你们看 是乔伊的照片 Oh, look, look! There's Joey's picture!
好兴奋喔 This is so exciting!
你总是能知道 谁没看过他的表演 You can spot someone who's never seen his plays.
他们无畏无惧 不知道末日将至 Notice, no fear. No sense of impending doom.
标题上的惊叹号让我害怕 The exclamation point scares me.
这不只是佛洛依德 是佛洛依德 It's not just Freud, it's Freud!
魔法即将出现 Shh. Magic is about to happen!
伊娃… Well, Eva...
我们的进展很不错 ...we've done some excellent work here.
我得说… And I would have to say...
你的问题相当清楚 ...your problem is quite clear.
你只想要个小小弟 All you want is a dinkle
你羡慕他人的小弟 What you envy's a schwang
一个让你叮叮当的小东西 A thing through which you can tinkle
可以玩弄或丢在那儿 To play with or simply let hang
我觉得受到冒犯 I feel violated.
有其他人感觉到只想剥了自己的皮… Did anybody else feel like peeling their skin off...
好做点其他事情吗？ ...to have something else to do?
罗斯 十点钟 Ross, 10:00.
是吗？感觉像凌晨两点了 Is it? It feels like 2.
不是啦 是十点钟 No, 10:00!
有个漂亮的女人 在八 九 十点钟方向 There's a beautiful woman at 8, 9, 10:00!
哈罗 Hello!
她太棒了 She's amazing!
让我梦想中的女性都变成又矮又胖的秃头男性 She makes the women I dream about look like short, fat, bald men.
过去跟她说话啊 她又没有伴 Go over to her. She's not with anyone.
我要用什么开场白？ And what would my opening line be?
不好意思… Excuse me...
别这样 她也是一个人 你办得到的 Come on, she's a person. You can do it.
我根本配不上她 罗斯 你说对不对？ Could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up.
他这辈子永远都别想要把到那种美女 He could never get a woman like that in a million years.
但是我们常看到很漂亮的女生 跟不怎么样的男生在一起 But you always see these beautiful women with these "nothing" guys.
你可以当那种男生啊 You could be one of those guys.
- 可以啊 - 真的吗？ - You could do that. - You think?
绝对可以 Absolutely!
我不敢相信 我竟然还有这种念头 I can't believe I'm even considering this.
- 我一向谨言慎行 - 快去 - I'm very aware of my tongue. - Come on.
来了 Here goes.
什么事？ Yes?
你好 Hi. Um... Ahem.
好 接下来要说… Okay, next word would be...
钱德 ...uh, Chandler.
钱德是我的名字 嗯… Chandler is my name and, uh...
你好 Hi!
你已经说过了 Yes, you said that.
没错 但我没说的是… Yes! Yes, I did. But what I didn't say...
我想说的是… What I wanted to say was, uh...
你有空想和我一起出去约会吗？谢谢 晚安 ...would you like to go out with me? Thank you. Good night.
钱德？ Chandler?
他来了 There he is!
- 我不知道你会跳舞 - 你参与戏剧演出耶 - I didn't know you could dance! - You were in a play!
你们觉得怎样？ What'd you think?
- 我不知道你会跳舞 - 你参与戏剧演出耶 - I didn't know you could dance! - You were in a play!
别这样 没那么糟吧 我至少是主角 Come on, it wasn't that bad. I was the lead.
比轮唱好吧 至少可以看到我的头 It was better than the troll thing. At least you got to see my head.
- 没错 - 我们有看到你的头 - You're right. - We saw your head.
她说好 她说好 She said yes! She said yes!
哇 Wow!
这部剧烂透了 Awful play, man! Whoa!
她叫做欧若拉 是意大利人 说我的名字时超好听的 Her name's Aurora. She's Italian and she pronounces my name "Chandler."
我喜欢那样的叫法 噢 引座员叫我把这个给你 I like that better. The usher gave me this to give to you.
- 什么东西？ - 伊斯特•李奥纳德 经纪公司 - What is it? - The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency.
哇 有经纪公司给我名片 或许他们想跟我签约 An agency left me its card. Maybe they wanna sign me!
在看完今天的表演后？ Based on this play?
在看完今天的表演后 Based on this play!
中央咖啡厅
各位 Hey, kids!
嘿 钱德 Hey, Chandler.
不 这条线是热情 这一条只是线而已 No, because this line is passion, and this is just a line.
我不敢相信我已经来七秒钟了 却没有人问我约会的情况 I've been here seven seconds, and you haven't asked me how my date went.
你的约会怎么样 钱德？ How was your date, Chandler?
无法置信 It was unbelievable!
我没遇到过像她这样的人 她的一生超精彩的 I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life!
她参加过以色列军队 She was in the Israeli army.
幸好没有子弹打到引擎 None of the bullets hit the engine block...
我们才能逃到边境 ...so we made it to the border.
但也只是侥幸逃出 我… But just barely and I...
我整晚都在讲我的事 真的很抱歉 I've been talking about myself all night long. I'm sorry.
那你呢？告诉我你的故事 What about you? Tell me your stories.
好 有一次… All right, once...
有一次我去搭地铁 ...once I got on the subway, right?
那时很晚了… And it was at night...
我一直坐到布鲁克林站… ...and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn...
只为了好玩 ...just for the hell of it.
我们聊到两点 实在是完美的夜晚 We talked till 2. It was this perfect evening.
多多少少啦 More or less.
突然问 我们发现自己身处叶门 Suddenly, we realized we were in Yemen.
抱歉 谁是我们…？ I'm sorry, so "we" is?
就是我和瑞克 "We" is me and Rick.
- 谁是瑞克？ - 谁是瑞克？ - Who's Rick? - Who's Rick?
我先生 My husband.
噢 Ooh.
- 噢 所以你离婚了？ - 没有 - Oh, so you're divorced? - No.
抱歉 所以你在守寡吗？希望如此 I'm sorry. So you're widowed? Hopefully?
不 我还是有夫之妇 No, I'm still married.
那你先生对于你在这里 有什么想法？ So how would your husband feel about you sitting here with me...
还把脚滑到我的脚上面… ...sliding your foot so far up my leg...
连口袋里有多少零钱 都数得出来 ...you can count the change in my pocket?
别担心 Don't worry.
我想说他应该不会介意 因为他也没有太介意伊森 I imagine he'd be okay with you because he's okay with Ethan.
伊森？谁是伊森？ Ethan? There's an Ethan?
伊森是我的… Ethan is my...
男朋友 ...boyfriend.
什么？ What?
跟我解释一下 竟然你已经有丈夫跟男友了 So, uh, what kind of relationship do you imagine us having...
你希望我们会有什么样的关系？ ...if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?
我想主要是性关系吧 I suppose, mainly sexual.
哈 Huh.
很遗憾没有成功 I'm sorry it didn't work out.
什么没有成功？我星期四还会再跟她见面 What not work out? I'm seeing her again on Thursday.
你没有听到我说的故事吗？ Didn't you listen to the story?
太诡异了 你怎么可以 跟这样的女人交往？ How could you get involved with a woman like this?
我一开始也很难接受 但是想想其实百益无一害 I had trouble with it at first, but I get all the good stuff.
只要谈天说笑 还有性… All the fun, all the talking, all the sex...
完全不用负责任 ...and no responsibility.
这可是每个男人的梦想 This is every guy's fantasy!
才不是 罗斯 这是你的梦想吗？ That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
当然不是 No, of course not.
是 没错 Yeah. Yeah, it is.
所以你们不介意 跟有其他伴侣的女性交往？ You'd go out with someone else who's going out with someone else?
我做不到 I couldn't.
很好 Good for you.
我和女性交往时 我必须知道… When I'm with a woman, I need to know...
我交往的人 比她还多 ...that I'm going out with more people than she is.
一夫一妻 You know...
确实值得商榷 ...monogamy can be a tricky concept.
就人类学上的角度来说… I mean, anthropologically...
好吧 你们永远都不会知道了 Fine. Now you'll never know.
我们只是开玩笑啦 说吧 We're kidding. Tell us.
- 我们都想知道 - 说啦 - We wanna know. - Come on!
好吧 理查•李基有一个理论… All right. There's a theory put forth by Richard Leakey...
嗒哒 Ta-da!
我们以后都要用这样的方式打招呼吗？我还挺喜欢的 Are we greeting each other this way now? I like that.
你们看 我打扫了 Look! I cleaned!
我擦了窗户 地板 I did the windows. I did the floors.
我还用了吸尘器所有的接头 除了圆的那一个 I used all the attachments on the vacuum except for that round one.
我不知道那是用来做什么的 I don't know what it's for.
没有人知道 我们也不该问 Nobody knows, and we're not supposed to ask.
你们觉得怎么样？ What do you think?
- 很干净 - 真的 很棒 - It's very clean. - Really, it looks great!
我看到你移动了绿色的垫椅 Oh. Heh. I see you moved the green ottoman.
啊哦 Uh-oh.
是怎么发生的？ How did that happen?
不知道啊 我觉得放那边比较好看 I don't know. I thought it looked better there.
而且茶几旁边 也多一个座位 And also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table.
对 是蛮有趣的 Yeah, it's interesting.
这样好了 只是好玩… But you know what? Just for fun...
看看放在原本的位置会如何 ...let's see what it looked like in the old spot.
只是比较一下 Just to compare.
看一下 Let's see. Ha!
嗯 放在这里 也很棒 Well, it looks good there too.
先摆在这里吧 Let's leave it there for a while.
真不敢相信你试着搬动那个绿色的垫椅 I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
幸好你没摊开杂志 Thank God you didn't fan out the magazines.
不然她会把你的眼睛挖出来 She'll scratch your eyes out.
我没有那么糟糕吧？ You guys, I am not that bad!
你有 摩妮卡 Yeah, you are.
还记得我跟你住在一起过吗？ Remember, I lived with you?
你就是一副… You were a little, you know...
这样说超不公平的 That is so unfair!
拜托 我们小时候 你的破娃娃是唯一不破的 When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy.
好吧 我比较有责任心 有组织性 Okay, so I'm responsible. I'm organized.
但我也能很懒散 But, hey, I can be a kook!
好吧 懒女人 All right, you madcap gal!
想像这个情况 Try to imagine this.
电话帐单寄来了 但是你没有立刻付费 The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
- 为什么没有？ - 因为你很懒散 - Why not? - Because you're a kook!
所以你等到他们再寄一张通知给你 Instead, you wait until they send you a notice.
我做得到 I could do that.
好 你让我去买… Okay, then you let me go grocery shopping...
我买了洗衣精 ...and I buy laundry detergent.
但不是容易挤出来的那种 But it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.
怎么会有人这么做？ Why would someone do that?
有些人会这样想 One might wonder.
有人把杯子放在茶几上 没有杯垫 A glass is on the table. There's no coaster.
是一杯冷饮 在大热天之下 It's a cold drink. It's a hot day.
小水珠逐渐逼近桌面… Beads of condensation are inching their way closer to the wood...
不要说了 Stop it!
天哪 Oh, my God!
是真的 我是什么样的人？ It's true. Who am I?
摩妮卡 你是妈妈 Monica, you're Mom.
我的天啊 Uh-huh? Oh, my God!
好吧 Okay.
好 我会去的 Okay, I'll be there.
刚刚是我经纪人 That was my agent.
我的经纪人帮我安排在阿尔•帕西诺的新片中演出 My agent has just gotten me a job in the new Al Pacino movie!
太棒了 Whoa! That's great!
什么角色？ What's the part?
你们能相信吗？是阿尔•帕西诺耶 Can you believe this? Al Pacino!
他是我成为演员的原因 This guy's why I became an actor.
"我失控？你才失控" "I'm out of order? You're out of order!
"这整个法庭都失控了" This whole courtroom's out of order!"
说真的 是什么角色？ Seriously, what's the part?
"当我以为已经出局时 他们又把我拉回" "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"
快点说啦 乔伊 是什么角色？ Come on. Seriously, Joey, what's the part?
你是…什么？ You're, you're... What?
我是他屁股的替身 好吗？ I'm his butt double, okay?
我饰演阿尔•帕西诺的屁股 I play Al Pacino's butt.
好吗？他开始冲澡… All right? He goes into the shower, and then...
我就演他的屁股 ...I'm his butt.
天啊 Oh, my God!
你们别这样 Come on, you guys.
这是部阿尔•帕西诺主演 大制作的电影 This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it and that's big!
不 真的太棒了 Oh, no, it's terrific.
你努力了这么多年… After all your years of struggling...
终于有机会挤进娱乐圈了 ...you've finally been able to crack your way into show business.
好吧 你们尽量开玩笑 我才不在乎 Okay, fine. Make jokes, I don't care.
这是我的一大突破 This is a big break for me!
你说得没错 You're right. It is.
那你要请我们去看屁股首映会吗？ So are you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
- 我需要借点润肤霜 - 干嘛用的？ - I need to borrow some moisturizer. - For what?
你说呢？今天是大日子 What do you think? Today's the big day!
好 去厕所 想用什么都可以 Okay, go into the bathroom. Use whatever you want.
只要别跟我说 你在里面做了什么 Just don't ever tell me what you did in there.
谢了 Thank you.
- 乔伊的妈妈打来 - 他在厕所 - Joey's mom's on the phone. - He's in the bathroom.
- 你不想进去的 - 拜托 我们是室友耶 - You don't wanna go in there! - Come on, we're roommates.
我的眼睛啊… My eyes! My eyes!
我警告过你了 I warned you.
是谁这么吵？ Who is being loud?
噢 是摩妮卡 Oh, that would be Monica.
嘿 我可以借点东西吗？我想煮早餐给欧若拉吃 Can I borrow some things? I wanna make Aurora breakfast.
噢 你有整夜的时间能陪她？ You got the whole night, huh?
对 我只有二十分钟 直到伊森… Well, I only have 20 minutes until Ethan, so...
有人有点哀怨喔？ Do I sense a bit of resentment?
不…没有哀怨 相信我… No, no, no. No resentment. Believe me...
真的很值得 ...it's worth it, okay?
在感情关系中 总是有些特别难忘的时刻 In a relationship, you have these key moments...
让你一辈子都会记得 ...you'll remember for the rest of your life.
跟欧若拉在一起的每分每秒都像那样 Well, every single second is like that with Aurora.
而我刚刚浪费了三十五秒的时间跟你们说话 And I've just wasted 35 of them talking to you.
摩妮卡 你可以帮我开门吗？ So, uh, Monica, can you help me with the door?
钱德 以前的摩妮卡会提醒你… Um, Chandler, you know, the old Monica would remind you...
用塑胶刷 刷洗锅子 ...to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush.
但是我不会那么做 But I'm not gonna do that.
该死 就聘请她 Damn it! Hire the girl.
大家准备好了吗？ Okay, everybody ready?
听着 我只想谢谢你 给我这么好的机会 Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity.
脱掉浴袍 Lose the robe.
我脱？ Me?
那样才拍得成 That would work.
好 解开浴袍中 Right. Okay. Losing the robe!
好 浴袍脱完了 Okay, and the robe is lost.
各位 我想要一次就拍好 Everybody, I would like to get this in one take.
来吧 Let's roll it.
开水 Water's working.
开拍 And action!
卡 And cut!
屁股男 你在干什么？ Butt guy, what are you doing?
我在冲澡 I'm showering.
不 你在挤屁股 No, that was clenching.
我的想法是 这个家伙很难过 Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, you know?
他老婆死了 哥哥又失踪 His wife's dead, his brother's missing.
他的屁股这时候 应该会很生气 I think his butt would be angry here.
我认为他的屁股会想在午餐前拍好 I think his butt would like to get the shot before lunch.
再来一次 开水 Once again, rolling. Water working.
开拍 And action!
卡 又怎么了？ And cut! What was that?
我想表现出沉静的绝望 I was going for quiet desperation.
但如果你想问… But if you have to ask...
天啊 我好爱这些手指 God, I love these fingers.
谢谢 Thank you.
我其实是指我的手指 No, actually, I meant my fingers.
看看它们有多开心 Look at them. Look at how happy they are.
- 天啊 我迟到了 - 不要… - Oh, my God, I'm late! - Oh, no, no, no.
- 不要走 - 好 - Don't go, don't go. - Okay, okay.
- 我真的得走 - 她要走了 - I have to. - Look, she's leaving.
对不起 他会等我 I'm sorry. He'll be waiting for me.
我以为你跟瑞克谈过了 I thought you talked to Rick.
不是瑞克 It's not Rick.
伊森？他可以陪你一整天的时间 Ethan? He gets the whole day with you!
不 是安德鲁 No, it's Andrew.
我知道会有好几年的时间… I know there'll be many moments...
我将后悔问你以下的问题 但是… ...when I'll regret asking the following question, but...
安德鲁是谁？ And Andrew is?
他是…新欢 He's... new.
你是说瑞克 伊森和我 无法满足你？ So you're not completely fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself?
我并不是… No, that's not exactly what I was...
不知道有多少女人… Most women would kill...
会被我们三个人迷倒 ...for three guys like us.
那你想要什么？ So, what do you want?
你 You.
- 你已经有我了 - 不 只是你 - You have me. - No, no. Just you.
什么意思？ What do you mean?
甩掉其他人 Lose the other guys.
他们所有人吗？ Like, all of them?
别这样 我们在一起很开心 为什么不行？ Come on, we're great together. Why not?
我们为什么不能保持这样就好？ Why can't we just have what we have now?
只要谈天说笑跟性… Why can't we just talk, laugh and make love...
彼此没有任何负担？ ...without feeling obligated to one another?
今晚之前 我以为这也是你想要的 Up until tonight, I thought that's what you wanted too.
部分的我想要… Well, part of me wants that...
但我就像个双面人 ...but it's like I'm two guys.
其中一个说 "闭嘴 这样很棒" I mean, one guy's saying, "Shut up! This is great!"
但还有另一个人 But there's this other guy.
他每次都会挺身而出… It's the guy who wells up every time the Grinch's heart...
仗义直言 ...grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device.
他会说 "这太难了 快点脱身" He's saying, you know, "This is too hard. Get out, get out!"
那你会听哪个人的话？ So which one of the two guys will you listen to?
两个人的话我都听 他们一直插嘴 I have to listen to both. They don't let each other finish.
哪个人？ Which one?
第二个 The second guy.
我懂了 I see.
如果改变心意 就打给我 Call me if you change your mind.
抱歉 第一个人主管嘴唇 Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.
这样想吧 是你甩了她 Look at it this way. You dumped her!
对吧？这个女生… Right? I mean, this woman was...
超级性感… ...unbelievably sexy...
又美丽 聪明 超难追… ...and beautiful, intelligent, unattainable...
再说一次你为什么这么做 Tell me why you did this again?
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey! - Hey!
电影明星来了 Movie star!
你不是那个在阿尔•帕西诺的新片中饰演屁股的人吗？ Aren't you the guy who plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?
不是 Nope.
不是？怎么了 大家伙？ No? What happened, big guy?
大家伙？ Big guy?
我就是突然想这么说嘛 It felt like a "big guy" moment.
我被炒鱿鱼了 I got fired!
他们说我太投入了 They said I acted too much with it.
我到处宣扬 I told everybody about this.
现在大家都会到戏院 想看我演… Everybody will be expecting to see me.
乔伊 没有人看得出来的 You know what? No one will be able to tell.
我妈妈会 My mom will.
这听起来很甜蜜… There's something so sweet...
却又很恶心 ...and disturbing about that.
六年来 我一直在演烂戏… I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years...
终于有机会了 却被我搞砸 ...and I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
或许这不是你的机会 Maybe this wasn't your shot.
我觉得当机会真的来临 你就会知道 I think when it's your shot, you know it's your shot.
感觉像是你的机会吗？ Did it feel like your shot?
很难说 我当时光着身体 Hard to tell. I was naked.
我不认为这是你的机会 I don't think this was your shot.
我甚至不认为 你只会有一个机会 I don't even think you just get one shot.
我真的相信 你会有一番作为 I really believe big things are gonna happen for you. I do.
你要想说有一天 有个小孩会说… You've gotta keep thinking about the day that some kid will go...
"我拿到角色了 我要演乔伊•崔比亚尼的屁股" ..."I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!"
真的吗？你真贴心 You think? That's so nice.
来吧 Oh, come here.
抱歉 乔伊 我要去睡觉了 各位 I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys.
晚安 Good night.
你要把你的鞋子留在这里吗？ You're gonna leave your shoes out here?
嗯 Uh-huh.
真的吗？就这样乱丢… Really? Just casually strewn about...
完全都不整齐？ ...in that reckless, haphazard manner?
无所谓 我明天再收拾 或者是改天 It doesn't matter. I'll get them tomorrow. Or not!
随便啦 Whenever.
她真的很懒 She is a kook.
如果你这么心烦 就去把鞋子收好 If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes.
不 不要去 No, don't do this!
太蠢了 This is stupid!
我不需要证明任何事 我要去收拾 I don't have to prove anything. I'm gonna go get them.
但是这样 大家都会知道 But then everyone will know.
除非收好后 早上早点起来再放回去 Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back.
谁来帮帮我啊 I need help!