okay with that.
我就是想 可以的话我愿意一直这样下去 I just thought, well, I can do this for as long as it works.
这 And it...
真的 Really...
一切照常 nothing ever went wrong,
因为大家都很好 'cause nobody had any issues,
Glen的孩子们和我 从来都没有吵过架 Glen's kids and I, we-- we never had any bumps or...
生活真的很舒适 It was just real easy.
我以前很喜欢在乡间入睡 And I used to love going to sleep in the country
伴着虫鸣蛙声 with the bugs buzzing and frogs and...
在寂静中醒来 And then waking up in the quiet,
因为我过去总是比所有人都起得早 'cause I used to get up before anybody else did.
那是属于我的时间 That was my time.
所以 Roger Glen的父亲也经常会过来 And so, also, Roger would come over a lot, Glen's dad.
他的手很巧 Glen就不行 于是Roger会过来 He's real handy, Glen's not handy, so Roger would come over
修整一下小房子的东西 and tend to stuff around the little house,
我觉得他从来都没有真正放下过那种感觉 'cause I think he never really let go of the feeling
觉得这里还是他的房子 需要他去关照 that that was still his to care for.
而Beth And Beth, um...
就很安静 was just kinda quiet.
他们在一起时总是很安静 Like together they're quiet,
就像他们的整个关系 like their whole relationship is...
像是个秘密 kind of a secret.
他们会一起过来 坐着看看其他人 They would come over together and sit and watch everybody
脸上挂着平静的微笑 with these two peaceful smiles on their face,
好像他们已经是幽灵了 like they're already ghosts,
正在沉默地注视他们的孙辈 silently watching over the grandkids,
但是只有他自己的时候 Roger 他 他 他会聊天 讲故事 but by himself, Roger, he-- he-- he would talk and tell stories.
他 Uh, he...
他很 He's very...
他有一种来自另一个时代的男人的自我价值感 He has that kind of man's ego from another time,
在那个年代自负一点不会被骂混蛋 when it wasn't considered just being an asshole,
还算得上是种美德的时候 when it was a virtue, you know,
因为他是密歇根长大的 'cause he grew up in Michigan, and I just think
而且我只是觉得 认识一个比自己 that it's really interesting to know somebody
老四分之一个世纪的人 是很有趣的 that has a quarter-century head start on you.
就像有机会跟时间机器对话一样 It's like getting to talk to a time machine.
他会过来 在房子周围干些活 So he would come over and do stuff around the house,
我给他倒咖啡 他会一边做事一边聊天 and I'd make him coffee and he would talk while he worked.
我就听着笑着 And I would listen and laugh.
他真的很好玩 He's really funny.
我就看着他 And I'd watch him.
我是说 他84岁了 I mean, he's 84.
在这些年里 And in all those years,
他一直在使用他的肌肉 他的身体 he never stopped using his muscles, his body.
当他过来干活的时候 So he comes over and works
经常过不了多久就会把衬衫脱了 and, um, usually takes his shirt off after a while,
当你看着一个男人84岁的身体 and when you look at a man's 84-year-old body
看着他的皮肤 and you see the skin turn red
随着他干着干了一辈子的活计 and then sweaty with the work that he's doing
而变红 发汗 all of his life,
他不用向小房子里的任何人 and a man who doesn't have to prove anything
证明任何事 to anybody in that little house.
他会告诉我他从前在海军的故事 He would tell me stories about his past in the Navy
还有在他父母的农场里成长的故事 and growing up on his parents' farm,
但他 他并不是很 but he-- he didn't really
在意是我在听他说话 care that it was me that he was telling.
他只是在社交 He was just being social.
他从没有多看我一眼 He never looked at me much.
但我会盯着他 But I would stare at him
因为我可以 因为他不会回看 'cause I could, 'cause he wasn't looking back.
有一天 他来修门廊的地板 So this one day when he comes over to fix the porch boards,
他开着他的小卡车上来的 he drives up in this little truck that he has.
我能听到他的卡车在山脚下发出的声音 I can hear the truck from all the way down the hill.
我们的房子在一座小山上 我们两座房子之间 The house is up on a little hill and then there's nothing
除了树林什么都没有 but woods between their place and ours.
不管他什么时候来 我都能听到小小的引擎声 And so whenever he comes, I hear that little engine,
我听到 他爬坡时换挡的声音 I hear the-- him switching his gears when he comes up the hill.
那是个早晨 Glen带着孩子们去了湖边 So it's morning and Glen's got the kids out on the lake
我一个人 在草地上晒日光浴 and I'm all alone and I'm sunbathing out on the lawn,
虽然觉得很傻 which feels stupid,
但我想要感受阳光照在我的身体上 but I just wanted to feel the sun on my body
我又是一个人 有什么关系呢 and I'm alone, so who cares?
我躺在躺椅上 身上穿着我唯一的一件比基尼 And I'm laying back in the chaise in my only bikini that I ever--
唯一一件买给自己的 that I ever, ever bought myself.
我的双腿 大开着 And I just let my legs... go open,
因为我希望太阳能照进我的大腿中间 'cause I want the sun on the inside of my thighs,
这种感觉太好了 在树林里 and it just feels good to be in the woods
独自一人 让太阳照进来 alone and letting the sun in,
像一只青蛙一样伸展开 张开双腿 just splayed like a frog, legs open and...
感受阳光 letting the sun.
然后我听到了小卡车的声音 And then I hear the little truck.
我听到它 靠近了 I hear it, uh, coming.
我像平时一样微笑着 闭着眼睛 And I smile like I always do, with my eyes closed.
我听到它越来越近 And I hear it getting nearer and nearer,
我想 他会在那里停车 and I think, well, right where he's gonna pull in,
他会看到我这个样子 he's gonna see me like that,
双腿大开 and here I am with my legs open
我最好合上腿 像个淑女一样躺着 and I'd better close them and lay here like a lady does.
然后我又想 如果我不呢 And then I thought, oh, well, what if I don't?
如果我闭着眼 张着腿 What if I lay here with my eyes closed and my legs open
让他看呢 and let him see?
嗯 And...
这个想法 真的 the thought of that, it re-- it...
真的让我心跳加速 made my heart go really fast.
我闭着眼睛 And I kept my eyes closed and...
小卡车的声音越近 the closer that the sound of that little truck got,
我越 the more...
兴奋 I got...
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
我就呆在那里 I just stayed there, and, uh...
试图让自己看起来睡着了 I tried to sort of make it look like I was sleeping,
可谁会这么睡觉 but who sleeps like that?
然后 我听到卡车停到了 And-- and I hear the truck pull into the little space
房子前的小空地上 in front of the house
我必须得 and I have to-- I--
我呼吸急促 I was breathing so hard,
我感觉自己光是躺在那里就能高潮 I thought I was gonna have an orgasm just laying there.
我听到车门打开又关上 And I hear the truck door squeak open and slam shut,
我听到他走在草地上 and I hear his feet in the grass.
他走了一步 随后我听到他停住了 He'd take a step, then I hear him stop,
所以我知道他站在那里 看着我 so I know that he's standing there, looking at me.
我就让他看了 And I let him.
我就 我就让他看了 I just-- I just let him look.
那真是太 And it was so...
太下流了 It was so dirty.
我不知道 我不知道 I don't know, I don't know.
你为什么要跟我说这些 Why are you telling me this?
我知道 我知道 这很奇怪 I know, I know, it's weird.
- 是啊 - 我知道的 - Yeah. - I know, I know,
毕竟我们好多年没说过话了 'cause I mean, we haven't even talked in years.
自从Alice去读大学之后 而现在 Ever since Alice went to college and 'cause now
我们终于再也没有什么理由 there finally hasn't been any reason for us...
- 对 我想也是 - 来谈谈了 - Yeah, I guess not. - ...to talk.
- 对 - 你可能觉得我恨你 - Right. - You probably think I hate you,
也许有时候我是还有一点 and maybe sometimes I do, still, a little bit.
可能我还恨你呢 你有没有 Maybe I hate you, did you ever...?
好吧 我也不知道 我想你会吧 Yeah, well, I don't know. I'm sure you do.
但是我 能不能让我继续说 But I-- can I just keep going?
说吧 Sure.
好 Okay.
你两腿大张地躺着 身上穿着比基尼 You're laying on your back with your legs open in a bikini
你84岁的新公公 and your new 84-year-old dad-in-law
正盯着你的两腿之间 is looking between your legs.
是的 他在看 So yes, he's looking.
嗯 And, um...
我敢肯定 因为他没有动 对 他 And I can tell because he's not moving, so, yeah, he's...
他看的就是我 he's looking right at me.
好了 Now.
那么 我能想到的只有 Now, all I can think is,
不能睁眼 对吧 don't open your eyes, right?
因为如果你睁眼看他了 那你就是故意的 Because if you look back at him, then you did this.
你 就完了 You... That's it.
就再没有后悔药可吃了 And you can never take it back.
而且你现在也不可以合上腿 And now you can't even close your legs
因为那样就表明你绝对没在睡觉 because then you definitely weren't sleeping,
Glen会怎么说 可爱的Beth 孩子们怎么办 and what would Glen say and sweet Beth and the kids?
我觉得 我很恶心 And I thought, I'm sick.
我堕落了 I'm corrupt.
我本不应该插足这个小家庭 I just should have left this little family alone.
Glen 他很单纯 很无辜 Glen, he's pure, he's innocent.
他的妻子去世了 His wife died, is all,
他需要一个伴 所以我来了 and he needed somebody, and here I came,
这个糟透了的离异老女人 this fucked-up divorced older lady,
我正在向他84岁的父亲展示我的半个阴道 and I'm showing half of my vagina to his 84-year-old dad.
- 你睁眼了吗 - 没有 - Did you open your eyes? - No.
没有 No.
我一直闭着眼 I kept 'em closed.
他站在那里 And he was there...
站了很久 a-- a long time.
我能感觉到他在那里 I just felt him there.
我 I...
这是我做过的最色情的事了 It was the most erotic thing ever,
不知道过了多久之后 and after I don't even know how long, um,
我听到他开始从卡车上卸木头 I heard him start to unload wood from the truck,
第一块木板放上门廊的时候 我起来了 so when that first plank of wood hit the porch, I got up,
我围了下身 I pulled a wrap on around my bottom,
我起身 给他倒了咖啡 I got up, I made him coffee,
一切照旧 我看着他干活 and just like always, I watched him work.
他跟我说故事 但这次 当他跟我说话时 He told me stories, but this time, when he talked to me,
会紧盯着我的双眼 会问我问题 he looked right at me and he asked me things
我回答 他听着 and I talked and he listened and...
他听得很专注 And he listened very well.
这就是你们之间 发生的所有事情吗 Is that all that ever-- is that all that happened?
这是那天发生的所有事 That's all that happened that day.
我是说 就这些 他 走了 I mean, that was it. He... left,
我都不敢自慰 and I didn't even dare masturbate,
因为我知道那样就过了 because I knew that it would just be too much.
怎么了 What happened?
好吧 Okay.
有好几天我都没有见到他 So... I didn't see him for a few days.
他和Beth没来吃晚饭 Him and Beth didn't come over for dinner.
他也不来修东西了 He didn't come over to fix anything.
很奇怪 跟他们一点联系都没有了 It was weird, not having any contact with them
我有点害怕 虽然我 and I got kinda scared, even though I--
怎么了 什么事也没发生啊 I mean, what? Nothing happened.
但我满脑子都是这事儿 But I couldn't think about anything else.
Glen和孩子们和我 我们在一起的时候 Glen and the kids and I, we'd be having our time
我完全心不在焉 and... I'm miles away.
我在厨房里 I'd be in the kitchen
看着Glen做他爱做的菜 watching Glen make something he likes to cook,
实际上是盯着窗外的躺椅看 and I just kept staring out the window at the chaise.
然后 两天之后 Roger打了电话过来 So then, I think two days after that, Roger calls the house,
我接了电话 他说 "你好 Sarah" I pick up the phone, he says, "Hi, Sarah,"
我说 你好 我的心脏狂跳 I say, hey, and my heart's pounding.
心跳剧烈 他说 It's pounding, and he says, um,
"我想明天过来粉刷" "So I'm thinking about coming over to paint the wainscoting
"餐厅的护墙板 都脱落了 "In the dining room tomorrow, it's peeling.
上午11点左右行吗" So is around 11:00 in the morning okay for you?"
看 这就是 And see, here's the--
事实上 他以前从没这样过 The thing is, he never did that.
他从没打过电话来 他就这么过来了 He never called before, he just comes over.
他从未如此 He never did that.
所以我说 "行啊 Roger 明天见" So I just say, "Yeah, sure, Roger, I'll see you then."
我挂了电话 Glen说 "他怎么说" I hang up the phone and Glen says, "What'd he say?"
于是我告诉他 他说的话 And so I told him what he said,
就只是他说的话 exactly what he said.
我对他撒谎了 And I was lying to him.
我从没对他说过谎 I mean, I never lied to him.
我从来 从来没有骗过人 我记得 I never-- I never lied to a man, that I remember.
- 你是没骗过我 - 我当时 - You never lied to me. - And here I am,
只告诉了Glen 他父亲说的话 telling Glen exactly what his dad said,
那是个弥天大谎 and it was a big lie.
Glen耸耸肩说 好吧 我想 And Glen just shrugged and said, okay, and I thought,
天啊 说谎最糟糕的部分 boy, the worst part about telling a lie
就是你爱的人相信了你说的谎 is when someone that you love just accepts it.
是啊 Yep.
于是他来了 So he came over.
我的天啊 Well, oh, my God.
那天晚上 我 我 我跟Glen说 That night, I-- I-- I said to Glen,
首先 我在脑内计算了一下 well, first, you know, I counted in my head
挂了电话多久后 like how much time should go by after the call,
然后我才能开口 and then I open my mouth to
提议Glen带着孩子们去湖边 suggest that Glen take the kids to the lake,
我想 这到底怎么了 and I thought, what the hell?
我这是在做什么 Come-- What the hell are you doing?
我真的要这么做吗 You know, am I really gonna do this?
如果我真的支走Glen 就意味着有想法了 'Cause that-- that would really be doing something, to get rid of Glen.
是啊 Yep.
我对自己说 你什么都还没做 And I told myself, you haven't done anything.
什么都没发生 Nothing happened.
我决定反其道而行之 对Glen说 So I decide to do the opposite and I say to Glen,
"你明天打算做什么 "Hey, what do you want to do tomorrow?
我们一起去镇里吗" Should we all go into town?"
他说 "不 And he goes, "No.
我已经给我和孩子们租了马 七点出发" I already booked horses for me and the kids, starting at 7:00."
这也太... Of all...
我也就只能 So, and then all I had to do was go--
点点头说 那好吧 just nod my head up and down and say, sure,
第二天上午 and so the next morning,
他们就出发了 时间走向十一点 they leave and now it's getting close to 11:00
我不知所措 我该怎么办 and I don't know what to do. What do I do? What do--
难不成穿上比基尼 摆个上次的姿势吗 Do I put on the bikini and assume the position?
我也不知道该 I don't know, what do I--
我什么都不想做 I don't want to do anything.
我不想看到这一切发生 但与此同时 I do not want any of this to be happening, but at the same time,
我感觉非得把这个事情了结 I felt like I needed to see it through,
因为他打电话说要来 because he called and said that he was coming
他不想这么做的话 是不会打电话的 and he doesn't do that because it-- so it just--
他听上去想让上次的事再次发生 It sounded like he wanted it to happen again.
所以我就又穿上那件比基尼 So I put on the old bikini, and then--
Horace 接下来的是最糟糕的了 Oh, Horace, this is the worst.
我冒出一个可怕的想法 I had the most awful thought.
什么 What?
我以为他第一次看到我那样的时候 I thought that when he saw me there that first time,
他不喜欢 he didn't like it.
他觉得那很恶心 很羞耻 He thought that it was gross and he thought that it was shameful
他觉得很变态 and he thought that it was awful
当时他之所以停下来 and the reason that he stopped
是因为他以为我睡着了 was because he thought that I was sleeping.
他不想把我吵醒 He didn't want to wake me up
他不想让我感到羞耻 because he didn't want to have me feel ashamed,
他之所以提前打电话过来 and that the reason that he had called the house
是想让我提前知道他要来 was that so I would have a warning that he was coming
那次的事情不会重演 so that it wouldn't happen again,
因为他是个正直的人 而我是个荡妇 because he's a decent man and I'm a whore.
然后我听到卡车的声音 我害怕了 跑上楼 And I hear the truck, and I am so afraid, I run upstairs,
开始换衣服 I start changing my clothes.
简直六神无主 I am in a panic, I'm--
在那想 一个不想干那个山下住着的老头的女人 I'm literally trying to figure out, what does a woman wear
应该穿成什么样子 who's trying not to fuck the old guy down the hill
而且那个老头是她新丈夫的爸爸 who gave birth to her new husband?
然后他进了房子 So he comes in the house
他 他就在下面 and he's-- he's-- he's down there.
我听到他大声说 "有人吗" And I hear him call out, hi, hello?
我就在楼上站着 穿着内衣裤 And I'm standing upstairs in my bra and panties
我大声喊 "嗨 Roger" and I yell out, "Hi, Roger!"
他回应道 "我正准备开工" And he calls up, said, "I'm just gonna get started, work down here."
然后我说 "好吧" And I yelled down, "Yeah, sure."
然后我听到他开始动工 And I hear him starting to work.
然后我 And I...
就穿着内衣站在那 听他走来走去 stood there in my underwear listening to him shuffle around,
打开漆罐 搅匀油漆 popping open the paint can, stirring it.
然后 And...
我体内流淌的血液 all of the blood that had been running through my body
一瞬间都汇集到两腿之间 all that time went right between my legs and...
我躺在了床上 I laid down on my bed, and this house is so old, so small, so--
墙壁很薄 地板也很薄 The walls are thin, the floors are thin.
我躺下的时候 那床发出了声响 When I laid down on the bed, it made this noise,
他就在我楼下的房间里 and he's in the room right below me,
在我把床弄出那种噪音时 and I hear the brush stop
我听到他的刷子停了一下 又继续工作 when the bed creaks and then start again,
然后我的双手 and I start running my hands...
就开始在身上游走 ...on myself all over and...
他就离我差不多三米远 I mean, he's, what, maybe like 10 feet away from me,
垂直距离 vertically,
我这个荡妇在上面自摸 and I'm this dirty woman touching myself
我能听到他在干活 and I can hear him working,
但是声音很小 but very quietly,
我的心跳得厉害 然后我发出了一点声音 so my heart is pounding and I made a sound-- I--
那种细微的呻吟声 I made a sound, like a little moan.
然后我听到刷子停了 And then, I hear the brush stop.
然后又开始 And then start.
然后我就 And then I just--
弄出了稍微大一点的动静 I let myself get a little bit louder,
然后听到他把刷子放下 站起来 and now I hear him put down the brush, stand up,
我听到我的心跳 我停下了 僵在那里 my heart's pounding, I-- I-- I stop, I mean, I freeze.
我听到他从桌子旁拉过一把椅子坐下 I hear him pull a chair out from the table and sit down,
因为我听到那把旧木椅咯吱一声 'cause I hear the old wood of the chair creak
然后被他坐稳 and settle under him and-- and, um...
我听到衣料摩擦的声音 然后没动静了 And then I hear, like rustling of clothes and then nothing,
我知道他在椅子上坐着 and-- and I know that he's sitting in that chair,
没有动 我只知道这点 not moving, and that's all that I know.
- 我的心跳 - 他把屌掏出来了吗 - So my heart's... - Did he take his dick out?
我 I...
我开始自摸 I start touching myself,
用我自己的声音 and I let my-- my own sounds
压过他的声音 drowned out his,
我猜他也在做同样的事 and I assume that he's doing the same,
我也不知道 不清楚 but of course, I don't know, I don't know.
我什么都不知道 I-- I don't know anything that's--
据我的感觉 I mean, for all I know,
他是在猜我在楼上干什么 he's guessing what I'm doing up there
这可怜的老头坐在下面完全呆住了 and the poor guy is sitting down there just totally shocked,
或者他完全没注意楼上的事情 or he has no idea that any of this is going on
这乱七八糟的快把我弄疯了 and all of this is just making me crazy.
我火力全开地自慰 春潮汹涌 I'm full-on masturbating, I came like crazy.
我 I...
我可能声音很大 I-- I-- I might have been loud,
也可能完全没声音 I might've not even made any noise at all.
我自己都不知道 但是天呐 I couldn't even tell you, but my God, Horace,
那感觉无以言表 it was a lot.
然后我听到他 And I hear him, um, uh,
从椅子上站起来 重新开始干活 stand up, then, from the chair and go back to work,
我穿上衣服 到浴室里 so I put my clothes on and-- and I go in the bathroom,
把水龙头打开 努力平静下来 I'm running the water, you know, I'm just trying to be normal,
努力正常起来 脚步声 乱七八糟的声音 I'm trying to be normal, loud, footsteps, loud, loud, and all, ahh, ahh.
然后我下楼 You know, I come downstairs
我们聊天 and, um, and we talk,
相互倾听 we listen to each other.
他脱掉上衣 He takes his shirt off.
我看他干活 I watch him work.
干完活之后 他就走了 When he's done, he leaves.
这是三个月前的事 That was three months ago.
我操 Holy fuck.
你们有没有上过床 So did you guys ever fuck or what?
Horace I mean, Horace.
你知道事情会变得多糟糕吗 Oh, do you know how...
如果Glen发现了 how horrible it would be if Glen found out
还有Beth 还有孩子们 and Beth and the kids and...
简直就是世界末日了 And even more, I mean, it would just like be the end of life.
听上去好像你们已经上床了 Sounds like you guys are fucking.
我靠 Oh, shit.
我不知道 我不知道该怎么办 I don't know, I don't know. I don't know what to do.
我停不下来 I-- I can't stop, and...
但是如果我不停下来 I mean, if I don't stop,
那这些人都会受到极大的伤害 then all these people are gonna get so hurt.
我想一死了之 I just want to die.
前几天晚上 我一直哭到天亮 Just the other night, I-- I cried so hard till morning,
我感觉 and, um, I thought--
如躺针毡 坐卧难安 I just felt like my back was against a bed of rusty nails.
然后我想起你了 Horace And I thought of you, Horace,
我想起我是发现你和Rosemary的事情时 and I thought of how when I found out about you and Rosemary
我是多么恨你 and how much I hated you and how--
你怎么能对家庭做出这种事 And how could you do that to the family, you know,
对孩子们 对我 对你自己 做出这种事 to the kids and to me and to yourself?
然后我想到 天呐 And then-- and then, I was like, oh, Jesus Christ.
他那时候才21岁 我都32岁了 我嫁给了他 The guy was 21, I was 32, and I married him.
我强迫他娶了我 I mean, I made him marry me.
让一个年纪轻轻的人听你的话并不难 It's not that hard to make a guy that age do what you want.
他还习惯于听他妈发号施令 He's so used to still listening to his mother.
然后我就想 你到底是怎么过来的 And so, I just thought, how was that like for you?
我从来没有想过 'Cause, I mean, I had never thought about how--
你那时是怎样一种状态 How was it like for you?
所以你觉得我现在可以帮你 So you thought that maybe I could help you now
因为我外遇的时候也经历了这种事吗 because I went through it when I cheated on you?
是啊 Yeah.
这真是 Well, that's...
能不能给我点时间 Can you give me a minute?
我去去就来 I'll be right back.
你个垃圾
好了 Okay.
你去撸管还是什么了吗 What, did you go jerk off or something?
我头脑清醒了 Well, my head is clear now.
抱歉 And-- and I am sorry.
没关系 没什么 Okay, it's all right, it's all right.
你现在 你现在的情况比较操蛋 So you're in a-- you're in a pretty fucked up situation.
- 确实如此 - 我知道那是什么感觉 - Yes, I am, yes, I am. - Well, I know how that feels.
你当然知道 所以我才 Yes, you do. That's why--
听我说 Sarah Okay, well, look, Sarah.
我是说 I mean...
说来可笑 我们从没有谈过这事 you know, it's funny, we never talked about it.
说得对 That's true.
我跟你打开天窗说亮话 Well, look, let me-- let me just say this off the bat, okay?
如果你要继续跟他搞下去 If you keep doing this with this guy,
当然 我没有在指责你 and I'm not judging you, obviously.
大家都会有 形形色色的癖好 I mean, people do what they-- they do what they do.
但是你只有两条路可走 But you really have two choices.
马上停止 忘掉一切 Stop and forget about it,
或者跟他照旧 这么一来所有人都会知道 or keep doing it, in which case, everybody's gonna know.
- 天呐 - 别这样 Sarah - Oh, my God. - Well, come on, Sarah.
没别的办法了 There's no other way.
你也知道的 I mean, you know it.
如果你继续跟他上床 肯定有人会发现的 If you keep fucking this guy, someone's gonna find out,
然后就人人皆知了 which means everyone's gonna find out,
然后你能想象到的最可怕的事 and then all the worst things that you're imagining,
都会一一发生 they're all gonna happen.
所以如果你打算继续开搞 So if you keep doing it--
上苍保佑 请你做你想做的事 And again, God bless, do what you gotta do.
那些霉事 都会发生的 But it's all gonna happen, all that awful stuff,
这些事都要你自己去化解了 so you need to reconcile with that
你得想想要怎么处理这种事 and start thinking about how you're gonna deal with it,
或者就别这么干了 or stop.
也没什么选择的余地了 That's not really a choice.
的确 Yeah, I know.
两个都不算是选择 你又停不下来 None of it is a choice. You can't stop.
对 No.
他那么玉树临风 气若兰香 I mean, he's just beautiful, he smells good.
好了吧你省省 Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay.
我知道你说的句句属实 I know what you're saying is true.
我知道我该做什么 I know what I need to do.
但是我做不到 I can't do it.
我不是在问我应该做什么 So I'm not asking what I should do.
那你是在问 You're asking...
我是怎么才没弄死自己的 How did I not kill myself?
天呐 Jesus.
我记得这种感觉 I remember feeling like that.
那真是 真是 That was-- that's a...
真是糟透了 That's a bad feeling.
你所做的事 I mean, you're doing something that--
我所做的事 I was doing something
简直是一切事情的终结 that was the end of absolutely everything
但我仍然那么做了 and I kept-- I kept doing it.
是啊 Yeah.
我从没想过自杀 I never thought about killing myself,
但是我幻想过有坏事发生在我身上 but I used to have fantasies about something happening to me,
比如被车撞 或者从悬崖上掉下去 you know, like getting hit by a truck or falling off a cliff.
那感觉真糟 That's a bad feeling.
然后 So, well...
在我们开始拍拖的时候 I met your sister...
我遇到了你妹妹 when we started dating.
在我们交往了大约一个月的时候 Like we were dating for about a month,
就在结婚之前 right before we got married.
不敢相信我们竟然结婚那么快 And I cannot believe we got married that quick.
蠢到家了 Yeah, that was dumb.
说不上来 I don't know, I don't know.
- 那么 - 所以 - So... - So...
你还记不记得 you remember...
那次我跟你家人一起吃饭 I went to dinner with you and your family?
记得 Mm-hmm, sure.
- 你想听吗 - 说吧 - Do you want to hear this? - Sure.
那是我第一次见到她 那天晚饭 Okay, so that's when I first met her, was at that dinner,
我忘记了 不知道为什么 and I-- I forgot-- I don't know why,
我问她 她什么时候高中毕业 but I asked her why she-- when she graduated high school,
然后你开玩笑说 她跟你年龄挺般配的 Horace and you made that joke, you said, "She's your age, Horace."
对 我还记得这事 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that.
你听我说这些的时候不难过吗 This doesn't bother you to hear about this?
没有 挺有帮助的 No, it's helping me. I think it's--
你有没有原谅我 Did you forgive me or--
从未原谅过 No. No, I never did.
我生气生了好多年 I stayed mad at you for years.
我为什么会原谅你上了我妹妹 Why would I forgive you for fucking my sister?
拆散我们的家庭 辜负我们的孩子 Breaking apart the family? Doing that to the kids?
但是你看起来不再生气了 Just, you don't seem mad anymore.
不生气了 都烟消云散了 I'm not, it just went away.
也挺悲伤的 It's kinda sad.
我气急败坏到 No, I was so mad at you,
整日都被这种情绪缠绕 I would walk around all day with these bad feelings,
对你的所作为 about what you did
然后我想 某时某刻 总会有什么事发生 and I thought, well, someday, something'll happen, you know,
这些情绪都被喜乐平静所覆盖 I'll be overcome by a wave of kindness, or I'll just--
或者我会找到另一个看待这件事情的角度 or I'll just figure out a different way to look at it
然后我会原谅你 我会好起来 然而 and I'll forgive you and I'll feel good, but instead,
事实是 只有情绪随时间消散 what happens is, time just takes the feelings away,
随着时光渐渐模糊 they just kinda get dim with time going by,
就那么消失了 由不得你去弄明白 they just go away and you don't get to figure it out.
就像被时光侵蚀 慢慢消失了 It's like erosion, it just goes away.
说起来挺悲伤的 It's kinda sad.
不管怎样 我对此已经没感觉了 Anyway, uh, I don't feel anything about it, Horace.
剩下的就只有好奇 But, well, all that's left is,
你当时是怎么熬过这些的 I'm curious how you got through it.
好吧 Okay.
Rosemary So, Rosemary.
呃 刚认识她的时候 You know, I never thought
我对她没有别的想法 about her that way when I first met her.
只是觉得 她挺好的 她是你妹妹 I mean, she was all right. She was your sister.
然后 And then...
妈的 Shit.
然后怎么 Yes?
呃 然后咱们结婚了 Well, then we got married,
有一天你去上班了 and then one day, you were at work
我在家里 她来咱家拿什么东西 and I was home, and she came over to get something,
具体拿什么我忘了 然后我们就干了 I don't remember what, and we fucked.
这么短就讲完了 So that's it?
是啊 我的故事可没有你的那么精彩 Yeah, I mean, it's not a cool story like yours.
不过 呃 But, um...
也许有那么精彩 我记不清了 Maybe it was, I don't remember.
后来 当我们意识到 Anyway, once we figured that out,
我们喜欢这样瞒着所有人在一起干 that we were into fucking each other and not telling anybody,
我们就开始经常在一起干 we started to do it a lot.
过了一段时间 就停不下来了 And after a while, we couldn't stop doing it.
哦 天哪 Oh, God.
嗯 我们干了很多次 Yeah, it was a lot of fucking.
很多很多次 A lot.
然后 我就充满了那种极其糟糕 And then, just the worst...
最最最最最糟糕的感觉 The worst, worst, worst, worst, worst feeling
全世界都他妈没有更糟了 in the whole wide fucking world.
嗯 Yeah.
有时我躺在你身边 醒着 I would lie awake next to you,
心里全是 如果她发现了会怎么样 just thinking, what if she finds out?
很慌很怕 心想 她发现了会怎么样 Like scared, like what if she finds out?
还有孩子们出生后的一堆破事 And then all the shit with the kids when they were born.
Horace Horace...
我简直没法做出比那更糟糕的事 Well, I couldn't have been doing a worse thing.
我简直没法做出比那更糟糕的事 I couldn't have been doing a worse thing.
那是我做过的最糟糕的事情了 It was the worst thing I could ever do.
但我还是一直做啊做啊 And I kept doing it.
嗯 Yeah. Yeah.
每天 每一天 And every day, every single day,
我都会想 我不想活了 I would think, I don't want to be alive.
只想让一切都结束 I just want it all to end.
不只是我 我希望我们大家一起死 Not just me, I wanted us all to die.
天啊 Oh, Jesus.
我想让所有和这件事有关的人 Well, I wanted everybody involved in any way
都不再存在 to just stop existing.
这是唯一的了断方式 It was the only clean way out.
我记得911那天 在飞机撞了大楼之后 I remember on 9/11 when the planes had hit the buildings
新闻上说 华盛顿着了火 and on the news they said that Washington was on fire
而且 记得吗 and there was--
大家都觉得还有会有更多飞机撞过来 Remember, everybody thought there was more planes coming?
是啊 天哪 Yeah, God.
我就想 也许这就是那个结束的机会 I thought, maybe this is it, maybe...
也许飞机能把我们都消灭 一切就可以结束了 maybe the planes will take us out and this will all be over.
这 太可怕了 Oh, that's... horrible.
太可怕了 It's horrible.
这也胜过我能预见到的结局 也正如我所料 Well, I preferred that to what I knew would happen, and did,
大家会发现我的所作所为 that everybody would find out what I was doing.
嗯 Mm-hmm.
我会想象你发现时的样子 I would picture you finding out.
我会闭上眼睛 然后想象你的脸 Like I would close my eyes and I'd picture your face
我看见你的眼睛里充满怨恨 and I'd see all this hate in your eyes
我知道我永远不会被原谅 that I knew I could never come back from,
我就继续和她干 and I kept on fucking her,
反正在那之前你就恨我了 and you hated me anyway.
- 什么 - 你恨我 - What? - You hated me.
Horace 你觉得咱们分手前我恨你吗 Horace, you thought I hated you before we broke up?
我没有恨你 I didn't hate you.
没有 I didn't.
嗯 现在我有点明白了 Yeah, I kinda know that now.
毕竟 亲爱的 我们当时 I mean, come on, honey, we were--
我21岁 你32了 I was 21, you were 32.
话说 Horace 如果不提那些 Well, you know, Horace, aside from all of that,
你对我除了好就是好 you were never anything but nice to me.
比如说 日常生活中 I mean, like just daily life, like, you know,
那么多年 你对我一直很好 all that time, you were always just nice
我确实后悔在那个时候没有更珍视你对我的好 and I do wish that I had put a higher value on that than I did.
也许你出轨与这也有关 I-- Maybe that's a part of the reason.
Sarah 我上了你的妹妹 Sarah, I fucked your sister.
事情就是这样 好吗 事实摆在这里 That's the story, okay? That's what happened.
嗯 Yeah.
我们不要再深挖了 We don't have to dig any deeper than that.
不用 这样确实容易多了 是不是 No, that-- that does make it a lot easier, doesn't it?
这就是为什么人们会做这种事 你也一样 Well, that's why people do stuff like that, like this.
因为这样就不用经历婚姻的烂摊子 Because then you don't have to go through all the muck.
否则你就得面对那个烂摊子 Otherwise, you have to go through all the muck,
没有人能应付得来 所以 and nobody can do that, so you just...
婚姻不好了 干一个姻亲就解放了 In a bad marriage? Fuck a relative and get out.
管用 It works.
就像放火烧家骗保险 It's like an insurance fire.
如果你家房子烧成平地 And you know, when a building burns to the ground,
没人会追究更多 nobody asks any questions,
你只需要真的把它烧得精光 you just gotta really burn it down.
我不知道为什么我居然在笑 I don't even know why I'm laughing.
好啦 Come on.
说真的 Like let's get real.
Sarah 你知道你该怎么做 Sarah, you know what you should do?
想听实话吗 你应该离开 You want to know the truth? You should get out.
你应该离开Glen 走出来 You should leave Glen and get out.
反正 当你和他爹搞到一起的时候 That's what you're doing anyway by fucking his dad,
你已经在脱离婚姻了 you're getting out.
我做不到 不行 不行 I can't do it. I can't, I can't.
不 我必须面对事实 弥补错误 No, ahh, I have to face it, I have to fix it.
离开就是面对事实 那才是面对事实 That is facing it. That's facing it.
你走出来 这一团乱就解决了 Get out and then the whole mess is fixed.
那就是解决问题的方式 That's the fix.
是 但是 我能 Well, but I can--
我能结束和Roger的关系 I-- I can stop. I can stop with Roger.
这才是一个好人应该做的 That's what a good person would do.
这是上天让我做的 That's what I'm called on to do.
不能只是举起手来说 看 Don't just throw up your hands, say, oh, well, I--
我做了件糟透了的事 爱怎么着怎么着吧 You know, I do this awful thing, so come what may.
你必须改正自己的行为 You have to correct your behavior,
为了生命里重要的人 and you have to strive to be better
努力做一个更好的人 for the people in your life.
行吧 Sarah 把这个故事讲给自己听听 OK, Sarah, tell yourself the story
你和这个人搞了这么长时间 where you've been fucking this guy as long as you have
然后突然 你停了 and then all of a sudden, you just stop,
你只是每年圣诞节回一趟公公家 and then you just go back to one big happy family every Christmas
复活节去一趟森林小屋 就是这样吗 and Easter in your house in the woods, is that--
- 这是你设想的未来吗 - 不 不 - Do you see that future? - No, no.
你必须走出来 你必须走出来 You gotta get out. You gotta get out.
我 我不想 I-- I don't want--
我不想再离一次婚了 I don't want to have another divorce.
Horace 我受不了的 我们的婚姻就这个样了 Horace, I can't take it, I mean, ours was what it was.
我不怪你 我也不怪自己 I don't blame you, I don't blame me,
只是事情就那么发生了 但如果我再离一次 it just happened, but if it happens to me again,
会说明什么 what does that say?
说明你不擅长婚姻 It says that you're shitty at being married.
这没关系的 我也一样 It's okay, so am I.
这并不表示你是个坏人 That doesn't make you a bad person.
只是 别再结婚了 Just don't be married.
走出这一段婚姻 别重蹈覆辙 Just get out and don't do it again.
单身就好了 像我一样 Just be alone, like me.
你不能一直待在这团糟里 You can't stay in this fucking thing
还试图粉饰太平 just to try to make the truth not be true.
疯了吧 只有 只有天主教才这样 That's insane, that's-- that's Catholic.
那些孩子爱我 他们真的爱我 Those kids love me, they really do,
我也爱他们 而且 而且他们已经没了亲妈 and I love them, and-- and-- and they lost their mother.
我怎么能突然一下从他们生命中消失 How do I now just-- just pull out of their life so violently
这么无情 我得是个多么可怕的人 in such a terrible way? I'd have to be a terrible person.
你有你的孩子 You had your kids.
你有你自己的孩子 明白 You had your kids, okay?
你养大你的孩子 And you raised your kids.
他们 他们的父亲 Their-- their dad...
毁了这个家庭 fucked the family up.
你留下来 一刻不离地把他们带大 You stayed and saw them through their childhood, okay?
那些孩子是Glen的 不是你的 Those are Glen's kids, not yours,
他们失去了亲妈 and they lost their mom.
那是他们以前经历的事情 That's what happened to them.
你为他们做的一切都是附加的 Bu anything you give them is plus.
他们得以跟你相处 They got to be with you, okay?
就算你离开了 也不代表那一切会被抹杀 If you leave, it doesn't mean that they give that back.
你走了 不代表你没有 Just because you pull out doesn't mean that you weren't--
关心他们过 that you were never there.
天 你真擅长给可怕的错误找借口 Boy, you really have a skill at justifying horrible things.
是啊 Yeah.
我不知道该怎么做 I don't know what to do.
你不知道 No, you don't.
哦 老天啊 Oh. Oh, God.
好吧 你就这么干吧 All right, well, here's what you gotta do.
你既然认定了想这么做 就去做吧 This is what you gotta do, you might as well do it.
回去 继续跟Roger睡 Go back and keep fucking Roger.
继续爱Glen和孩子们 Keep loving Glen and the kids.
只要你能同时做好那两件事 就一直做下去 Just do both things as long as you can as well as you can.
你会这么做的 That's what you're gonna do.
你心里清楚你最终会这样做 You know that's what you're gonna do,
所以你不如直接决定就这么干了 so you just might as well decide you're gonna do it.
是啊 Yeah.
是啊 Yep.
哦 老天 Oh, my God.
我是什么人啊 What am I?
你是和很多人一样的普通人 Sarha You're just like a whole bunch of other people, Sarah.
和很多人一样 Like a lot of other people.
和你一样处境的人 Like you could field an army
多到可以组成一个军队 with how many people have been in your situation.
真的 如果你把全世界偷情的人招募来 Literally, you could gather the cheaters of the world,
对忠诚的人宣战 赢的会是你们 and you could wage war on the honest and you'd win.
哦天哪 你太坏了 Oh, God, you're awful.
你会没事的 You're gonna be okay, you know.
事情会好的 你会好的 Sarah It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay, Sarah.
哦 你怎么可能知道 Well, I don't know how you know that.
你想知道我为什么知道 Because, you know how I know it?
因为我现在没事 'Cause I'm okay.
我曾经陷入和你一样的境地 现在我还好 And I was right where you are, and I'm okay.
那Glen呢 What about Glen?
他也会好的 He'll be okay, too,
因为他像曾经的你一样 然而你现在还好 because he is where you were, and you're okay.
嗯 Yeah.
他的孩子也会很好的 就像我们的孩子一样 And his kids will be fine, 'cause look at our kids.
靠 Fuck.
他怎么样了 How is he?
我关注他的Instagram I know, I mean, I follow him on Instagram
- 所以我知道 - 嗯 - so I know... - Yeah.
他加入了长曲棍球队 ...he's on a lacrosse team
他跟着他的自然历史班去过秘鲁 and he went to Peru with his natural history class,
- 但 他过得怎么样 - 呃 这 - but how is he? - Well, I--
他让我保证不和你说起他 He made me promise not to talk to you about him.
哦 好吧 Oh, okay.
他 他知道你要来我这里 Did he-- He knew you were coming here
告诉我你上了你新的公公吗 to tell me that you're fucking your new husband's dad?
- 当然不知道 - 好伤人啊 - Ehh. - Well, ouch, okay?
我是说 I mean...
我操 Fuck, man.
我理解 都是我自找的 但还是很伤人 I get it, I got it coming, but it fucking hurts.
这真是 That's...
我遵守 So I'm honoring his...
对他的承诺的方式 promise in the sense that, you know,
就是告诉你 I'm telling you about it.
这件事上我确实欠他的 但我觉得你应该知道 I-- I do owe him that, but I think that you should know,
你儿子过得很好 your son is doing really great.
我是说 他非常好 I mean, he's great.
他是个非常好的人 Horace He's a lovely guy, Horace.
他 他 他 He-- he-- he--
他对所有人都很好 而且是发自内心的 He's nice to everybody and it's genuine.
他有个女友 好极了 He's got a girl, terrific.
女孩好极了 She's terrific.
而且他热爱生活 And he likes life.
而且 他 And, um, he's...
细心体贴 thoughtful.
他会 交很好的朋友 He... picks good friends.
他不怕困难 He's really good with tough things,
所以说 他现在非常好 and so he's doing really good.
谢谢 Thanks.
我把和Alice的关系搞砸了 I'm really blowing it with Alice.
她总是在生我的气 She's always pissed at me.
哦 她早该学会别这样了 Oh, well, you know, she just needs to stop already.
我都没法 I don't even--
她以为她还能这样像小孩子一样闹多久 How long does she think she gets to stay a kid?
- 呃 - 不 Hor - Well... - No, Hor-- No.
她马上就要当上律师了 I mean, she's almost a lawyer now.
你 你努力地想走进她的生活 You-- you are making an effort to be in her life.
已经仁至义尽了 Nobody owes her any more than that.
她就是个肥熊孩子 She's being a big fat brat.
- 天哪 哇 - 呃 我 - Jesus, wow. - Well, I--
我不能 那样不对 I can't-- I can't with that.
那样做不对 够了 我 I can't with that one. That's enough, I...
没事的 我明白了 All right, I'll take it.
我以前没有 I didn't really...
没有真的意识到 I didn't really know, you know,
离开他们的时候 我真正丢下的是什么 what I was throwing away with those guys.
你现在依然不知道 Horace 但原谅自己吧 You still don't know, Horace, but forgive yourself.
而且 你知道吗 And-- and-- and you want to know something?
我替你感到高兴 因为我觉得你找到了内心的安宁 I'm happy for you, 'cause I think that you found peace.
我希望能像你一样 I wish that I could do it.
但我不能 我很懦弱 我需要有伴儿 I can't, I'm weak, 'cause I need somebody.
独身一人需要坚强 需要能接受自我 And it takes a strength and a self-acceptance to be alone
我真的觉得 我觉得你做到了 and I really do-- I feel like you found it
你活得很本真 很坦诚 and you're living your truth, you're living honestly
而且 and-- and...
所以 我为你感到骄傲 So... I'm proud of you.
我只是 I'm just...
我真心为你高兴 I'm really happy for you.
再见了 亲爱的 So long, hon.
- 再见 Sarah 再见 - 保重 - Bye, Sarah, see you. - Take care.
好的 Okay.
我不敢相信你曾经和那个狗女人结过婚 I can't believe you married that cunt.
*糟糕* *Hell no*
*我无处倾诉我的苦楚* *I can't complain about my problems*
*日子不好也不差* *I'm okay the way things are*
*我为自己搬一把小凳* *I pull my stool up to the bar*
*在Horace和Pete的酒吧* *At Horace & Pete's*
*有时我会想* *Sometimes I wonder*
*我们为何自讨苦吃* *Why do we tear ourselves to pieces?*
*我需要些时间清静清静* *I just need some time to think*
*或者干脆烂醉* *Or maybe I just need a drink*
*在Horace和Pete* *At Horace & Pete's*
*百年酒馆* *Horace & Pete*
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