我们走运了 Hey. We are so in luck.
房东说这些很酷的都可以给我们 Treeger said we could have all this cool stuff from the basement.
等一下 Wait right there.
不行 我要划走了 Oh, no, no. I'm paddling away.
呃？ Huh?
真的？这些生锈的垃圾不用钱？ Wow. Really? We got all this rusty crap for free?
还有一堆泡泡棉 Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap...
有些完全没挤过 ...and some of it is not even popped.
我们真是白人垃圾 Could we be more white trash?
我真是绝望透了 How desperate am I?
幸好钱德不在 谁也惨不过他 Oh, good thing Chandler's not here. He always wins at this game.
我刚答应帮我妈的宴会办外烩 I just told my mom I'd cater her party for her.
- 为什么？ - 因为我需要钱 - How come? - Because I need the money.
而且这样正好可以抛开 最后一丝自尊 And I thought it'd be a great way to get rid of that last little smidgen of self-respect.
别这样 这是好事啊 Come on, I think this is a good thing.
要不是觉得你行 I don't think Mom would've hired you...
妈不会找你 ...if she didn't think you were good at what you do.
你不必替她说话 她听不到 You don't have to stick up for her. She can't hear you.
嘿 你们有果汁吗？ Hey, um, do you guys have any juice?
只有腌黄瓜汁 Just pickle.
瑞秋 说来好笑 Hey, uh, Rach. Funny story.
我昨天在路上遇见乔安娜 I bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday.
我的上司乔安娜？一定很尴尬 My boss, Joanna? Wow, that must have been awkward.
事实上她找我一起去喝杯东西 Well, no. Actually, she asked me if I wanted to get a drink.
你没有答应吧？ You, uh, didn't say yes to that, did you?
没有 Ha, ha. No. No.
你好 瑞秋 Hello, Rachel.
开始没答应 Well, not at first.
她在这里干什么？ What is she doing here?
我不懂 I don't understand.
你上次跟她约会时说她很无聊 Last time you went out with her, you said she was a dud.
我太快下定论了 I think I judged her too quickly.
这次我们进展到下一个阶段 And this time, we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
我上次差点被炒鱿鱼 你马上给我做个了结 Well, last time, I almost got fired. You must end it. You must end it now.
这可不是每天都有的事 It's not like this is an everyday occurrence for me.
通常我都一个人睡 I mean, usually I'm pretty much in there by myself.
钱德 Chandler.
钱德 答应我跟她分手 Promise me you will end it.
- 好 我会跟她分手 - 谢谢 - Okay. I promise I'll end it. - Thank you.
不过我的牺牲很大 But I hope you know what I'm giving up for you.
她可不只是你的上司 Because she's not just the boss in your office.
懂吗？ You know what I mean?
哦 Yeah.
对不起 我懂 Oh, sorry. I knew what he meant.
外烩大厨忙得怎样？ How's the hired help?
很顺利 法式咸派快好了 Doing great. Quiches are coming along.
这是什么？蓝色指甲油？ What's this? Blue nail polish?
对 我觉得很好看 Yeah, I thought it was cute.
你奶奶死后 指甲就是这个颜色 Ha. It's what your grandmother's hands looked like when we found her.
我问你一个问题 Let me ask you a question.
你为什么找我？ Why did you hire me?
理查一直说他的派对餐点很棒 Oh, well, Richard raved about the food at his party...
但你当时在跟他上床 ...of course, you were sleeping with him.
后来我听说 那场同志婚礼的菜很好 Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice.
你应该没跟那些人上床吧 I assume you weren't sleeping with anyone there.
否则起码很特别 Though, at least that would be something.
天哪 你听到了吗？ Oh, my God. Did you hear that?
她是觉得我很行才找我 She hired me because she thinks I'm good.
我没听到这个 Okay, I didn't hear that.
她不是在可怜我 Yeah. She didn't hire me out of pity.
不是想在朋友面前刁难我 It wasn't so she could pick on me in front of her friends.
她是真的觉得我行 She actually thinks I'm good.
还有 如果你是同志就太酷了 Wow. And hey, it's cool if you're a lesbian. Ha, ha.
午安 你是这里的家长吗？ Good afternoon. Are you the decision-maker of the house?
嗯… Uh...
你目前拥有一套百科全书吗？ Do you, uh, currently own a set of encyclopedias?
没有 不过分类广告上什么都有 No, no, but, uh, try the classifieds. People sell everything in there.
我不是要买 我是要卖 Actually, I'm not buying. I'm selling.
我问你一个问题 Let me ask you one question.
你是否曾在朋友们聊天时 Do your friends ever have a conversation...
只能跟着点头 ...and you just nod along...
却搞不懂他们在说什么？ ...even though you're not really sure what they're talking about?
告诉你 这根本是违宪 I'm telling you, it's totally unconstitutional.
- 没错 - 完全同意 - I hear you. Yeah it is. - I totally agree.
我觉得他应该得诺贝尔奖 I think he deserves a Nobel Prize.
才怪 No.
很像阿尔冈昆族小孩的桌子 It was like the Algonquin kids' table.
抱歉 对不起 Excuse me. I'm sorry.
你发了大约两分半钟的呆 You haven't said anything for about two and a half minutes.
你到底有没有兴趣？ Are you at all interested?
有… 请进 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, oh, yeah. Come on in. Come on.
- 怪了 - 怎么了？ - That's weird. - What?
你的假指甲 Your nails.
我知道 我永远不用假指甲 Oh, I know. I never wear fake ones.
我怕咬指甲被我妈念 I just did it so my mom wouldn't give me grief about biting them.
我是说你现在只有九个指甲 No, I meant it's weird that you only have nine now.
天哪 Oh, my God.
等一下 Wait a minute.
我之前要烤… I had them when I put...
天哪 在咸派里面 Oh, my God. It's in the quiche.
- 完了 - 好 不要慌 - Oh, my God. - Okay, don't panic.
我去帮你买一组新指甲 I'm gonna go to the store, get you another set of nails.
没有人会知道 你还是很美 No one is gonna know, and you're gonna look great.
噢 你是怕他们会吃到 Oh. Oh, it's because they're gonna eat... That's the problem.
女儿 别咬指甲 Honey, don't bite your nails.
你别发疯 Okay, uh, please don't freak out.
不过某个咸派里有一片蓝指甲 Um, but there's a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups.
而且无从找起 And there's no way to know which one.
找到的人可以中大奖 And whoever finds it wins the prize.
我不会发疯 Ha, ha. I'm not freaking out.
你在笑什么？ Why are you laughing?
没事 你爸输我五块钱 It's nothing. It's just that now your father owes me $5.
你赌我会掉指甲？ Ha, ha. What, you bet I'd lose a nail?
别傻了 我只是赌我会用上这个 Oh, no, don't be silly. I just bet that I'd need these.
- 冷冻千层面？ -嗯 - Frozen lasagnas? - Mm.
你赌我会搞砸？ You bet that I'd screw up?
你还说什么我很行… So all that stuff about hiring me because I was good was...
不 那都是真的 No, that was all true.
这只是怕你搞摩妮卡飞机 This was just in case you pulled a Monica.
你答应心理医生不再这么说了 You promised Dr. Weinberg you'd never use that phrase.
拜托 有点幽默感嘛 Honey, come on. Have a sense of humor.
你总是不懂得自嘲 You're never able to laugh at yourself.
是啊 That's right. Ha, ha.
我妈对我没信心 好好笑喔 My mom doesn't have any faith in me. Oh, that's hilarious.
哪里好笑？ I don't get it.
我对你有信心 No. I have faith.
你有的是千层面 No. You have lasagnas.
噢 毁掉的咸派好了 Oh, the ruined quiches are ready.
这种感觉不像是分手 It just doesn't feel like we're breaking up.
是分手啊 我好伤心喔 No, we are. I'm sad.
好吧 Okay.
喂？ Yes?
可以等到明天吗？好吧 Uh, can you wait till tomorrow? All right.
实在无法相信 Unbelievable.
谢了 Thanks.
不是 我得去见我的老板 No, no. That was my boss. I have to go.
好 Okay.
你在干什么？ What are you doing?
- 穿衣服 - 为什么？ - I'm getting dressed. - Why?
光着屁股走在路上会被扔东西 When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.
等一下 给你看个东西 Wait. I want to show you something.
什么东西？ What is it?
别人送的一个小道具 Just a little gag gift somebody gave me.
把手合在一起 Put your hands together.
你又不是我的老板 You're not the boss of me.
你是 Yeah, you are.
粉辣喔 Hmm. Saucy.
我两分钟后就回来 I'll be back in two minutes.
你要这样把我和住？ You're, uh...? You're going to leave me like this?
知道你在等我 感觉很令人兴奋 Knowing you're here waiting for me, I think that's kind of exciting, don't you?
好 但要是你不马上回来… Okay, but if you don't come back soon...
我也不能怎么样 ...there's pretty much nothing I can do about it.
- 噢 - 嗨 我帮你带了杏仁饼回来 - Oh. - Hi.I brought you back a macaroon.
很好 我会把它贴在屁股上 Oh, great. I'll keep it in my butt with your nose.
奇怪 她把门锁上了 That's weird. She locked the door.
你知道为什么吗？里面有圣诞奖金名单 You know why? She's got the Christmas bonus list in there.
我早上看到她在打 I saw her working on it this morning.
好 你可别说出去 Okay, swear you won't tell.
马克离职时给了我一把钥匙 But when Mark left, he gave me a key to Joanna's office.
- 你想看名单吗？ - 想 - You want to see the list? - Yeah.
嗨 Hi.
你好吗？ How are you?
喂 乔安娜… Hello, Joanna...
的办公室 ...'s office.
对不起 我还要一阵子 I'm sorry. I may be a little longer.
- 多久？ - 两个小时 我觉得很抱歉 - How little? - A couple hours. I feel awful.
- 一点也不好玩 马上给我回来 Look, this isn't funny. You get back here now.
- 我没办法 - 为什么？ - I can't. - Why not?
我在我老板的车上 I'm in my boss' car.
- 什么？ - 进隧道了 - What? - Uh-oh, tunnel.
干嘛？ What?
瑞秋 请进来一下 Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
好 情况是这样的 Okay, here's the situation. Ahem.
手铐的钥匙挂在门上 The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door.
你能不能行行好… Could you be a doll...
拿了钥匙冲过来帮我解套？ ...and grab them and scoot on over here and unlock me?
题外话 好漂亮的套装 And on a totally separate subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
你答应要跟她分手的 You promised you would break up with her.
我跟她分手啦 只不过她分得很狂野 I did break up with her. She just took it really, really well.
你都没想过 这样会破坏我的事业吗？ And the fact that you were jeopardizing my career never entered your mind?
我想过啊 It did enter my mind.
但后来的事让这个念头飞了 But then something happened that made it shoot right out.
钱德 You know what, Chandler?
你害自己被铐住 就自己脱困 You got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out them.
不 我没办法自己脱困 No, no, no. I can't get myself right out of them.
你把我跟脱逃大师钱德搞混了 You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler.
帮帮我啦 Come on, you have to unlock me.
她可能要去很久 我好冷 而且… She could be gone for hours, and I'm cold and...
钱德 好 够了 Ugh! Chandler. All right. This is it.
不准你再见她 You never see Joanna again.
永远 Never.
- 不准再进这个办公室 - 好 - You never come into this office again. - Fine.
- 把随身听还给我 - 我… - You give me back my Walkman. - I...
我没借过 I never borrowed your Walkman.
那就是我弄丢了 买一台给我 Well, then I lost it. You buy me one.
没问题 快解开吧 太好了 You got it. Here we go. Come on. This is great.
- 呃 - 会痛吗？ - Aw. - Does it hurt?
不会 我只是看别人都会叫一声 No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off.
亲爱的裤子 Hello, sweet pants.
慢着 你要怎么跟乔安娜说？ Wait a minute. What are you gonna tell Joanna?
说什么？ About what?
她看你走了会知道是我放的 我会被解雇 When she sees that you're gone, she's gonna know I let you out and I'm gonna get fired.
我会撒谎 我最会撒谎了 I'll make something up. I'm good at lying.
我的确借了你的随身听 I actually did borrow your Walkman.
行不通的 她会知道我有钥匙 No, there's nothing to make up. She's gonna know I have a key to her office.
我得把你铐回去 I've gotta get you locked back the way you were.
噢 想都别想 Oh, I don't think so.
这样好多了 Well, this is much better.
这个人很有意思 So here's somebody interesting, Joey.
你对梵谷认识多少？ What do you know about Van Gogh?
- 他割掉自己的耳朵 - 还有呢？ - Uh, he cut off his ear. - And?
没了 I'm out.
这是他画的 He painted that.
不赖嘛 Wow. That's pretty nice.
我以为他割掉自己的耳朵 是因为他很逊 I thought he cut off his ear because he sucked.
- 还有什么？ - 我看看 - What else you got in there? - Let's see, uh...
- 教宗住在哪里？ - 森林里 - Where does the Pope live? - In the woods.
等等 那是开玩笑的 Wait, wait, that's the joke answer.
他住在梵蒂冈 Actually, it's Vatican City.
你知道什么是硫化橡胶吗？ Now, uh, what do you know about, uh, vulcanized rubber?
节育用品 Spock's birth control.
你需要这套书 You need these books.
- 嘿 - 嗨 - Hey. - Hi.
这里是你的旧房间？ This used to be your room?
哇 你小时候一定很健美 Wow. Oh, you must have been in really good shape as a kid.
我真是个白痴 Oh, I'm such an idiot.
我居然以为她会改变 I can't believe I actually thought she could change.
谁管你娘怎么想？ Look, who cares what your mom thinks?
搞摩妮卡飞机又怎样？ So you pulled a Monica.
哦 好的 我很高兴能迎头赶上 Oh, good. I'm glad that's catching on.
谁说这一定要是坏话？去改变它的意义 Why does that have to be a bad thing? Just change what it means.
去证明你妈是错的 You know, go down there and prove your mother wrong.
你把工作顺利完成 我们就把它叫做搞摩妮卡飞机 You finish the job you were hired to do and we'll call that "pulling a Monica."
什么？ What?
小孩每一科都拿优等 父母会说 Okay, um, if a kid gets straight A's, his parents would say:
"你搞了摩妮卡飞机" 哈哈… "Yeah, you pulled a Monica." Ha, ha.
消防员救出一个宝宝 大家会说"他搞摩妮卡飞机" Oh, or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah, no, he pulled a Monica."
有人打全垒打 播报员会说 Or someone hits a home run, and the announcer says:
"这是一支红不让" "Yeah, that one's out of here."
有些事是不会变的 Because some things don't change.
好 我要下楼去 All right. I'll go down there.
我不上千层面 我要上我做的菜 But I'm not gonna serve the lasagna. I'm gonna serve something that I make.
等等 Wait.
噢 Ooh.
噢 哇 Oh! Wow.
哇 我的咪咪真有力 Wow, my breasts are really strong.
钱德 Chandler.
拜托 我得把你铐回去 Chandler, please. I have to get you locked up back the way you were.
我的饭碗快不保了 I'm so going to lose my job.
她很在意办公室的隐私权 She's very private about her office.
我总算知道原因了 Now I know why.
你不管怎样都有麻烦 Hey, look. You're in trouble either way, okay?
她看见我被铐在柜子上 If she comes and sees me locked to this instead of the chair...
就会知道你进来过 你还不如让我走 ...she's gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
- 我帮你洗浴室一个月 - 还是洗不干净 - I'll clean your bathroom for a month. - Still wouldn't be clean.
我只要我的自由 All I want is my freedom.
- 揉脚一个月 - 自由 - Foot rubs for a month. - Freedom.
把你的相片通通整理好 I'll take all your photos and put them into albums.
自由 我要我的自由 Freedom. I want my freedom.
你为什么不听？苏菲 救救我 Why won't you hear me? Sophie, help me.
- 救我 - 苏菲 坐下 - Help me. - Sophie, sit.
请你冷静好吗？ God, would you just calm down?
我再说最后一次 I'm going to say this for the last time.
能不能请你… ？ Would you please just...?
我对呕吐的了解还真少 Wow, there's a lot I didn't know about vomit.
等一下 In a minute.
你觉得如何？ So, what do you say, Joey?
只要一千两百块 就能拥有整套百科全书 You get the whole set of encyclopedias for $1200.
平均一本才五十元 That works out to just 50 bucks a book.
一千两百块？ Twelve hundred dollars?
你觉得我有一千两百块吗？ You think I have $1200?
我大白天窝在家里 I'm home in the middle of the day...
还用凉椅 洋伞当家具 ...and I got patio furniture in my living room.
有些事是书上学不到的 I guess there's a few things you don't get from book learning.
你能凑出多少？ Well, uh, what can you swing?
零头期款 月付零元如何？ How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
你什么都没有？ You don't have anything?
你想看我有什么吗？好 You want to see what I got? Okay.
我有一个巧克力棒 I got a baby Tootsie Roll...
- 张电影票根 钥匙 面纸 ...a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex...
一块小石头 ...a rock...
和一个玩具兵 ...and an army man.
好 我懂了 耽误你了 Okay, I get the picture. Uh, thanks for your time.
和一张五十元 And a fifty.
这一定是钱德的裤子 Huh. These must be Chandler's pants.
五十元可以买一本 For 50 bucks you can get one book.
你要哪一本？A？B？C？ What will it be? A? B? C?
我还是买V好了 I think I'm gonna stick with the V.
我想看看结局如何 I want to see how this bad boy turns out. Heh.
我帮你买和包装圣诞礼物 I, uh, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
- 不要 - 噢 - No. - Oh.
我每天早上帮你榨柳橙汁 I, uh... Oh, I'll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning.
- 有果肉？ - 有 - With extra pulp? - Yeah.
不要 No.
我知道了 I've got it.
你才不知道 You don't have it.
我完全知道了 I have so got it.
这件事会传出去 挡也挡不住 There's gonna be rumors about this. There's no way to stop it.
苏菲知道 摩妮卡 菲比知道 Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
- 她们怎么会知道？ - 我打给她们了 - How do Monica and Phoebe know? - Oh, I called them.
当她们问我看到什么 When they ask me what I saw...
我可以很大方… ...I can be very generous...
也可以很小气 ...or very stingy.
- 说下去 - 我可以让你成为传奇 - Go on. - I can make you a legend.
我可以让你成为现代唐璜 I can make you this generation's Milton Berle.
- 而唐璜… - 根本比不上你 - And Milton Berle has... - Oh. Not compared to you.
- 怎样？ - 客人碰都没碰千层面 - Well? - They're not even touching the lasagna.
- 真的？ - 他们好喜欢你的砂锅料理 - Really? - Oh, they love your casserole.
漂亮 Yes.
不久前这些都还是材料呢 It's hard to believe, just a little while ago, this was nothing but ingredients.
大家都很喜欢你做的菜 Everyone seems to like your dish.
那你呢？ And you?
我觉得… I thought it was...
很好吃 ...quite tasty.
要是大家都喜欢 你也喜欢 So if everyone liked it, and you liked it...
那就代表很成功 而你… ...that would make this a success. Which would make you...
就是恶婆娘？ A bitch?
我想说"你就错了" 但你的说法也行 Well, I was going for "wrong," but we can use your word.
对 我错了 Yes, well, I was wrong.
我必须要说… And I have to say...
你让我大开眼界 ...you really impressed me today.
哇 Wow.
你还可以说她搞了摩妮卡飞机 Um, you might even say that she pulled a Monica.
她不知道我们改过了 She doesn't know we switched it.
下次你帮我办外烩 And the next time you cater for me...
冷冻库里只会有冰 ...there will be nothing but ice in the freezer.
这是很大的鼓励 Well, that really means a lot.
妈 别咬指甲 Oh, Mom, don't bite your nails.
- 哈罗 - 嗨 - Hello. - Hey.
钱德 你好啊 Hello, Chandler.
我爱你 I love you.
怎么回事？ Hey, what's going on?
哦 Oh.
少来了 No, he doesn't.
拖了两小时 Two hours, that lasted.
所以你跟乔安娜分手了吗？ So did you break up with Joanna?
应该是吧 I think so.
幸好她跟维苏威一样爆炸之前 你就闪了 Well, it's a good thing you got out when you did, before she blew up like Vesuvius.
- 那座火山？ - 对 - The volcano? - Yeah.
讲到火山 那些火成岩还真暴力 And speaking of volcanoes, man, are they a violent, igneous-rock formation.
什么？ What?
熔岩乱喷 热灰乱飞 Oh, yeah. Lava spewing, hot ash.
不过有些是休火山 Of course, some are dormant.
你怎么突然聊起火山来了？ Why are you talking about volcanoes all of a sudden?
不一定要聊火山 Oh, we can talk about something else.
你们想聊什么？活体解剖？ What do you want to talk about? Vivisection?
输精管？ The vas deferens?
越战？ The Vietnam War?
有人看了那部韩战纪录片吗？ Oh, did anybody see that documentary on the Korean War?
有 有 Oh, yeah.
韩国好美喔 Oh, God, Korea's such a beautiful country.
- 命运却好悲惨 - 是啊 - With such a sad history. - Yeah.
有好多姓金的 Could there be more Kims?
- 外面是谁？ - 是我 早安 - Who's out there? - It's me. Good morning.
瑞秋 你能不能进来一下？ Rachel, could you come in here a moment?
好 没有罂粟籽焙果了 Yeah, sure. Um, they didn't have poppy-seed bagels...
所以我买了芝麻… 天哪 ...so I have sesame ones... Oh, my word.
我… I...
我出了一点办公室灾难 I seem to have had a slight office mishap.
请把门后的钥匙拿给我 Could you get the key off the back of the door?
当然 好 Yeah, sure. I...
对不起 I'm so sorry.
告诉你的朋友钱德 我们这次绝对是分手了 Tell your friend Chandler that we're definitely broken up this time.
好 Okay.