等一下 在进屋之前 我要你知道我爱你 Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know that I love you.
我蜜月时玩得很高兴 And I had a great time on our honeymoon.
我等不及要跟你共度一生了 I can't wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.
你还戴着那条贝壳项链 You're sticking with the shell necklace, huh?
- 你们回来了 - 对 - Hey, you're back! Woo-hoo! - Yay!
- 快进来 - 对 快来吧 - Come on in! - Yeah, come on!
你们蜜月玩得开心吗 How was the honeymoon?
我们很开心 最棒的是我们认识一对很棒的夫妇 So much fun. The best part is, we met this incredible couple on the flight back.
那是最棒的吗 这真的是很棒的蜜月 小子 That was the best part? Good honeymooning, tiger.
他们很酷 他们也是去度蜜月的 They're cool. They were on their honeymoon too.
他们就住在城里 They're terrific. They live here in the city.
我们能打电话给他们吗 现在打会不会太快了 Can we go call them? Is it too soon to call? I wanna call.
我们很兴奋 我们终于认识一对夫妇朋友了 Sorry, we're excited. We finally have a couple to hang out with.
夫妇朋友 你是说两个人吗 像是一 二 两个人 A couple? Like two people? Like one, two people?
那不一样 葛瑞格跟珍妮结婚了 This is different. Greg and Jenny are in a relationship.
葛瑞格跟珍妮 "葛瑞格 我是钱德 这是摩妮卡" Ugh, Greg and Jenny. Ugh! "Hi, Greg. I'm Chandler. This is Monica."
"嗨 摩妮卡 她是珍妮" "嗨 珍妮 嗨 葛瑞格" "Hi, Monica. This is Jenny." "Hi, Jenny. Hi, Greg."
- 他们真的很棒 如果你们… - 你知道吗 - Listen, they're great. If you got a chance... - You know what?
快送我们纪念品 然后滚出去 Why don't you give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here.
- 我们没有机会… - 你是在开玩笑 - We didn't get a chance to... - You've got to be kidding me!
- 我们没有买任何人的礼物 - 好漂亮的项链 - We didn't get anything for anyone. - Mm-hm, yeah. Nice necklace.
你可以把它拿走 That you can have.
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 # # So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 # # Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 # # It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 日复一日 年复一年 # # When it hasn't been your day, #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 # # your week, your month, or even your year #
# 你我永不离弃 # # but I'll be there for you #
# 你我相偎相依 # # 'Cause you're there for me too #
- 嗨 - 嘿 - Hi. - Hey!
- 哈罗 - 欢迎你们回来 - Hello! - Welcome home.
蜜月还好玩吧 So, how was the honeymoon?
太棒了 你们呢 你们要有宝宝了 Great! How about you? I mean, you're having a baby!
- 你看 我有宝宝的超音波照片 - 太棒了 - Oh, look, I have a sonogram picture. - Oh, good.
罗斯 宝宝遗传了你的黑色卷发 Ross, it's got your wavy, black lines.
现在罗斯知道了 到底是怎么发生的 So now that Ross knows, can you tell us how it happened?
在什么时候 你们做了几次 When did it happen? How many times did it happen?
- 摩妮卡 那么问是不对的 - 什么 - Monica, that's not right. - What?
从你们在哪里做开始说吧 Start with where.
事情发生在六个星期前 Well, it happened about six weeks ago.
我回到家 发现罗斯也在 And, uh, I had just got home from work and Ross was already there.
- 他跟乔伊混在一起 - 别客气 兄弟 - I guess he'd been hanging out with Joey. - You're welcome, buddy.
对 谢谢 Yeah, thanks.
我有很多事要做 罗斯主动说要帮忙 And so I had a lot of work, and Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out.
我们边喝酒边聊天 And then we had wine, we got to talking.
接下来 罗斯采取主动 Next thing you know, out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.
嗯 那样… Um, heh. That's...
那么说是不对的 That's a little misleading.
- 什么 - 你刚刚说的谎话 - What is? - The lie you just told.
- 我说是你主动的 - 没错 - That you came on to me? - There's the one!
- 但那是真的 老实一点吧 - 没错 老实一点吧 - But you did. Let's be honest. - Yes, let's.
那不重要 You know what? Uh, it's not important.
重要的是我们要生孩子了 Heh, what's important is that we're having a baby.
谁先泡"随"并不重要 It doesn't matter who came on to who.
是"谁"才对 "Whom."
没错 That's right.
- 你先吻我的 - 是你求我的 - You kissed me first. - What? You were begging me to kiss you!
你发暗号给我 You were sending me signals all over the place.
- 我发暗号给你 - 对 - I was sending signals? Please. - Yeah.
谁觉得是我发暗号给罗斯求他的 Okay, anyone think that I'd actually send Ross begging signals?
请举手 Please, show of hands.
别人怎么想并不重要 事情真的发生了 It doesn't matter what people "believe." What matters is what happened.
解释一下 或许我得小心一点 These signals, explain this. Maybe I need to be more careful.
我正在发送讯号吗 Am I you sending these signals right now?
- 你知道吗 别谈了 - 告诉我我是怎么求你的 - You know what? Just drop it. - Show me how I begged you.
我可以证明 我都录在录影带里了 I can show you! I have it on videotape.
那是一种说法 It's an expression.
我不敢相信 他录下他们做爱的经过 I can't believe he taped the two of them having sex.
对 你得先告诉对方才能开始录影 Yeah. You gotta tell a girl before you tape her.
那是菜乌才会犯的错误 Such a rookie mistake.
- 你知道谁有很棒的摄影机吗 - 葛瑞格跟珍妮 - Know who has a great camera? - Greg and Jenny?
- 我要打电话给他们 - 快打吧 - Do you want to call them? I want to. - Let's call.
问他们有没有买纪念品送给朋友 Ask them if they brought their friends souvenirs.
喂 第八街外送餐厅 Hello? 8th Street Deli?
快挂掉 光跟他们说话 你就会食物中毒 Hey, hang up. You get food poisoning just talking to that place.
- 抱歉 - 来吧 打错了 宝贝 - Sorry, wrong number. - Here you go, babe.
喂 又是外送餐厅 Hello? It's the deli again!
好吧 我要吃三明治 All right, I'll have a sandwich.
我想这个电话号码是错的 I don't think this number's right.
- 什么 - 你们拿到假的电话 - What? - You got fake-numbered.
- 什么 没有人会那么做 - 我想我们会 - What? People don't do that. - Oh, I think we do.
- 他们为什么要那么做 - 我不知道 - A fake number? Why would they do that? - I don't know.
你们聊的很开心 You were a delight to talk to.
你问了那些很棒的问题 You asked those insightful, great questions.
你也很风趣 And you've never been funnier.
老是在开玩笑 你真的很耍宝 I mean, joke, joke, joke! You were a hoot!
你们还有我跟菲比 Don't worry about it. You still got me and Phoebe.
对不起 我不要葛瑞格跟珍妮的退货 Excuse me, I don't want Greg and Jenny's rejects.
瑞秋不肯跟我说话 她不肯开门 Rachel won't talk to me. She won't open the door.
我很好奇是为什么 变态 Hmm, I wonder why, pervert.
好吧 我不是变态 Okay, listen, I am not a pervert.
变态都是那么说的 That's, like, the pervert motto.
你举起手 Yeah, they have you raise your right hand...
把左手放进裤子里 然后再说一次 ...put your left hand down your pants and repeat that.
我不是故意要拍瑞秋 Filming Rachel was not something I planned.
事情的经过是这样的 乔伊可以帮我作证 Look, here's what happened. And Joey can back me up on this.
还记得一个半月前 我跑去问你一个问题吗 About a month and a half ago, remember I came to you with a problem?
嗯 Um, a...
我的私人问题 The personal thing?
- 什么私人问题 - 关于性的问题 - Pers...? What personal thing? - About... About sex?
我好几个月没有性生活了 That I hadn't had sex in months?
我知道你在说什么 Yeah, I knew what you were talking about.
（六个星期前）
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hey. - Hey.
你有空吗 Do you have a minute?
我想谈一件我很难启齿的事 I'd like to talk about something I'm uncomfortable talking about.
没问题 Sure, yeah.
你跟你妈一起洗澡 How about, uh, you showering with your mom?
我真的有问题 I actually had a topic in mind.
我正进入了性停滞期 I'm kind of going through a dry spell, sex-wise.
- 有好几个月了吗 - 五个月… - Oh, for, like, months? - Five, to be...
骗人的 是六个月 ...lying. Six.
六个月 那一定很难熬 Six months? That's rough.
没有那么糟糕 我学着去欣赏一些小事 Well, it's not all bad. I'm learning to appreciate the, uh, small things in life.
譬如说鸟叫声 跟天空的颜色 Like the sound of a bird, or the color of the sky.
天空是蓝色的 罗斯 我昨天做过爱了 The sky's blue, Ross. And I had sex yesterday.
拜托帮帮我 今晚我有约会 Please help me. I have a date tonight.
我得顺利到达 我很担心我的健康 It has to go well. I'm scared for my health.
我有个点子 我想出一个故事 Okay, okay. Oh! I got something. It's this story that I came up with.
非常浪漫 听到这个故事的女人都会心动 Very romantic. Any woman that hears it, they're like putty.
说吧 Really? Tell it to me.
你听完后一定会想跟我上床 Okay. Now, you're gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it.
记住 那只是一个故事 But you have to remember, it is just the story.
- 我会试着控制自己 - 好吧 - I'll try to control myself. - Okay. Ahem.
多年前 我在西欧自助旅行… Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe...
你在西欧自助旅行 Heh, you were backpacking across Europe?
- 六个月后见 - 好 好 - Have a nice six more months, Ross. - Okay, okay!
抱歉 求求你 你去了西欧 然后… I'm sorry. Please, please. You were in Western Europe, and?
我在巴塞罗那郊外 在第比达包山脚下健行 I was outside Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo.
我走到小路的尽头 发现了一座湖 I was at the end of this path. I came to a clearing, and there was a lake.
它非常隐密 四周都是高大的树木 Very secluded. There were tall trees all around.
那里非常安静 美极了 It was dead silent. Gorgeous.
我看到在湖的对面 有个美女在洗澡 And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself.
但她在哭 But she was crying.
为什么 Why?
酒真的很棒 Mm! Mm, this is great wine.
它是法国酒 It's from France.
法国在欧洲 In Europe.
就在西欧 Western Europe.
几年前 我在西欧自助旅行 You know, um, a few years ago I was backpacking across Western Europe.
- 真的吗 - 等一下 后面的故事很精彩 - Really? - Mm-hm. Wait, it gets better.
对 我在巴塞罗那 Um, yeah, I was in, um, Barcelona.
我在巴塞罗那念过一年书 I studied for a year in Barcelona.
- 总之我在健行… - 我喜欢健行 - Anyway, um, so I was hiking... - I love hiking!
那真的太棒了 Oh, that's great!
我在第比达亚波山脚下健行… I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo...
- 我想是"第比达包山"才对 - 你想说这个故事吗 - I think it's "Tibidabo." - Okay, do you want to tell the story?
约会还顺利吗 Whoa, what are you doing here? How'd your date go?
太棒了 我正要过街去做爱 Great. I'm across the street having sex right now.
- 你的故事烂透了 - 是你说的方法不对 - Your story sucks. - If it didn't work, you didn't tell it right.
- 告诉我你是怎么说的 - 不 我不想谈 - Show me how you did it. - No, I don't want to.
- 你上次看到裸女是什么时候的事 - 我在西欧… - How long since you seen a girl naked? - I was backpacking across Western Europe.
- 我没有感觉 - 我在巴塞罗那郊外健行… - I'm not feeling it. - I was outside Barcelona, hiking...
- 罗斯 我不热 你很热吗 - 我六个月没做爱 每天都很热 - No, Ross, I'm not hot. Are you hot? - It's been six months. I'm always hot.
你不是在说故事 你根本就不相信它 You're not selling the story. You don't believe it.
我得走了 我有约会 但试试这招 I gotta go, I got a date. But try this.
学我在试镜前做的那一招 Do what I do when I'm preparing for an audition.
我会用录影机来自拍 I'll set you up with my video camera.
看看哪里做错了 You can record yourself and see what you're doing wrong.
我会试试看 I'll try that.
已经设定好了 可以拍了 All right. Now, you're all set up. Good to go.
- 按下录影键就可以了 祝你好运 - 谢谢 - Just hit record. Good luck. - Thanks.
如果你跟女人约会出了问题 And Joe, listen. If you ever have any problem with the ladies...
我可以帮你接手 ...you know I'll help you out.
那对我来说意义重大 That means a lot to me, man.
哈罗 Hello.
需要我为你效劳吗 要擦镜头吗 电池还有电吗 Can I get you anything? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay?
- 瑞秋 - 噢 罗斯 - Rachel. - Oh, Ross.
- 嗨 - 谢天谢地 你在这里 - Hi. - Thank God you're here.
你得帮我 你在自言自语吗 You have to help me. Were you just talking to yourself?
那会比较不丢脸 对 没错 That's less embarrassing. Yes. Yes, I was.
她一走进来 我完全忘记录影机的事 When she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera.
录影机一直在拍 录下了整个经过 It kept rolling and recorded everything.
- 我们得看看那卷录影带 - 对 - Yeah, we're gonna need to see that tape. - Yeah.
那是个好主意 那会让瑞秋原谅我 What a great idea! That'll get Rachel to forgive me.
那对她来说不公平 忘了录影带的事吧 This is not fair to her. Let's forget the tape.
谢谢 Thank you.
让我看看录影带 You'll show it to me.
- 不 - 你说的对 - No. - You're right.
- 乔伊 不 - 我了解 - Joey, no. - Loud and clear.
我不明白为什么他们要给我们假的电话号码 I don't get why Greg and Jenny would give us a fake number.
如果他们知道自己在做什么 You know, if they knew what they were doing...
- 他们不会给你们真名 - 好吧 - ...they didn't give you real names either. - Okay.
或许有人会给假电话号码 但没有人会给假名 Maybe people give out fake numbers, but they don't give out fake names.
是吗 Oh, yeah?
嗨 肯·亚当斯 很高兴能认识你 Hi. Ken Adams. Nice to meet you.
蕾吉娜·菲拉吉 Regina Phalange.
- 我们没有做错事 - 我知道 - We didn't do anything wrong. - I know.
虽然你说了很多冷笑话 Although you did tell an awful lot of jokes.
你说它们很好笑 快说笑话吧 I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke, joke, joke!
说笑话… Joke, joke...
- 是你问了太多问题害的 - 我的问题怎么了 - Maybe it was your questions. - What about my questions?
你问了太多问题 那像是跟谜题王坐在一起 The sheer volume. It was like flying with the Riddler.
- 那也是笑话吗 - 那也是问题吗 - Ooh, sorry, was that another joke? - Was that another question?
- 罗斯还在吗 - 不在 他已经离开了 - Hey, is Ross still here? - Uh, no, Rach, he's gone, but listen.
但他告诉我们发生了什么事 那真的是个误会 He told us what happened. It sounds like an honest mistake.
如果我把我跟你做爱的过程录下来 你会有什么感觉呢 Really? How would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it?
算了吧 Oh, forget it.
他来了 我孩子的爹 西村的色情片之王 Oh, there he is, the father of my child, the porn king of the West Village.
那是个意外 行吗 Look, it was an accident, okay?
我觉得很难过 我发誓我还没有看过它 I feel bad it happened. I swear, I didn't even watch it.
总之 拿去吧 Anyway, here.
或许亲手毁了它你会觉得舒服一点 I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself.
谢谢 Thank you.
什么 What?
- 你们不想看这玩意吧 - 我们当然想 - You don't want to see this, do you? - Hell, yeah!
我不会让你们看这个 I am not gonna show you this.
我们不是要看性爱镜头 只是想看你们怎么开始的 Not the sex part. Just the stuff leading up to it.
算了 让她毁掉吧 Forget it. She's destroying it.
我们会想其他办法 Okay, fine! Fine. We'll just have to think of some other way...
解决"谁先主动"的问题 ...to put the "who came on to who" thing to rest.
快想 Come on now, think!
那是瑞秋的录影带 她想怎么处置它是她的自由 Forget it. It's Rachel's tape, and she can do whatever she wants with it.
她想毁了它 别说了 And she wants to destroy it, so end of story.
- 我想看 - 什么 - I want to see it. - What?
你不希望我们看录影带 Clearly you don't want people to see this tape.
你不希望我们看它 I don't want people to see this tape either.
但我想要看个究竟 明白吗 But you so badly don't want people to see it that it makes me want to see it. See?
我们到底要不要看录影带 Are we watching the tape or not?
- 我是要保护你 - 我不相信你 - I don't want people to see it for your sake. - Oh, I don't believe you.
我想你不希望他们看到你求我 I think you don't want them to see you begging me.
- 瑞秋 拜托 - 这是预告部分 - Rachel, please? - Oh, a little preview.
好吧 我要这卷录影带 证明我是想保护你 Fine. But I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road.
因为再过五分钟 我会说… Because in about five minutes, I'm gonna be saying:
好吧 要开始了 Okay, here we go.
需要我帮你效劳吗 Hello. Can I can get you anything?
我好快乐 I'm so happy.
谢天谢地 你在这里 Oh, thank God you're here.
快帮帮我 你是在自言自语吗 I need you to help me. Were you talking to yourself?
- 我出现了 - 你就要怀孕了 - Oh, there I am. - You're gonna get pregnant.
我搞砸了 I screwed up so bad.
好几个星期前我告诉摩妮卡 我会把喜帖寄出去 I told Monica that I'd stuff and send those wedding invitations weeks ago.
你没有寄 You didn't do it?
我把它们放在办公桌上 I had put them in... In my desk at work...
直到今天才想起来 ...and I forgot about them until today.
甜心 没关系的 客人都来了 我没事的 Sweetie, it's okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. I'm fine.
- 但你把我的手弄痛了 - 我知道 - Kind of hurting my hand though. - I know.
我不敢相信 I can not believe that I did this.
何况摩妮卡每天都在盯我 Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it.
"喜帖在这里 瑞秋 小心点 瑞秋 "Here are the invitations, Rachel. Be very careful, Rachel.
拜托 别在喜帖附 喝东西 瑞秋" Please drinking no liquids around the invitations, Rachel."
你们在我们的喜帖上面做爱 Did you do it on our invitations?
我们没在寄出去的喜帖上做 Not on the ones we sent out.
你们在我们拿去镶框剩下来的喜帖上面做爱 So just the ones you gave back to us and we had framed?
你能相信现在发生这种事吗 Can you believe this is happening?
- 感觉上像是他们昨天才订婚 - 我知道 - It seems like yesterday they got engaged. - I know.
还记得他们订婚那一晚吗 你跟我差一点… Remember the night they got engaged? How you and I almost...
我记得我们差一点就做了 Oh, I remember how we almost.
你觉得我们真的会做吗 You think we would've gone through with it if we hadn't gotten caught?
你觉得我们会做吗 You think we would have done it?
我知道我想做 但我不知道你要不要 I know I wanted to. I just wasn't sure if you wanted to.
我也想 Oh, I wanted to.
那么我们两个都想 So we... We both wanted to.
- 真有趣 - 嗯 - Interesting. - Mm.
总之 这样的结果或许是最好的 Anyway, um, probably worked out for the best.
没错 Yeah, sure.
再过十秒他就要吻我了 In about 10 seconds, you're gonna see him kiss me.
再过五秒你们就会知道为什么 And in about 5 seconds, you're gonna see why.
我有没有跟你说过 Ross, did I ever tell you about the time...
我到西欧自助旅行的事 ...that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
准备看他求我吧 Okay, get ready to see some begging.
是你对罗斯主动的 Oh, you came on to Ross!
- 什么 - 现在我好快乐 - What? - Now I'm so happy.
- 什么 - 你用了欧洲的故事 - What are you talking about? - You used the Europe story!
那是你想做爱时会用的魔法故事 That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex!
- 你怎么知道那个故事 - 你怎么知道那个故事 - How do you know about that story? - How do you know about that story?
是一个家伙告诉我朋友艾琳的 I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy.
就是我 Some guy!
不 她说那个家伙 叫做肯·亚当斯 No, no, she told me that his name was Ken Adams.
我是肯·亚当斯 Ken Adams!
嘿 Hi.
大家都知道欧洲的故事 So apparently, uh, people are familiar with the Europe story?
对 听着 Yeah, listen, about that...
关于"谁主动"的问题 那真的不重要 ...the whole "who came on to who" thing really doesn't matter.
反正结果圆满就好了 I think it would have happened either way.
你说的对 我知道我很快乐 I mean, if you hadn't initiated it, I know I would have.
- 那是个神奇的夜晚 - 没错 它很神奇 - It was an amazing night. - It was. It was an amazing night.
你觉得它看起来会很神奇吗 You think it looked amazing?
我不知道 我真的没看 I, uh... I don't know. I honestly didn't watch it.
对 我也没看 Yeah, me neither.
我还没有看 Yet.
嗯 Uh...
- 那应该会很奇怪 - 对 它真的很奇怪 - That... That may be weird. - Yeah, it would be really weird.
- 祝你好运 - 祝你好运 - Good luck. - Good luck to you.
- 我可以消音吗 - 麻烦你了 - Mind if I mute? - Oh, please.
- 我们开始脱衣服了 - 你脱衣服的速度真快 - Oh, there go the clothes. - You are undressing awfully quickly.
我六个月没做了 瑞秋 Six months, Rachel. Six months.
- 我们看起来很不错 - 我也那么认为 - We look pretty good. - I was gonna say.
- 你的皮肤晒得很漂亮 - 谢谢 - Ooh, nice tan. - Thank you.
- 那个周末我才去过海边 - 嗯 - I'd just gone to the beach that weekend. - Ah.
- 你有在健身吗 - 我一直在健身 - Have you been working out? - I have been working out.
这比我之前的经验要好得多了… Well, this is so much better than I ever...
- 噢 - 噢 - Oh. - Oh.
- 嗯 - 嗯 - Ew. - Ew.
- 噢 那真的很难看 - 噢 - Oh, that's not pretty. - Oh.
- 噢 天啊 - 噢 - Oh. Oh, God. - Oh.
- 快停下来 - 不 - Oh, no. Oh, no! No! - Make it stop. Make it stop.
喂 葛瑞格吗 我是飞机上跟你们见过面的摩妮卡 Hello, Greg? Hi, this is Monica from the plane.
听着 你给我的电话号码 853… Listen, the number that you gave me, uh, 8-5-3...
珍妮老是给别人他们的旧电话号码 Their old number! Jenny's been giving it out since they moved!
- 那真的很像珍妮的作风 - 我知道 - Jenny! That is so Jenny! - I know.
你们下星期六要跟我们一起去玩吗 Listen, um, how would you like to get together next Saturday?
好吧 星期天呢 Okay, how about Sunday?
下星期呢 Okay, um, the week after that?
下下星期呢 The week after that?
你知道吗 You know what, Greg? Heh.
我们是很会问问题的幽默大师 We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions.
如果你跟你的宝贝珍妮不能了解… And if you and your precious Jenny can't see that, then...
一月十五日 January 15?
到时候见 We'll see you then! Okay!