我的天啊 Oh, my God.
我知道 摩妮卡怀孕了 I know. Monica's gonna have a baby.
这能算是她的"新经验"吗？ Can this count as her "something new"?
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
嘿 你觉得这就是 钱德逃婚的原因吗？ Do you think this is why Chandler took off?
不是 她应该是刚刚才验的孕 我昨晚倒过垃圾 She had to have just taken it. I took out the trash last night.
这将会是有史以来 最糟糕的一场婚礼 It's turning into the worst wedding ever.
新娘怀孕 新郎逃婚 我还拿着这个 The bride's pregnant, the groom's missing and I'm holding this.
菲比 我们不能告诉任何人这件事 Phoebe, we cannot tell anyone about this.
- 对 没错 - 好吗？ - Right. Yeah. - Okay?
嘿 等一下 你知道 她用哪种方法避孕吗？ Do you know what kind of birth control she uses?
不知道 怎么了？ No. Why?
防患未然 广告上可不会提这种事 Just for the future. This is hardly a commercial for it.
有消息吗？ Anything?
没有 我跟在片场的乔伊谈过 他也没有他的消息 No. I talked to Joey. He hasn't heard from him.
我又去问了钱德的父母 I talked to Chandler's parents again.
- 你跟她们说他失踪了？ - 没有 - You said he was missing? - No.
我装作打电话过去跟他们聊天 It seemed like I called to chat.
我很确定她们两个 都以为我对她们有兴趣 Pretty sure they both think I'm interested.
- 我们得告诉她他失踪了 - 不 我们不能那么做 - We've got to tell her. - No, we can't.
罗斯 她很快就会开始做准备 She'll start getting ready soon.
你不能拖延她吗？ 我会把昨晚找过的地方再找一遍 Can't you stall her? I'll go to the places I went last night.
你需要多少时间？ How much time?
她最晚要什么时候开始准备？ How long before she has to get ready?
- 顶多一小时 - 给我两小时 - One hour. - Give me two.
那你干嘛问我？ Then why do you ask?
- 祝我好运 - 我跟你一起去 - Wish me luck. - I'm going with you.
为什么？ Why?
你累了 你找了一夜 很明显地你不是找人专家 You're tired. You looked all night. And clearly, you suck at this.
待会见 See you later.
你知道该怎么拖延她吗？ Wait, do you know how you're gonna stall her?
- 我会想出办法的 - 好吧 祝你好运 - I'll figure something out. - Okay, good luck.
嘿 我想我们得先开始化妆 然后再弄头发 Let's start with my makeup and then do my hair.
好吧 但你开始准备前 我要你跟我谈一谈 Okay. But before you do that, I need you to talk to me.
谈什么？ About what?
我永远都没办法结婚了 I'm never gonna get married.
你会的 你的真命天子快出现了 You will. The right guy's around the corner.
好吧 我们谈完了吗？ Okay, are we done with that?
不 我是认真的 No, I'm serious.
或许我该忘了这件事 当个女同性恋 Maybe I should just forget about it. Become a lesbian or something.
跟你在一起的女人会是个幸运儿 Any woman would be lucky to have you.
或许我跟乔伊上床 就不会感觉那么糟糕 Maybe I'd feel better if I slept with Joey.
瑞秋 你没事吧？ Rachel? Are you okay?
对不起 艾朗 我对通告表有点问题 Excuse me, Aaron? I have a little problem with the schedule.
今天本来没有我的戏 我非去参加一场婚礼不可 I wasn't supposed to work today. I have a wedding that I have to be at.
我最好的朋友要结婚 我是证婚人… It's my best friend's, and I'm officiating...
我真的四点前就得离开 ...so I really can't work past 4.
你得待到戏拍完 我们不能为你暂停拍戏 You've gotta stay until the end. We can't stop filming just for you.
又不是你要结婚 It's not like it's your wedding.
我要动手术 I'm having surgery.
什么？ What?
我骗你说我要结婚 因为我不希望你担心 I made up the wedding, because I didn't want you to worry.
但今天我要动手术 But I'm having surgery today.
什么样的手术？ What kind of surgery?
移植手术 Transplant.
但你星期一都得拍戏的 You're supposed to work on Monday.
毛发移植手术 Hair transplant.
但你不是秃头 But you're not bald.
要移植的部位不是我的头 It's not on my head.
我真的帮不上忙 或许你可以在四点前离开 There's nothing I can do. You'll probably be out by 4 anyway.
我们只要拍一场戏 就你跟理查 他是专业的 We've got one scene. It's just you and Richard, and he's a pro.
没问题的 You'll be fine.
早安 理查 Morning, Richard.
你来了 太棒了 我们开始吧 Hey, you're here. Great. Let's go, buddy.
我们还得拍戏 We got a scene to shoot.
我系了两条皮带 I'm wearing two belts.
- 你喝醉了吗？ - 没有 - Are you drunk? - No.
你喝醉了 Yes, you are.
好吧 All right.
原来这就是你的办公室 So this is your office?
你们怎么找到我的？ 我就知道我该躲在健身房 How'd you guys find me? I knew I should've hid at the gym.
- 你到底在做什么？ - 慌张 - What the hell are you doing? - Panicking.
我在上网找证据证明 我跟摩妮卡有血缘关系 And using the Internet to try to prove that I'm related to Monica.
- 她还好吗？ - 她很好 她不知道你失踪了 - How is she? - She doesn't know you're gone.
她不必知道 来吧 我们回家了 And she doesn't have to know. Come on, we're going home.
- 我不能那么做 - 为什么？ - I can't do that. - Why not?
因为如果我回家 我们会成为宾氏夫妇 If I go home, we're gonna become the Bings.
我不能当宾氏夫妇 I can't be the Bings.
那有什么不对的？ What's wrong with it?
宾氏夫妇的婚姻都很可怕 The Bings have bad marriages.
他们会吵架 打成一团 还会把救生员… They yell, fight, and use the pool boy...
当成他们性爱游戏的玩物 ...as a pawn in their sexual games.
你曾经穿上黑色洋装 要我到你饭店的房间吗？ Have you ever put on a black dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
- 没有 - 那么你不是你父母 - No. - Then you are neither of your parents.
不只是他们的婚姻 看看你的婚姻 看看大家的婚姻 It's not just their marriage. Look at yours. Look at everybody's.
只有保罗纽曼的婚姻幸福美满 Only Paul Newman can make marriage work.
我很清楚我自己 我不是保罗纽曼 And I am no Paul Newman.
我不会赛车或做爆米花 也不会捐钱给慈善团体 I don't race cars or make popcorn. None of my proceeds go to charity.
听我说 钱德… But look, Chandler...
现在没有人比我更看不起你 ...right now no one has a lower opinion of you than I do.
但我完全相信你做得到 But I totally believe you can do this.
我也想 我很爱她 但我害怕… I want to. I love her so much, but I'm afraid...
这太沉重了 Ahem. It's too huge.
你说得对 这是件大事 You're right. It is huge.
我们为什么不一步一步慢慢来？ So let's take it just a little bit at a time.
暂时忘了结婚的事 忘了它 Forget getting married for a sec.
你能回家洗个澡吗？ Can you just come home and take a shower?
那不可怕 对吧？ That's not scary, right?
那得看你说"我们"是什么意思 Depends on what you mean by "we."
漫漫长夜是最难熬的 The nights are the hardest.
但天亮了… But then the day comes...
白天就跟黑夜一样难熬 ...and that's every bit as hard as the night.
- 然后黑夜又来了… - 白天跟黑夜都很难熬 我知道了 - Then the night comes... - Days and nights are hard, I get it.
对不起 我得开始准备了 今天我要结婚 I have to start getting ready. I'm getting married today.
我知道 在黄昏的时候 I know. At dusk.
对我来说黄昏是很难熬的 That's such a hard time for me.
我要化妆了 我们得在一小时内赶到饭店 I'm gonna put makeup on. We have to be there in an hour.
- 等一下 - 干嘛？ - Wait. - What?
我们去吃午饭吧 Let's go to lunch.
我不能去吃午饭 I can't go to lunch.
对喔 Right.
天啊 我跌倒了 Oh, good God, I've fallen down.
发生了什么事？ What's going on?
好吧 Okay.
好 听我说 All right, honey, listen.
当我告诉你这件事时 我要你记得… When I tell you what I'm about to tell you, remember...
我们都会支持你 我们都爱你 ...that we're all here for you, and we love you.
好吧 你真的吓坏我了 Okay, you're really freaking me out.
我们找不到钱德… We can't find Chandler...
的背心 His vest.
我们找不到钱德的背心 We can't find Chandler's vest.
怎么可能？ 等一下 你是认真的吗？ How can that be? Wait, are you serious?
背心找到了 Found the vest.
我们得看好它 确定不会再把它弄丢了 We'll have to keep an eye on it, make sure we don't lose it again.
啊 Ah.
好吧 别那样吓我 好吗？ Oh, wow. Okay, don't scare me like that, okay?
刚刚我还想说 "天啊 最糟糕的事发生了" For a minute, I was like, "Oh, my God. The worst has happened."
你们两个结过婚？ So you two were married, huh?
后来发生了什么事？ 你们就慢慢疏远了？ What happened, you just drift apart?
新娘来了 Here comes the bride.
我的天啊 摩妮卡 Oh, my God, Monica.
我想每天都穿这件婚纱 I want to wear this every day.
你真的好漂亮 You look so beautiful.
我为自己感到高兴 I'm so happy for me.
- 喂？ - 钱德出现了吗？ - Hello? - Did Chandler show up yet?
- 我们找到他了 没事了 - 该死 - We got him back. Everything's fine. - Damn it.
- 怎么了？你在哪里？ - 我还在片场 - Where are you? - I'm still on the set.
乔伊 不到一小时 婚礼就要开始了 The wedding is in less than an hour.
我知道 对不起 跟我对戏的演员 喝醉了 戏没拍好他们不让我离开 I'm sorry. The guy's drunk. They won't let me go until we get it.
我的天啊 我得再去找位牧师 Oh, my God. I'm gonna have to find another minister.
不 我是牧师 No, I'm the minister.
听着 叫他们两个一起听电话 我现在就帮他们证婚 Put them both on the phone and I'll marry them right now.
乔伊 我得挂电话了 Joey, I have to go.
别挂我电话 帮你跟我证婚 我现在就可以 我有那样的权力 Don't hang up on me. I'll marry you and me right now. I have the power.
你看看 你穿上了礼服 There you go. You put on a tuxedo.
那一点都不可怕吧？ That wasn't scary, was it?
对 No.
我跟你说 一步一步慢慢来 I'm telling you, just a little bit at a time.
接下来我们要做什么？ Okay. What's the next little bit?
- 结婚 - 好 - Getting married. - Oh, ah.
你一定能办到 就像其他的事你都做得很好 You can do that too. Just like you've done everything else.
- 你说得对 我可以办到 - 对 - Yeah, you're right. I can do that. - Yeah.
- 我要出去一下 - 你要去哪里？ - Excuse me for a minute. - Where you going?
我不会再逃走 我只想呼吸点新鲜空气 I'm not gonna run away. I just want some fresh air.
- 好吧 - 好吧 - Okay. - Okay.
喔 新鲜空气 Oh, fresh air.
- 帮我掩护 - 或许你反应过度了 你常这样 - Cover for me. - Maybe you overreacted.
我们得想个办法 We gotta do something.
乔伊没办法赶过来 我会看看 饭店里有没有其他人在办婚礼 Joey won't make it, so I'll look around for other weddings.
别告诉他们摩妮卡怀孕了 因为他们厌恶那种事 Don't tell them Monica's pregnant, because they frown on that.
好吧 Okay.
安纳斯塔赛奇斯 巴巴西法奇斯联姻 太棒了 "Anastassakis Papasifakis wedding." Excellent.
恭喜 Congratulations.
恭喜 Mazel tov.
嗨 好漂亮的帽子 Hi. Oh, great hat.
我要你帮另一场婚礼证婚 可以吗？ I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that?
我不知道 他们是希腊正教的信徒吗？ I don't know. Are they Greek Orthodox?
耶 耶 Yeah. Yeah.
他们是我的朋友 摩妮卡史蒂芬诺波里斯 They're my friends, Monica Stephanopolis.
跟钱德艾西多菲利斯 And Chandler Acidophilus.
嗨… Hi. Hi.
嗨 Hi.
有人看到钱德吗？ Has anyone seen Chandler?
- 我还以为他跟你在一起 - 他刚才是跟我在一起 - I thought he was with you. - He was with me.
我们在玩游戏 捉迷藏 We're playing a game. Hide-and-seek.
你不能问我们 儿子 那是作弊 You can't ask us, son. That's cheating.
你说得对 谢谢你纠正我 爸 You're right. Thanks for keeping me honest, Dad.
他最好别到这里来 他不能看到新娘穿婚纱的样子 He can't come here and see the bride in her wedding dress.
我还记得我们结婚的时候 我看到新郎穿婚纱的样子 When we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
那是婚礼后的事 那就不会带来恶运 That was after the wedding. It's not bad luck then.
甜心 那也没带来好运 Honey, it isn't good luck.
我的天啊 摩妮卡 Oh, my God. Monica.
我知道 I know.
- 钱德还好吗？ - 他好极了 - How's Chandler doing? - Great.
他非常好 别担心钱德 He's doing great. Don't you worry about Chandler.
- 菲比 我能跟你谈一下吗？ - 没问题 - Phoebe, can I see you for a second? - Yeah.
- 发生了什么事？ - 钱德又不见了 - What's going on? - Chandler's gone again.
为什么你要跟一个可能会逃跑的人 玩捉迷藏呢？ Why would you play hide-and-seek with someone you know is a flight risk?
艾朗 你得放我走 那家伙烂醉如泥 Aaron, you gotta let me go. The guy's hammered.
对不起 只要他还清醒地待在这里 我们就得继续拍下去 I'm sorry. As long as he's here and conscious, we're still shooting.
你该不会有根大叉子吧？ You wouldn't happen to have a very big fork?
我刚刚跟导演谈过 So I just talked to the director.
就这样 今天就拍到这里为止 That's it. We're done for the day.
戏拍完了吗？ We finished the scene?
- 对 你表现的很棒 - 你也是 - Yeah. You were wonderful. - As were you.
我把你的车开过来了 车子就停在外面 So I got your car. It's right outside.
谢谢 别客气 Thank you. You're welcome.
不 我们得走了 来吧 要走了 No, we gotta go. Come on. Here we go.
那是我的屁股吗？ Is that my ass?
- 他在那里 - 干嘛？ - There he is! - What?
嘿 Hey! Whoa!
这次你逃不了 先生 You won't get away this time!
除非你真的要我痛扁你 Unless you want that ass-kicking we talked about.
- 罗斯 - 嘿呀 - Ross. - Hi-yah!
我是认真的 我不准你抛弃我妹妹 I'm serious. You're not walking out on my sister.
没错 我不会的 That's right. I'm not.
- 那你跑到哪里去了？ - 我知道摩妮卡的事 - Then where have you been? - I know about Monica.
- 你知道了？ - 什么？ - You know? - What?
- 我听到你跟瑞秋说话 - 说什么？ - I heard you and Rachel talking. - About what?
你不知道吗？ You don't know?
如果你们不立刻 告诉我发生了什么事… If somebody doesn't tell me right now...
干嘛？你会"嘿呀"吗？ What, you'll "hi-yah"?
摩妮卡怀孕了 Monica's pregnant.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
我的天啊 你没有被吓跑吗？ Oh, my God. And you're not freaking out?
我是吓坏了 后来我去了礼品店 因为我的烟都抽完了 I was. Then I went to the gift shop for cigarettes.
- 烟？ - 请谈正事 - Cigarettes? - Big picture, please.
我在礼品店看到这个东西 So I was in the gift shop, that's when I saw this...
我想"能穿上这玩意的东西 应该不可怕" And I thought anything that can fit into this can't be scary.
很明显地 你没看过 《灵异入侵少年军团》 You obviously didn't see Chuckie III.
别这样 看看这件小衣服有多可爱 But come on, look at how cute and small this is.
我要把它送给摩妮卡 她会知道我没事的 So I got it to give Monica, so she'd know I was okay.
兄弟 Dude.
做得好 儿子 我就知道你一定能找到他 Way to go, son. I knew you'd find him.
我们的小儿子要结婚了 Our little boy is getting married.
看看你 真的好英俊 Look at you, so handsome.
你看起来很漂亮 妈 You look beautiful, Mom.
你看起来也很漂亮 爸 You look beautiful too, Dad.
我爱你们 I love you both.
我很高兴你来了 I'm so glad you're here.
你是钱德吗？ Are you Chandler?
你是乔伊吗？ Are you Joey?
- 这真的是太棒了 - 什么？ - Huh. This is nice. - What?
这是我第一次走在红毯上 知道自己不可能会离婚 I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce.
真希望你祖母能活着看到这一慕 I wish your grandmother had lived to see this.
- 但奶奶就在那边啊 - 不是那个老太婆 我是说我妈 - She's right there. - Not that old crone. My mother.
恭喜你 亲爱的 Congratulations, darling.
我们爱你 甜心 We love you, sweetheart.
你看起来好美 You look beautiful.
- 这是新买的吗？ - 不要现在讨论 - Is this new? - Not now.
- 他是谁？ - 我是卡拉巴索斯神父 - Who's this? - I'm Father Karabasos.
他是希腊正教的神父 He's Greek Orthodox.
你们也是希腊正教的信徒 As are you.
开始举行婚礼吧 Let us begin.
亲爱的来宾… Dearly beloved...
那是我的台词 That's my line.
我从这里开始接手 谢谢 I can take it from here. Thanks.
亲爱的来宾 抱歉我来迟了一点 Dearly beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little late.
或许你们会觉得很困惑… You may be confused by this now...
但到了2002年 阵亡将士纪念日 你们就会了解 ...but you won't be Memorial Day weekend, 2002.
快点开始举行婚礼 免得新郎又逃跑了 Let's get started before the groom takes off again.
今天我们齐聚在这里… We are gathered here today...
参加这个男人… ...to join this man...
跟这个女人神圣的婚礼 ...and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony.
我跟摩妮卡及钱德认识很久了 我不能想像… I've known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can't...
有谁比他们两个更匹配 ...imagine two people more perfect for each other.
因为我把演讲稿 忘在更衣室里… And now, as I've left my notes in my dressing room...
我们直接念誓词吧 摩妮卡？ ...we shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
- 他逃走过？ - 快点 - He took off? - Go on. Go on.
钱德 从小… Chandler, for so long...
我就在想 我能不能找到我的白马王子 ...I wondered if I would ever find my prince.
我的灵魂伴侣 My soul mate.
三年前 在另一场婚礼… Then three years ago, at another wedding...
我向朋友寻求安慰 ...I turned to a friend for comfort.
结果我找到了 我一直在找的一切 And instead, I found everything that I'd been looking for my whole life.
现在… And now...
我们在这里… ...here we are...
一起迎接未来 ...with our future before us.
我只想跟你在一起 And I only want to spend it with you.
我的白马王子 我的灵魂伴侣 My prince. My soul mate.
我的朋友 My friend.
除非你不愿意 Unless you don't want to.
轮到你了 You go.
钱德？ Chandler?
不 没关系 No, that's okay.
我以为这是我必须做 最困难的一件事 I thought this would be the most difficult thing I ever had to do.
但我看到你走过红毯时 我了解到它真的很简单 But when I saw you walking down that aisle, I realized it's simple.
我爱你 I love you.
不论出现什么样的惊喜 没关系 因为我会永远爱你 Any surprises that come our way, it's okay, because I will always love you.
我注定要跟你共度余生 You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with.
你想知道我确不确定吗？ You want to know if I'm sure?
你可以吻新娘了 You may now kiss the bride.
那么… So...
我要以纽约州的网友们… I guess by the powers vested in me by the State of New York...
赋给我的权力… ...and the Internet guys...
我现在宣布你们已结为夫妇 ...I now pronounce you husband and wife.
等一下 你们愿意吗？ Oh, wait. Do you take each other?
- 我愿意 - 我愿意 - I do. - I do.
太棒了 你们都愿意 Yeah, you do.
戒指？ Rings?
喔 该死 好吧 Oh, crap.
来戴婚戒吧 Let's do the rings.
可以吗？ We good? Yeah? Good?
我要再一次… Once again...
宣布你们结为夫妇 ...I pronounce you husband and wife.
你可以再吻新娘一次 Now kiss her again.
我爱你 I love you.
我知道宝宝的事了 And I know about the baby.
- 什么宝宝？ - 我们的宝宝 - What baby? - Our baby.
我们有宝宝了？ We have a baby?
菲比发现了你的验孕棒 Phoebe found your pregnancy test.
我没有验孕 I didn't take a pregnancy test.
那么是谁验了孕？ Then who did?
看看他们 Look at them.
而且他们要有孩子了 And they're gonna have a baby.
额 Uh-huh.