Apple 原 创
我这一生中当了近20年猎物 I was prey for nearly two decades of my life.
童年便被抛弃 是一名弃子 A throwaway child. A discard.
没人要 Discard.
我不得不照顾自己 I had to fend for myself.
抵御风吹日晒 Against the elements.
抵御其他人的伤害 抵御自己的伤害 Against other people. Against myself.
抵御我的心魔 My demons.
直言真相
第二季 第 1 集
我想感谢今天的嘉宾 记者波比帕内尔 I'd like to thank our guest today, journalist Poppy Parnell,
她是热门播客《重新考虑》的主播 host of the smash-hit podcast, Reconsidered.
波比 最后一个问题 你接下来准备做什么 Poppy, one last question. What's up next for you?
沃伦凯夫案之后你打算做什么新内容 How do you follow up the Warren Cave season?
沃伦凯夫的故事 让我个人付出了沉重的代价 Uh, well, doing the Warren Cave story came at a huge personal cost for me.
所以我会慢慢来 -So, um, I'm just gonna take my time... - Uh-huh.
仔细考虑接下来该选择什么故事 ...and be very thoughtful about the next story I choose to take on.
别像劳伦希尔那样让我们一直等 波比 Well, don't pull a Lauryn Hill on us and keep us waiting, Poppy.
我们现在就想听新一季故事 -We want a new season now.
但各位听众都听见了 再等等吧 再次感谢你上节目 But you all heard it. A little bit longer. Thanks again for joining us.
谢谢你的邀请 Well, thank you for having me.
嗨 波比 Hey, Poppy.
-嗨 赫比 -老样子 - The usual?
-当然 嗨 -好 -Always. Hey. All right.
惊喜吧 Surprise.
好 我们吓到她了 Yep, we got her.
嗨 Hi.
-嗨 -见到你真高兴 -Hey. -So good to see you.
见到你真高兴 It's so good to see you.
-你好美 -你真美 -You look beautiful. -You look gorgeous.
要得起吗 Beat that.
我刚才差一点就要得起了 这次真的要得起 Oh, I almost got you there. Then I really got you there.
-啊哦 -不是吧 -Argh. - Oh, come on.
-对 我都不知该说什么 -该死 -That's right. I don't know what to say. - Goddamn.
-谢谢 -拜托 -Thank you. - Come on. Oh
你还在出老千 -You still cheating.
爸爸 你不能那么说 Daddy, you can't say that.
-我当然能 -拜托 - Course I can. -Oh, come on.
她第一天走进这个酒吧就偷了我的钱 She stole from me the first day she came into this bar.
小脏手伸进了收款机抽屉 在我抓到她之前逃走了 Grimy little hands right in that till and slipped off before I could catch her.
我只跑出一条街 就被这两位堵在了巷子里 Only got a block until these two cornered me in the alley.
然后你们就袭击了她 So then y'all jumped her?
那当然 Oh, we sure did.
但她很狂野 我们费了好大力气 But she was feral, so we had to work at it.
我们打了起来 互相扔垃圾 Oh, we tussled and threw trash at each other
扔到后来都认不出谁是谁了 until you couldn't tell one of us from the next.
她们三个回来时 身上气味难闻极了 All three of them came back smelling like fresh hell.
你们当时几岁1011岁 What were y'all? Ten, 11 years old?
是 Yeah.
世界著名作家 World-famous author.
我们已经好久没见你了 Been a long time since we've seen you.
我住酒店的时间比住自己家里还多 Well... ...I spend more time in hotel rooms than my own bed.
我不喜欢的是你在街上混了那么多年 却从未想过到这里来 Hate that all those years in the streets, you never thought to come here.
到我们身边来 To us.
你在出老千 You over here cheating?
天啊 这名声我永远摆脱不了 Oh, my God! I'm never gonna live that down.
-对 -没错 看起来你最近发财了 - Never. Looking like new money.
嗨… -Hi, hi.
啊 Aah!
好了 来吧 All right, come on.
哇 Whoo!
真不敢相信我们又聚到一起了 Can y'all believe we're back together again?
很抱歉 事情乱成一团时 我没能在你身边支持你 I'm sorry I wasn't here for you when things got crazy.
你打了电话写了信 对我来说这就足够了 Oh, you called, and you wrote, and that was all I needed.
我也挺过来了 And I survived.
没错 亲 我们总能挺过来 Mmm. That's what we do, hon. We survive.
挺过来后我们更强 -Makes us stronger.
他们最爱用这句话了 -It's what they sold us. -Mmm.
英格拉姆呢他明天来吗 Ingram? Is he coming tomorrow?
希望如此 One hopes.
还有些棘手 但我们在努力回想浪漫时光 It's still a little tricky, but we're just trying to remember the romance.
听起来不错啊 -Sounds kind of nice, actually.
乔希呢他会来吗 And Josh? He'll be there?
当然 Of course.
为什么不来 Why wouldn't he?
-明天见 -明天见 - See you tomorrow.
体验米卡基思的人生 《弃子》
见到你们俩真是太高兴了 Oh, I am so happy to see you both.
在一起 - Together.
哦 Ohh.
-好耶 -我去给大家拿点喝的 - Yay. -I'm gonna get us some drinks.
-好 -好啊 嘿 跟我来 -Okay. -Yeah. Okay. Hey, come with me.
等等 Wait.
这是… -Is that... -Mm-hmm.
这是《弃子》的第一版手稿 This is the very first draft of the Discard manuscript.
还有你的编辑批注 Complete with your editing notes.
这本书没有你就无法出版 This wouldn't have happened without you.
我第一次读的时候 就直起鸡皮疙瘩 It gave me chills the first time I read it.
从我们在那辆巴士上相遇之后 你已在成功之路上走了这么远 You've come a long way since you sat next to me on that bus.
那两个小女孩 从来都没有离得太远 不是吗 Those two little girls are never far enough away, are they?
没错 但这一点不必公诸于世 No, but the world does not need to know that.
打扰一下 -Excuse me.
嘿 那些拿奖学金的孩子到了 Hey, so some of the scholarship kids are here.
-你能去见见他们吗 -好 行…但是首先… -Would you come meet them? -Okay, yeah... yeah. But first...
这位是艾维阿伯特 是避风港的二把手 This is Ivy Abbott. She's my second here at Shelter,
没了她我可不知该怎么办 -and I don't know what I'd do without her.
艾维 这位是波比 Ivy, this is Poppy.
见到你非常高兴 Very, very nice to meet you.
幸会 Nice to meet you.
我要把米卡借走一下 希望你不要介意 Would you mind if I steal Micah away for just one moment?
-我不介意 -太好了 -Not at all. -Perfect.
-我去去就回 -好 -I'll be back. -Okay.
哇 Wow.
人可真多 是吧 Quite the turnout, huh?
乔希 天啊 Aah! Josh. Oh, my God.
来抱抱 Come here.
我想死你了 Ah, I missed you.
我也想你 I missed you too.
嗯 Mmm.
哇 Wow.
你们俩现在成了大腕夫妻了 The two of you have become quite the power couple.
米卡世界闻名 Micah is world-famous
你那部有关埃瓦尔之子的纪录片 到处都在播放 and your documentary about the Sons of Ivar is everywhere.
谁知道它能取得今天的成绩呢 Who knew it would lead to all this?
谁知道呢 Who knew?
怎么了 What's going on?
你还好吗 You all right?
什么意思 What does that mean?
不必在意 我的俄罗斯情结被唤起了 Don't mind me. I have Mother Russia coursing through my body.
宿命论和愤懑之情 这些都融在我血液之中 You know, fatalism and... and angst. They run in my blood.
你什么事都可以告诉我的 You know you can tell me anything.
晚些时候到工作室来吧 我们那时再谈 Come by the studio later. We'll talk then.
这一切早晚都会结束 对吗 This will all end at some point, right?
米卡的回忆录《弃子》 非常详尽地描述了她的故事 Micah's memoir, Discard, shared her story in such excruciating detail.
她的痛苦令数百万人感同身受 也令他们深受鼓舞 Her pain reached millions, and it inspired just as many.
话不多说 有请今天的女主角米卡基思 And now without further delay, the woman of the hour, Micah Keith.
哇 Whoo!
晚上好 Good evening.
那是一位被吓坏了的小女孩 That is a terrified young girl in there.
13岁 被人抛弃 只得独自生存 Thirteen years old. Left to survive on her own.
被人遗忘 是一个弃子 Forgotten. A discard.
她还是挺了过来 And still survived.
我第一次看到这件作品时 整整三天卧床不起 When I first saw this installation, I took to my bed for three days.
我无法直视她 直视自己 I just had such a hard time looking at her. At me.
即使过了这么多年 All these years later.
我曾盗窃作弊打架 I stole. I cheated. I fought.
我曾酗酒 I drank.
我曾吸毒 I did drugs.
我的身体曾被强行占有 My body was taken. Not always with my permission.
这让她一无是处 And that made her nothing.
让我一无是处 That made me nothing.
于是我用写作让自己存在 And so, I wrote myself into existence.
让自己不会消失 To keep from disappearing.
我们今晚的目标就是确保 The goal here tonight is to make sure
每一位被遗弃的年轻人 能拥有一个真正安全的家 that every discarded young person has a truly safe home
而不仅仅是他们想象中那个安全的地方 and not just that safe place in their imagination.
谢谢 Thank you.
谢谢… Thank you. Thank you.
最后 我想再次感谢瑞文画廊 So before I go, I once again want to thank the Ryvlin Gallery,
感谢我的出版商西蒙与舒斯特公司 my publishers, Simon & Schuster,
感谢避风港的优秀员工 他们就在现场各处 my incredible staff at Shelter, all over,
还有我的朋友波比帕内尔 是她让我走上了这条路 and, uh, my friend, Poppy Parnell, who set me on this path.
她看到了我的拙作 看到了其中的潜力 She saw my collection of scribbles and recognized them as something more.
觉得我能给世界带来价值 她对此深信不疑 And her bone-deep belief in what I could offer the world
这是我成功路上重要的基石之一 was one of the cornerstones of my success.
当然 最后我要感谢我的丈夫乔希 他一直都很重要 And then, of course, last but never least, my husband, Josh.
乔希 你在哪 Josh, where are you?
亲爱的 Honey?
总之 他知道自己对我有多重要 我真心感谢他 Anyway, he knows how much he means to me, and I thank him truly.
请大家享受这次活动 And all of you, enjoy.
我去的每一个州每一个地方 You know, every state I was in, every place I visited,
人们都在谈论你的播客 people were talking about your podcast.
听到这个真好 It's good to hear that.
因为有人说我单枪匹马地摧毁了新闻业 Because I've been accused of single-handedly destroying journalism.
要知道 我只想帮助他人 You know, all I've ever wanted to do was help people,
而我经常收到仇恨邮件 and I get hate mail all the time.
“骗子”“投机者”“剥削者” "Fraud." "Opportunist." "Exploiter."
我个人最喜欢的是“女巫” My personal favorite, "witch."
你造成了影响 You made an impact.
影响力难免会惹来争议 And that always makes waves.
乔希还好吗 Is, uh, Josh okay?
刚才在画廊里他似乎不太对劲 He seemed kind of off at the gallery.
创业的烦恼 Growing pains, you know?
避风港去年刚步入正轨 我觉得我们还在调整的过程中 Shelter just took off this past year, and I think that we're just adjusting.
我是波比帕内尔 希望大家能够重新考虑
哇 Wow.
好了 All right.
乔希 Josh?
有人吗 Hello?
也许他回家了 Maybe he went home.
他不接电话 我去后面的阳台看看 Well, he's not answering his phone. I'm gonna check the back patio.
-洗手间在哪 -过桥 - Where's your bathroom? -Ju... Uh, over the bridge.
然后在左手边 Uh, and then you kind of go to the left.
好 Okay.
想喝什么请随意 葡萄酒啤酒 If you want anything, get it. Wine, beer.
谢谢 Thank you.
想喝什么都行 好吗 Whatever you want, okay?
嘿 乔希 Hey, Josh?
乔希 Josh?
暗房 保持房门关闭
-波比 -英格拉姆 -Poppy? - Ingram!
英格拉姆 Ingram!
-波比 -天啊 - Poppy! -Oh, my God.
-波比 -天啊 - Poppy. -Oh, my God.
-你没事吧 -是乔希 -You okay? - It's Josh.
是乔希… It's Josh. It's Josh. It's Josh.
波比 Poppy?
-米卡 -怎么回事 -Micah. -What's wrong?
怎么了 What? What?
-亲爱的 别过来 -怎么了 -Honey. Stop. - What?
-什么事 -你最好别看 -What is it? -You don't want to see this.
-别看什么 -你最好别看 -Don't want to see what? -You don't want to see this.
-波比 -别… -Poppy. -Don't
天啊 Oh, my God.
差不多就是这样 That's, uh, that's pretty much it.
谢谢 Thank you.
宝贝 你还好吗 You okay, babe?
-不好 -是你发现尸体的 -No. - You found the body.
你是哪位 You are?
你的外套上有血迹 You got, um, blood on your jacket there.
你是哪位 And you are?
埃姆斯警监 Inspector Aames.
别问我为什么旧金山警察局不叫“警探” Don't ask me why the SFPD doesn't use detective.
我们已经在你的同事那里做过笔录了 他一定会把详情告诉你的 Well, we gave our statement to your colleague. I'm sure he can fill you in.
我更喜欢听第二次讲述的故事 I prefer to hear a story the second time it's told.
我去看看米卡 I'm gonna check on Micah.
好 Yeah.
你是波比吧 It's Poppy, right?
你没有在录音 对吗 You're not recording, are you?
你认识乔希亚多久了 How long did you know Joshua?
20年了 Twenty years.
你觉得他最新的纪录片 《德伦吉尔》如何 So, what do you think of his, uh, latest documentary, Drengir?
那又有什么关系 What in the world does that have to do with anything?
他拍了一部激怒埃瓦尔之子的电影 He made a film that pissed off the Sons of Ivar.
也许因果就是这么简单 It may be a straight line from point A to point B.
这就是你的推测这么快 That's your story? That fast?
那你的是什么 What's yours?
我要去看看米卡 I'm gonna check on Micah.
嘿 亲爱的 Hey, honey.
他刚才还在这里 He was just here.
然后就不在了 Then he's gone.
我们能送她回家吗 Can we please take her home?
是 如果有任何其他信息 我们会通知你们 Yeah, we'll let you know if we have any other information.
能给我一缕他的头发吗 Can I have a lock of his hair?
我尽力而为 I'll see what I can do.
谢谢 Thank you.
我送她去她的车那边 I'll walk her to her car.
今晚我不走了 I'm staying the night.
谢谢 Thank you.
和乔希在一起的那个小伙子是谁 Who was that boy with Josh?
他是背着米卡搞外遇吗 Was he cheating on Micah?
这不像他的作风 It's not like him.
如果他不爱她了 他就会离开 If he didn't love her anymore, he'd just leave.
这你可不能肯定 宝贝 You don't know that, baby.
我了解我的朋友 I know my friends.
我们了解的是 朋友们想让我们了解的婚姻状况 Oh, we know what our friends want us to know about their marriages,
仅此而已 and that's all.
英格拉姆 Oh, Ingram.
谢谢 Thanks.
一整夜不断有人上门 People have been coming on my property all night.
我不希望来访者像蟑螂一样越来越多 I don't want them multiplying like roaches.
你们能想想办法吗 Can you do anything about it?
米卡过去曾被跟踪狂骚扰 Micah's had issues in the past with a stalker.
等等 什么什么时候的事 Wait, what? Since when?
不 没什么 No. It's nothing.
只是一位可怜的女人 对我的书感同身受过了头 It's just a sad woman who identified too much with my books.
跟踪你的人不止她一个 She's not the only one.
你是哪位 And you are?
拉蒙 米卡的助理 Ramon. Micah's assistant.
-还有其他事吗 -没了 - Anything else? -No.
没了 No.
我的粉丝 他们有时是很狂热 My fans, they can... they can be intense,
但我…无法想象… but I... I couldn't imagine...
好 大门外的道路我们无能为力 Okay. There's nothing we can do about the road beyond the gate.
那是公共路段 It's public property.
但在接下来的48小时内 我们会派一辆警车在门外留守 But we'll go ahead and leave a car out front for the next 48 hours.
-好 非常感谢 -是 - Okay. Thank you very much. -Yeah.
听着 Look.
你需要私人保安 You need private security.
啊 Argh.
我不希望身边再有更多陌生人了 I don't want any more strangers around me.
他不是陌生人 He's not a stranger.
奥克兰警察局
二位有何贵干 What can I do for you gentlemen?
请出示身份证件 Let me see some ID.
听着 我叫马库斯基勒布鲁 Listen, my name is Markus Killebrew.
我直到三年前都在奥克兰警察局工作 负责第五区 I was OPD up until about three years ago. Area five.
别逼我重复 小子 -Don't make me repeat myself, son.
出示身份证件 Let me see some ID.
小子 Son?
嘿 怎么回事 Hey, what's going on?
看着我 宝贝… Look at me. Babe. Baby.
宝贝 看着我… -Baby, look... look at me. Look at me.
别给他们理由 你就待在我身边 Don't you give them a reason. You stay right here with me.
特里妮已经在和耶茨通话了 好吗 Trini's already on the phone with Yates, all right?
我叫扎丽娜基勒布鲁 My name is Zarina Killebrew.
我是阿尔塔贝茨医院的新生儿护士 这位是我丈夫马库斯基勒布鲁 I'm a neonatal nurse at Alta Bates, and this is my husband, Markus Killebrew.
他在奥克兰警察局工作了12年 He was OPD for 12 years.
现在他是一家私人保安公司的老板 Currently, owner of a private security firm.
这是我们的家 And this is our home.
我们的女儿正在房子里给这次互动录影 Our daughter is inside filming this interaction,
她同时也在和我们的邻居耶茨警探通话 and she's also on the phone with our neighbor, Detective Yates.
为什么我们非得给这些混蛋 提供这么详细的信息就差给血样了 Why do we have to give these motherfuckers everything but a blood sample
非得这样他们才会把我当人看啊 before they recognize that I'm a goddamn man, huh?
这就是我说的 他们把我的心情全毁了 See, this is what I'm talking about. They done fucked off my whole mood.
好了… -Come on. Come on.
-我没事了 好吗是的 -是吗好 -I'm good. All right? Yeah. -Yeah? Yeah?
你不用去上班吗 So, don't you have a shift to go to?
是吧 -Huh? -N
你该动身了 Well, you better get going.
因为我冷静下来了 真的 Because I'm cool. Really.
你确定 You sure?
听着 又不是说我不习惯这样 Look, it ain't like I'm not used to this.
这些事你之前都见过 Hmm? You've seen it all before.
你知道我爱你 You know I love you.
我也爱你 过来 I love your ass too. Come here.
嗯 Mmm.
-嗯 -嗯 -Hmm. -Hmm.
快去拯救生命吧 Now go on and save some lives.
-拜 宝贝 -拜 -Bye, baby. -Bye.
回头见 I'll see you later.
开车小心 -Drive safe. - Mm-hmm.
麻烦鬼来电
-你会留下来陪她吗 -我还能去哪里 -So, you'll stay here with her? -Where else would I be?
我有私事要忙 否则我不会走的 I have personal business, or I wouldn't leave.
不必解释 No need to explain.
你似乎并不太关心乔希的死 You don't seem overly concerned about Josh's death.
我不喜欢他 I couldn't stand him.
那你为什么在这里 So, why are you here?
我周游世界 赚很多钱 I travel the world. I make a ton of money,
我有一间避风港提供的公寓 and I have an apartment provided by Shelter.
在诺布山 In Nob Hill.
这就像是在问我为什么需要水和空气 That's like asking me why I need water and air.
我们的女儿正在房子里给这次互动录影 Our daughter is inside filming this interaction,
她同时也在和我们的邻居耶茨警探通话 and she's also on the phone with our neighbor, Detective Yates.
嘿 你会怀念当警察的时光吗 Hey, do you ever miss being police?
会啊 尤其是发生这种破事时 Yeah. Especially when shit like that happens.
逮捕黑人时你是否曾感到困扰 Did it ever bother you to arrest Black people?
是 一直都会 Yeah, all the time.
不 等等 这句话… No, wait, that's, uh...
不完全对 That's not entirely true.
逮捕嫌犯时我不会感到困扰 You know, I didn't have a problem arresting people
那些该被关起来的嫌犯 who deserved to be locked up.
在我心中 罪犯就是罪犯 就是这样 In my mind, a criminal is a criminal. That's it.
你看到过认识的人吗 Did you ever see people you knew?
看到过太多次了 Oh, yeah, way too many times.
我和很多傻瓜一起长大 -I grew up with a lot of knuckleheads. -Mmm.
那这是你离开警队的原因吗 So, is that why you left the force?
这个嘛… Well...
我离开警队的原因…很复杂 Why I left the force is, uh, complicated.
你认识那几个 用那些女孩拉皮条的警官吗 Did you know the officers that were pimping those girls?
你知道此事 You know about that?
我当时不知道 但是我告诉你吧 No. I didn't, but let me tell you something.
那些男人 Those men,
没资格自称警察 they don't deserve to call themselves police.
或自称男人 你明白吗 Or men, for that matter. Hear what I'm saying?
-是 -他们和罪犯暴徒没什么两样 - Yeah. -They're just basic criminals and thugs.
就是这样 That's all.
有人来了 Somebody's here.
好久不见 It's been a long time.
自从我离开 你就失去了酷炫节拍的相伴 Since I left you without a dope beat to step to.
马库斯 你好吗 How you doing, Markus?
我很好 波比 I'm good, Pops.
这是我女儿特里妮 This is my daughter. Trini.
特里妮 这位是波比帕内尔 Trini, this is Poppy Parnell.
很高兴认识你 特里妮 Nice to meet you, Trini.
我也很高兴认识你 帕内尔女士 Yeah, it's nice to meet you too, Miss Parnell.
嘿 是你帮我父亲 把那个人从监狱里弄出来的 对吗 Hey, you helped my father get that man out of jail, right?
是我帮了你父亲 I helped your father.
是的 没错 -Yes. Yes, I did.
是的 -I did.
嘿 亲爱的 你能…给我们弄点喝的吗 Hey, sweetheart, um, could you, uh, I don't know, get us something to drink?
-当然 我去去就回 -谢谢 -Yeah, of course. Be right back. -Thank you.
有何贵干 What can I do for you?
你听说乔希亚基思遇害的事了 You know about the Joshua Keith murder.
-该死 开始了 -不 不是你想的那样 -Oh, shit, here we go. -No, not like that.
你还记得我们儿时的玩伴小米卡吗 You remember Mikey from when we were kids?
是 你说的是那个… Yeah, you're talking about that, um,
过去总在布什洛德公园附近玩 脏兮兮的白人女孩 that grimy little white girl who used to hang around Bushrod Park.
乔希亚是她老公 Joshua was her husband.
嗯 Hmm.
我知道你现在拥有一家私人保安公司 And I know you have a private security firm now.
-黛丝里… -黛丝里告诉你的 对 -Desiree...Desiree told you. You're right.
我只是希望她身边有个值得信任的人 I just want someone around her that can be trusted.
别那样看我 Don't look at me like that.
避风港
这是你的办公室 Your very own inner sanctum.
保安部的戴文稍后会过来 为你开启一切权限 Devon with security will be by shortly to give you access to everything.
-酷 -有任何问题吗 -Cool. -Any questions?
有 避风港到底是什么 Yeah. What exactly is Shelter?
一个女性生活方式品牌及公司 A women's lifestyle brand and company.
粉丝们认为我们的目标是实现女性价值 Fans think we're about women's actualization.
研讨会工作坊心理治疗保健品 Uh, seminars, workshops, therapy, wellness products.
还有黑粉 And haters?
黑粉认为我们是个女巫团体 Haters think we're a coven.
嗯 Hmm.
这是给你的 This is for you.
-好 -这是悼念乔希的黑纱 -All right. -A mourning band for Josh.
我们在网上销售 We sell them online.
米卡认为这种仪式永远不该被遗忘 Micah believes it's a ritual that should have never gone away.
它既能向死者致敬 -Hmm. -It both honors the dead
又能强迫世人善待你 and forces the world to treat you with grace.
我问你个问题 Let me ask you a question.
乔希和这里的人走得近吗 Was Josh close to the people,
也就是你口中那些在这里工作的“客人” or as you would say, "guests" that work here?
有时吧 Sometimes.
就是他想用我们的设施或助手时 When he wanted to make use of our amenities. Or the assistants.
我的分机号是1637 有需要可以找我 Uh, my extension is 1637 if you need anything from me.
-嗨 -嗨 - Hey.
我们不必今天来医院的 我知道你要处理米卡的事 You know, we don't have to do this today. I know you're dealing with Micah.
乔希亚的事我很难过 他是个好人 Sorry about Joshua. He was a good man.
她怎么样 How's she holding up?
很不好 Terribly.
我本可以取消预约 但我能托的关系全托了 I would've skipped the appointment, but I pulled every string I could
才让你得以参加这次临床试验 我们可不能错过第一天 to get you into this clinical trial, and we certainly can't miss the first day.
我害怕 I'm scared.
我知道 老爸 I know, Daddy.
我们必须告诉莉莉安和妹妹们 We have to tell Lillian and the girls.
你需要大家支持 我们都要尽可能帮你 You need the support, and we all need to be able to help you.
-不要 -爸爸 -No. -Daddy.
我说不要 I said no.
你觉得怎么能瞒得住她们呢 Well, how do you think you're gonna be able to keep it from 'em?
尤其是莉莉安 Especially Lillian?
一旦告诉了她 我在她眼中就成了一位老人 The second I tell her, I'll become an old man to her.
我还没准备好让她把我当成疯子看待 I'm not ready for her to look at me like I'm losing my mind.
爸爸 Oh, Daddy.
我的妻子年轻貌美 I have a beautiful young wife.
我不要在她眼中变得荒唐可笑 I am not gonna be ridiculous to her.
此话怎讲 What does that mean?
就是字面上的意思 It means what it means.
这是我的条件 My terms.
我可不想听 I don't even wanna hear it.
-我们是天主教徒 -我是个罪犯 -We're Catholic. -And I'm a criminal.
男人有时是自相矛盾的 A man can be a contradiction.
卢卡瑟谢里夫波特斯高威尔 Lukather Shreveport Scoville?
这边请 Right this way.
我们把这一切瞒着不告诉她 So, we don't tell her about all of this,
但也许你能在其中找到有用的信息 but maybe you could find something useful.
是什么 -What is it?
仇恨邮件 Hate mail.
收信人是米卡 Addressed to Micah.
我的老天 Black Jesus.
哇 Wow.
请别拥抱我 Just don't hug me.
也别轻声细语地对我说话 And don't speak to me in a soft voice.
那样我会受不了 I'll just shatter if you do.
无论你需要什么 我都会在这里 I'm here for whatever you need.
我该如何面对大家 How am I supposed to face everybody?
别担心那个 Don't worry about that.
船到桥头自然直 我们会知道的 Just step by step until we know.
知道什么 我丈夫死在了另一个男人怀里 Know what? That my husband died in the arms of another man?
我是很悲伤 但我也感到羞耻 I mean, I'm sad, and then I'm humiliated.
我很悲伤 但我也很愤怒 I'm sad, and then I'm furious.
我一直以来是多傻啊 What kind of fool have I been?
今天警方联系你了吗 Did the police contact you today?
英格拉姆让我不要和他们说话 除非我有律师在场 Ingram told me not to talk with them unless I had a lawyer.
所以今天下午我要见几位律师 So I'm meeting with a couple this afternoon.
波比 乔希亚想和你说什么 Poppy, what did Joshua want to talk to you about?
他说了什么吗 W-Wh... I mean, did he say anything?
怎么了 What?
-我们以后再谈 -别把我想得那么脆弱 波比 -We'll talk about it later. -Oh, don't treat me like glass, Poppy.
天啊 烦死了 -I swear to God.
他为什么没出席晚宴 你们俩吵架了还是… Why didn't he show up at dinner? Were you guys fighting? Wh
只是… Just...
婚姻中的小吵 没什么大不了的 Just marriage sniping. Nothing major.
他在应对纪录片带来的负面反响 He was dealing with the fallout of his doc.
我专注于新书的出版 -I was focused on the launch.
我们都很忙 We were busy.
拉蒙 -Ramon!
把那手机拿走 - Get rid of that phone.
好的 Of course.
我把你这周剩下的行程都取消了 Um, I canceled the rest of your week.
拉克伦有些抗拒 但我处理好了 Lachlan gave me some pushback, but I handled it.
好 Okay.
你必须把悲伤发泄出来 You have to let yourself grieve.
我在研讨会上 就是这么对女孩们说的 但… It's what I tell my girls at the seminar, but...
现在这对我毫无意义 一点意义都没有 Right now, it means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing.
我只感觉自己疯了 All I feel is insane.
波比 我需要你帮我调查 乔希亚到底发生了什么事 Poppy, I need you to help me find out what happened to Joshua.
-你需要去休息一会儿 -不 听着 -You just need to get some rest. -No. Listen.
我当时坐在救护车后面 When I was in the back of that ambulance,
警官们在说笑 他们说卡斯特罗区的牛郎… the officers were joking that rent boys in the Castro were...
说他们… Like...
说他们玩俄罗斯轮盘 Like, playing Russian roulette.
我们不能指望他们告诉我们真相 We cannot depend on them to tell us the truth.
我去年让自己陷入了很多危险之中 I put myself in a lot of danger last year.
还有英格拉姆和我父亲 你知道赛迪出了什么事 Ingram, my father too, and you know what happened with Cydie.
如果是你出事 乔希亚会调查的 Joshua would do it if it were you.
没那么简单 It's not that simple.
波比 拜托 Oh, Poppy, please.
拜托 Please.
寻求真相永远没那么简单 Seeking answers is never a straight line.
我不会只查出你想让我知道的事 I won't only find out what you want me to know.
-那我不在乎 -但我在乎 -I don't care about that. -But I do.
我在乎 我… I do. I-I-I...
我会通过支持你来帮你 但我…不能增加你的痛苦 我… I will help you by supporting you, but I... I can't add to your pain. I...
我要去躺一下 I'm gonna go lie down.
嗨 是你 怎么样 Hey, you, what's going on?
嗨 Hey.
米卡要我调查乔希谋杀案 Micah asked me to look into Josh's murder.
哇 Whoa.
你确定你想调查吗 You sure you wanna do that?
我不想伤害她 Well, I don't wanna hurt her.
说实话 Real talk?
这件事加上我爸的事 我没有多余精力 Between this and Daddy, I don't have anything left.
我可以去调查 只是求个心安 Well, I could look into it, just for peace of mind,
你则可以专心去当她的朋友 and you could concentrate on being a friend.
好 Okay.
但务必暗中调查 But look quietly.
好 Okay.
嗨 Hey.
和米卡聊过了 Talked to Micah?
没有 英格拉姆 怎么了 No. What's going on, Ingram?
有个旧金山警察局的朋友提醒我 A friend of mine at SFPD gave me a heads-up.
警方打算结案 以先谋杀再自杀处理 Police are closing the case, classifying it as a murder-suicide.
那他们认为谋杀者是谁 Well, who do they think did the murdering?
他们认为是乔希亚 They think Joshua did it.
该死 Ah, shit.
12通电话真的吗 Twelve phone calls? Really?
先谋杀再自杀 Murder-suicide?
这是我听说过最草率的结案了 If that's not the laziest shit I've ever heard.
乔希能有什么动机呢 What could possibly be Josh's motive?
那要看是谁在问 是米卡牵涉过度的朋友 还是爱管闲事的记者 Well, who's asking? Micah's over-involved friend or the nosy journalist?
对这二者的回答不一样吗 Is the answer different for one and not the other?
提问要小心 Step light.
彼此彼此 I'll say the same to you.
-剧情里没有我 -有可能有 -I'm not the story. -Could be.
-你什么意思 -意思就是做好你的本职工作 -Now, what does that mean? -It means do your fucking job.
谈话结束 And we're done.
我再给你一次机会 I'll give you one more chance.
不然呢 Or what?
不然我就来调查此案 Or I'll investigate this.
然后你和你的整个部门会颜面丢尽 Then you and your whole department will come out looking like fools.
你看到的现场和我看到的一样 你只是不想面对事实 You saw the same thing I did. You just don't wanna face it.
他裸露着上身 倒在一个比他年轻许多的男子怀里 He was shirtless in the arms of a much younger man.
有证据表明那不是他们俩第一次邂逅 There's evidence that was not their first encounter.
没有破门而入的迹象 没有物品丢失 我还要继续说吗 No forced entry, nothing missing. Should I go on?
说 继续说 Yes, you should.
那跟踪米卡的人呢 What about Micah's stalker?
她办公室里的那些仇恨邮件呢 What about all the hate mail in her office?
那个什么埃瓦尔…之子呢 鬼知道他们叫什么名字 What about the Sons of... of... of Ivar, or whatever the hell their name is?
据我所知 那是个危险组织 From what I've read, they're dangerous.
那你应该保持距离 Well, then you should wanna stay away.
可别惹得他们把目光转向你 You don't want them turning their sights on you.
如果你知道这一点 你怎么能排除他们的嫌疑呢 If you know this, how can you rule them out?
你到底是怎么保住饭碗的 How the hell do you even keep your job?
你知道吗训练我的教官是欧文凯夫 You know I trained under Owen Cave?
那又怎样 So?
-你毁了他 -是他毁了自己 -So you've ruined him. -He ruined himself.
波比帕内尔 法官陪审团兼刽子手 对吗 Poppy Parnell. Judge, jury, executioner, right?
无论你这次想毁掉谁 绝对不会是我 Whoever you're gunning to destroy this time, it won't be me.
如果你不深入调查 你会毁了你自己 You'll destroy yourself if you don't dig a little deeper.
嗨 Hey.
他们结案了 They closed the case.
我知道 I know.
你在哪 Where are you?
我常去买醉的酒吧 Just my old stomping grounds.
这不是我想要的答案 你是知道的 That's not the answer. You know that.
我爸是怎么对你说的 “你总是可以到我们这里来” What did my daddy say to you? "You can always come to us."
到我身边来 亲爱的 到我身边来吧 Come to me, honey. Just come to me.
你有什么需要的吗 You need anything?
没有 我只是在努力 No, I'm, uh, just doing the work.
做自我肯定 Affirmations.
要不要休息一下 How about taking a little break?
悲伤不会妥协 我们也不应妥协 Grief doesn't settle. Neither should we.
听着 Now, look...
你知道 在我面前你不必如此 You know you don't have to do that with me.
嗨 我是乔希亚 请留言 Hey, it's Joshua, leave a message.
如果是你 亲爱的 给我发短信 And if it's you, honey, send me a text.
你知道我不听留言的 You know I don't listen to these things.
跟我来 Come with me.
你在这里是安全的 You're safe here.
你想待多久都可以 Take as long as you need.
你能和我一起祈祷吗 Will you pray with me?
嘿 Hey.
我… I, um...
打算做有关乔希的播客 Gonna do the podcast about Josh.
但我们必须对彼此坦诚 你必须对我坦诚 But we have to be honest with each other. You have to be honest with me.
-好 -如果不坦诚 那风险就太高了 -Okay. -The risk is too high if we're not.
但你说得对 But you were right.
乔希会为我冒一切风险 Josh would've risked it all for me.
你再一次拯救了我 You save me once again.
不 我们是互相拯救 No. We save each other.
我们必须公开调查 We have to do it publicly.
用播客的形式 -On the podcast.
迫使警方深入调查此案 Force the police to look deeper into the case.
嗯 Mmm.
好吗 Okay?
好 Okay.
谢谢你 Thank you.
休息吧 Get some rest.
“其他人的眼泪只是水而已” "Other people's tears are only water."
这是我朋友乔希亚基思 去世那晚对我说的话 My friend, Joshua Keith, said that to me the night he died.
我当时不知道他是什么意思 他为什么要说这话 I didn't know what he meant. Why he said it.
但现在感觉就像他…在坟墓里对我说话 But now it feels as if he's... speaking to me from the grave.
今天我听说警方结案了 Today, when I heard that the case was closed,
他的遗孀永远不会得到应得的答案 that his widow would never have the answer she deserved,
他的话一语成谶 his words became prophetic.
对那些不认识他的人来说 乔希的死是一个故事 To the people who didn't know him, Josh's death is a story.
一则头条新闻 A headline.
一个案件编号 - A case file number.
但对我们这些爱他的人来说 But for those of us who loved him,
这是令人心碎的失去 it's a heartbreaking loss.
应该得到答案的失去 A loss that deserves answers.
乔希亚不信教 Joshua wasn't religious.
我用的这个词和教堂无关 但他是个… Not in the churchgoing sense of the word, but he was...
有精神信仰的人 He was spiritual.
是个驰骋天下并以好奇心为动力的人 A man of the world that made curiosity his lodestar.
他还是《纽约时报》的年轻记者时 As young cubs at The New York Times,
他对我虔诚地参加主日弥撒感到无比惊奇 he was endlessly amused by my devotion to Sunday mass.
他觉得很有趣 It tickled him, and...
直到我向他解释了我对弥撒的感受 until I explained it the way I felt it.
它源自我第一次领圣餐时听到的一句祝福 And it came from a blessing I heard at my first communion.
“尽早教你的孩子们习读经文 "Teach your children scriptures early
他们便能获得 连自己都不知道已经拥有的保护” and they'll be able to access armor they didn't even know they had."
这是我的祝福 That was one of mine.
另一个我们共同分享 The other, we shared.
即我们20年友情的纽带 It was the tether of our 20-year friendship.
对真相的追寻就是我们的纽带 What tethered us together was the pursuit of truth.
我会沿着他的道路继续追寻下去 I will continue that pursuit on his path,
在得到全部答案前决不放弃 and I will not give up until I have all the answers.
真相将为我们照亮前进的方向 The truth will be the light that shines us through.
所以…我们开始吧 So... ...here we go.
再说一次 我是波比帕内尔 Once again, my name is Poppy Parnell.
希望大家能够重新考虑 And I'd like you to reconsider.