- 嗨 瑞秋 - 嗨 - Oh! Hey, Rach! - Hi.
- 情人节快乐 - 你也是 - Happy Valentine's Day! - You too!
跟罗斯住的感觉如何 Hey, so, uh, how's it going living over at Ross'?
很不错 只不过他逼我们整天看探索频道 It's good, except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long.
一个在中世纪的丑八怪 Did you know that something really boring...
发生了一件很无聊的事 ...happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages?
- 谢谢 待会见 - 好 - Thank you. See you guys later. - Okay.
- 拜 - 拜 - Bye. - Bye.
那是一杯幸运的外带咖啡 That is one lucky to-go cup of coffee.
亲爱的 Oh, honey.
我希望你能忘了她 我讨厌看到你这个样子 I wish you'd get over her. I hate seeing you like this.
有什么我能帮上忙的吗 你要看看我的胸部吗 Is there anything I can do for you? Do you wanna look down my top?
谢谢 或许待会再说吧 Thanks. Maybe later.
- 阿甘 我能吃饼干吗 - 你要什么吗 - Oh, Gunther, can I get a scone? - You want anything?
我要很多东西 You know what I want? I want a lot of things.
我希望跟我爱的女人共度情人节 I wanna be with the woman I love on Valentine's Day!
我希望她也爱我 I want her to love me back.
我希望能忘记 And I want one moment of relief...
无法满足渴望的悲伤 ...from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that's never gonna happen!
我们有红色贝果 We have red bagels.
好吧 Okay.
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 # # So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 # # Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 # # It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 日复一日 年复一年 # # When it hasn't been your day, #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 # # your week, your month, or even your year #
# 你我永不离弃 # # but I'll be there for you #
# 你我相偎相依 # # 'Cause you're there for me too #
你们一起住 到目前为止还好吧 So how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together?
我正要告诉她 I'm on my way to tell her right now.
她一整个星期都不在 去看父母 但她会接受的 She's been away all week visiting parents, but she'll be cool.
她一直都很支持我 She's been so supportive.
她甚至帮宝宝买了写着"化石是我朋友"的上衣 She even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, "Fossils are my friends."
少来了 蒙娜 别拍马屁 Ugh, come on, Mona. Don't kiss ass.
- 我得走了 - 好 - So, uh, I'm gonna take off. - All right.
糟糕 瑞秋想看这卷录影带 Oh, shoot! Oh, shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape.
- 那是什么 - 我朋友生孩子的录影带 - What is it? - A video of my friend giving birth.
- 你能把它带回家吗 - 好啊 - Could you bring it back to your apartment? - All right.
"糖果跟饼干" "Candy and Cookie"?
糖果是妈妈 饼干是女儿 Yeah, Candy's the mother, Cookie's the daughter.
她爸爸也叫饼干 The father's name is also Cookie.
为什么我会跟这些人做朋友 Why am I friends with these people?
菲比 过来 我要你看看浴室里的一样东西 Phoebe, come here. I wanna show you something in the bathroom.
摩妮卡 成熟一点 Ugh, Monica, grow up.
- 你的背后藏了什么东西 - 没什么 - What do you got behind your back? - Nothing.
我希望菲比能给点情人节的意见 Just something I want Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day.
- 你不要我的意见 - 我不要 - You don't want my opinion? - Not really.
少来了 我是你哥哥 问我吧 Come on, I'm your older brother. Ask me.
好吧 哥哥 Oh, okay, big brother. Um...
你觉得哪一件穿在你妹妹身上 比较火辣 Which one would make your little sister look hotter...
让你的好朋友想上她 ...so your best friend would want to do her?
红色那件 The red one.
嘿 Hey.
我知道你很沮丧 所以我带了一个东西来帮你打气 I know you've been depressed lately, so I brought someone to cheer you up.
在门外有个真正的 毛茸茸的玩物 Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate.
我不要再跟你朋友珍上床 No, I'm not sleeping with your friend Jane again.
嘿 是小狗 Hey, a dog! Oh, hi!
你得承认 他长得很像珍 Who, you gotta admit, looks a lot like Jane.
他是最快乐的小狗 我跟我朋友温蒂借了他 This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy.
你可以留下他 直到你再打起精神来 他一定可以的 So you can keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up.
谢谢你 菲比 Thanks so much, Pheebs.
我们一定会玩得很开心 We are gonna have so much fun! Yes we are!
不是那种开心 Oh, not that kind of fun.
- 情人节快乐 - 嘿 - Happy Valentine's! - Hey!
我马上就出来了 I'll be right out.
我穿上不是很舒服 但是很放荡的东西 I'm slipping into something a little less comfortable and a little more slutty.
"糖果跟饼干" "Candy and Cookie"?
摩妮卡帮我租色情片 Monica got me porn?
女同志的片子 Girl-on-girl porn?
她一定很爱我 She really must love me!
- 好吧 放轻松 - 我爱你 圣华伦泰 - Yeah, just relax. - I love you, St. Valentine.
那真的不太好看 Whoa, whoa, that's not pretty.
用力推 Now push!
天啊 好痛 Ow! Oh, God, it hurts!
这是最难看的色情片 最难看的色情片 Worst porn ever! Worst porn ever!
- 快停下来 - 我在弄了 - Oh, make it stop! - I am trying!
去接球 准备好了吗 去接球 Get the ball. Ready? Get the ball!
你很可爱 但你不太聪明 You're cute, but you're not too smart.
对 我刚丢了这个 Yeah. Did I just throw this?
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
我不小心把这些跟我的东西混在一起 I accidentally packed these with my stuff.
- 他是谁 - 菲比朋友的狗 - Who is this? - That's, uh, Phoebe's friend's dog.
我不知道他叫什么名字 我叫他莫扎雷拉起司 I don't know his real name. I call him Mozzarella.
你好可爱 我希望能留下来玩 但我得去上班 Ohh, you are so cute. I wish I could play with you more, but I've gotta go to work.
我希望开会时不会这样说话 对 没错 I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting. Yes, I do.
再见 乔伊 说真的 我改不过来 Bye-bye, Joey. Seriously, I can't stop it.
过来 Come here! Hey!
嘿 那是瑞秋 以前她住在这里 Hey. That's Rachel. She's the one who used to live here.
老实跟你说 我们爱她 Might as well be honest with you. We love her.
但我们不能拥有她 But we can't have her. No.
我真的想念她 I really miss her.
你了解吧 你是男生 Hey, you understand, right? You're a guy.
你以前是的 Well, you used to be.
你觉得怎样 So, what do you think?
我还是很练 I've still got it.
- 你为什么要给我这个 - 那是什么 - Why did you get me this? - What is it?
里面全是尖叫 鲜血跟扩张的阴道 It's yelling, bleeding, dilating.
噢 扩张的阴道 Oh, the dilating!
这是记录生产的录影带 它是菲比的 Is this the video of the baby being born? This is Phoebe's.
你为什么要看 Why were you even watching it?
我以为你或许会在情人节帮我租色情片 I thought maybe you got me porn for Valentine's Day.
如果你以为我会在情人节帮你租色情片… Chandler, if you thought I was gonna get you porn for Valentine's Day...
那么你说对了 ...you were right.
片中的女主角跑到大都市来追寻星梦… Apparently, it's about a girl who moves to the city in search of stardom...
最后她跟很多男人上床 ...but ends up having sex with a lot of guys.
它有四星级的评价 It got four stars.
等一下 根本没有那种事 Oh, wait a minute. Those aren't stars.
- 总之 你要看一下吗 - 喔… - Anyway, you wanna take a look? - Well...
- 我真的没心情做爱 - 发生了什么事 - I'm not really in a sexy mood right now. - Hey, what's going on?
还记得你第一次看"大白鲨"… Well, remember the first time you saw Jaws...
你花了多少时间才敢再下水游泳 ...how long it took to go back in the water?
我们不能让这卷录影带毁了情人节 Chandler, we can't let this tape wreck Valentine's Day.
- 你不知道 你没有看到它 - 生孩子的过程很美 - You don't know. You didn't see it. - Childbirth is a natural thing. It's beautiful.
很美 真的吗 Oh, beautiful? Really? Huh, really?
你觉得这很美吗 You think this is beautiful?
天啊 难怪我妈恨我 Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me!
- 看吧 亲爱的… - 别碰我 - See, honey, there's... - Don't touch me!
- 嗨 - 嘿 - Hi! - Hey!
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
- 亚特兰大好玩吗 - 很好玩 - So how was Atlantic City? - Good.
- 我帮你买了礼物 - 什么… - I brought you back a present. - What...?
你不必… Come on, you didn't have to...
咸水太妃糖 Saltwater taffy?
谢谢 Thanks.
有趣的是 大部分的人认为它是海水做的 It's interesting, most people think this is made with seawater.
事实上 它是用加盐淡水做的 But it's actually made with, uh, salted fresh water.
那一点都不有趣 That's not interesting.
- 我觉得很有趣 - 我也是 我想你 - I think it's interesting. - I do too. I missed you!
- 我也是 这星期你过得如何 - 非常好 - Me too. How was your week? - Oh, it was good.
- 宝宝开始会踢人了 - 太棒了 - Actually, the baby started kicking. - How exciting.
太神奇了 Yeah, aw. It was amazing.
只不过第一次我并不在场 The only sad thing is, I wasn't around when it happened the first time.
- 不会吧 - 我错过了所有的过程 - Oh, no. - I was missing out on all this stuff.
- 乔伊建议瑞秋搬过来跟我住 - 想得美 - Joey suggested Rachel move in with me. - Ha, ha. Yeah, right.
- 干嘛 - 乔伊害我笑得肚子痛 - What? - Joey cracks me up.
"让你的前妻搬进去 那一点也不别扭" "Yeah, have your ex-wife move in. That wouldn't be awkward at all." Heh.
想像我离开了几天… Hey, imagine, I go away for a few days...
我男朋友跟怀了他孩子的女人住在一起 ...I come back and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant.
你怎么跟他说 So, what'd you tell him?
（中央咖啡厅）
你没有告诉蒙娜瑞秋要搬过去 How could you not tell Mona that Rachel is living with you?
她似乎觉得那是个疯狂的点子 I don't know. She seemed to think it was such a crazy idea.
而且她送我太妃糖 Plus, she, uh... She got me taffy.
- 真的吗 我没吃过太妃糖 - 真的 - Taffy, really? I've never had any. - Ever?
我妈忙着计划自杀 没空买海滩小吃给我 My mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats.
谢谢 Thank you.
你要告诉她吗 So are you just never gonna tell her?
我想我得先哄哄她 No, no, I will. I just want to butter her up first.
我要带她去吃晚餐 I'm gonna take her to an amazing Valentine's dinner...
做一些浪漫的事 ...do all this romantic stuff.
当她觉得我是有史以来最棒的男朋友时… And then, when she thinks I'm the best boyfriend in the world...
我会告诉她我怀孕的前女友跟我一起住 ...then I tell her my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.
或许我没有说过 她是个非常幸运的女人 If I haven't said it before, she's a lucky, lucky lady.
我们… 这个玩意怎么了 So where are...? What the mother of crap is up with this stuff?
它是口香糖吗 它是食物吗 怎么了 God, is it gum? Is it food? What's the deal?
好好吃 我能试试粉红色的吗 Oh, it's nice. May I try a pink one?
她跟我是朋友 她跟罗斯交往过… So between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross...
这种事绝不会发生 ...it just isn't gonna happen.
那就像是你爱上一只猫 It'd be like you falling in love with a cat.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
我最喜欢的狗怎么了 他还好吗 Hey, buddy. How's my favorite dog, huh? How's my favorite dog?
你太压抑了 You're subdued.
- 你让他喝啤酒了 - 不 - Did you give him a beer? - No.
- 对不起 我们需要谈一谈 - 当然 - Will you excuse us? We need to talk. - Sure.
是我 对喔 Oh, me, right.
- 他很难过 他是怎么了 - 没事 - He's miserable. What happened to him? - Nothing.
- 我们聊了一些事 - 什么事 - We just talked about stuff. - What stuff?
关于瑞秋的事 Rachel stuff.
乔伊 你害得他很难过 他是全世界最快乐的狗 Oh, Joey, you bummed him out! This is the happiest dog in the world.
他才跟你相处一天 你看 He spends a day with you, and look at him.
他还在呼吸 He's breathing.
- 我要带他去温蒂家 - 不要 他没事 - I'll take him back to Wendy's. - No, no, no. He's fine.
你看 Hey, look. Look.
是你的球 快去接球 Here's your ball! Get the ball!
去接球 去接球 Get your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball!
去…天啊 我对你做了什么 Get... God, what have I done to you? Huh?
我害死那只狗了 菲比 我把他弄得精神崩溃了 I broke the dog, Pheebs! I broke the dog!
我要去接蒙娜 今晚你要做什么 I'm, uh, going to pick up Mona. What you got going on tonight?
我有很棒的情人节计划 Oh, I've got big Valentine's plans.
我订了中国菜 还有你的咸水太妃糖 I've got Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy.
有趣的是 大部分的人认为它是海水做的 It's interesting. Most people think that's made with seawater, when in fact...
我们是一起看那部纪录片的 Ross, we actually watched the documentary together.
我的外卖来了 我去拿钱 Oh, my Chinese food. I'll get my cash.
蒙娜 Mona?
- 什么… 嗨 - 嗨 - What are...? Hi! - Hi.
你怎么来了 我应该去接你的 What are you doing here? I'm supposed to pick you up.
计划有变 我帮你做了 情人节晚餐 大惊喜 Change of plans, I made you a Valentine's dinner. Surprise!
- 嘿 蒙娜 - 嗨 瑞秋 - Oh! Hey, Mona! - Hi... Hi, Rachel.
她在这里做什么 What's she doing here?
我不知道 I have no idea.
如果你们要找我 我在房里看电视 I'll be watching TV if anybody needs me.
她在做什么 Seriously, what is she doing?
最近她喜欢待在这里 Uh, you know, lately she just likes hanging out here.
- 为什么 - 我想她很寂寞 - Why? - I think she's lonely.
- 但今天是情人节 - 我知道 - But it's Valentine's Day. - I know.
我们能请她离开吗 Can't we ask her to go?
不行 她太激动了 Well, no, she's way too emotional.
我是说她疯了 And by emotional, I mean crazy!
当我人不在 我的外卖来了 I'm not here! That's just my Chinese food.
她叫外卖送到这里来 Oh, my God, she has food delivered here?
对 她很激动 但也很大胆 Mm-hm, yes, she's emotional, but ballsy.
我要去换运动服 躺在床上吃饭 You know what? I'm gonna get in my sweats and eat this in bed.
你还以为她会妨碍到我们 And you thought she was gonna be in our way!
打开香槟 我马上回来 Okay, why don't you, uh, open the champagne, and I will be right back.
- 我有大惊喜 - 你另一个前妻也藏在里面 - I've got a surprise for you. - You got another ex-wife back there?
请开始喝香槟 Ho, oh! Heh. Please start drinking.
- 我只是要打电话 - 瑞秋 等一下 - I'm just gonna grab the phone. - Oh, Rachel, wait. Hey, um...
我希望你不会误会 I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but, um...
- 你在做什么 - 你要打电话吗 - What are you doing? - Sorry, do you need the phone?
不 不 No. No.
罗斯太好心了 没办法说出口 但这是他的公寓 Listen, Ross is too nice to say anything, but this is his apartment.
我们需要隐私 And we gotta have some boundaries.
你为什么不回你家呢 So why don't you go to your place and give us some privacy?
但是蒙娜 我住在这里 But, Mona, I live here.
情人节快乐 Happy Valentine's Day!
或者这能让你在分手后记得我 Or, something to remember me by.
- 这次是多久 - 九十秒 - How long has it been this time? - Ninety seconds.
好多了 没想到九十秒真的很久 That's better. Ninety seconds is a long time not to think about it.
但我满脑子都是它 Except all I did was think about it.
我知道 我也忘不了 I know. It haunts me.
在这之前我 看过最糟糕的事 Up until now, the worst thing I ever saw...
是我爸跟服务生上床 ...was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy.
在这之后 我会很乐意把他们的照片做成银幕保护程式 After this, I would gladly make that my screen saver.
我们得忘了这件事 We have to get past this.
我们得假装它不存在 Why don't we get rid of the tape and pretend it never existed.
- 我可以那么做 - 好 - I could do that. - Okay.
我们只需要丢掉那张椅子 Okay, now all we gotta do is get rid of this chair.
过来 Come here.
- 谢天谢地 - 我知道 - Oh, thank God! - I know.
请进 Come in!
我很抱歉 破坏了你们的情人节 Hi. I'm sorry to barge in on your Valentine.
但我得远离那些叫骂声 蒙娜要跟罗斯分手 I had to get away from the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
- 天啊 - 可怜的罗斯 - Oh, my God. - Poor Ross.
我们看过他穿内裤做瑜伽 Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear...
但这次他更惨 ...but for this he closes the drapes.
关于那卷你想看的生产录影带 Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see?
它在这里 It's here.
我们得在你看它之前警告你千万别看它 Oh, and we should warn you before you watch it. Don't watch it.
你们看过了 很可怕吗 Why, you saw it? Is it scary?
讽刺的是 生孩子的画面… Let's just say it's ironic how footage of someone being born...
让人想要自杀 ...can make you want to kill yourself.
现在我吓坏了 你们能跟我一起看吗 Now, wait, now I'm all freaked out. You guys will watch it with me?
不能 但我会把有我体味的毛衣放在你旁边 No, but I will leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you.
说真的 你们不能逼我一个人看这个 Come on, seriously, you're not gonna make me watch this alone.
她说得对 当然不行 She's right. Of course not.
甜心 去拿录影带 Honey, get the tape.
这让我想起了录影带里某一段内容 This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape.
天啊 来吧 Okay. Here we go.
好吧 Okay. Ahem.
天啊 Oh, my.
宝贝 再来一次 All right, baby. One more time.
为什么宝宝要折磨那个女人 Why is that baby torturing that woman?
为什么我要看这个玩意三次 Why have I seen this thing three times?
还是好美 It's still beautiful.
- 好可怕 - 我知道 - Aah! It's horrible! - I know, I know!
- 我为你感到难过 - 天啊 - I'm so sorry for you! - Oh, my God!
- 大家快看 - 什么 她的屁股爆炸了吗 - You guys! You guys, look! - What? Did her ass explode?
不 宝宝出来了 你们看 No, the baby's out. Look. Look.
看看那些小手指跟小脚趾 Look at those little fingers and toes.
看看妈妈现在有多高兴 And look how happy the mom is now.
- 瑞秋 - 去你们的 你们又不必生小孩 - Oh, Rach. - Screw you! You don't have to do it!
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey! What...
- 怎么了 - 蒙娜刚刚甩了我 - What's up? - Uh, Mona just dumped me.
天啊 我很遗憾 为什么 Oh, man, I'm sorry. Why?
最近我不是完美男友 With everything going on lately, I haven't exactly been the perfect boyfriend.
我没有告诉她我让瑞秋怀孕 I didn't tell her I got Rachel pregnant.
我给她我家的钥匙 然后换了锁 I gave her a key to my apartment and then had the locks changed.
然后我骗她瑞秋搬到我家的事 Then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me.
在某方面 我怪她不早点跟我分手 In a way, I judge her for not breaking up with me sooner.
那真的很烂 特别是在情人节 That really sucks. Especially on Valentine's Day.
等一下 你在这里做什么 Yeah. Wait a minute. What are you doing here?
乔伊在情人节没有约会 Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentine's Day?
发生了什么事 你跟女人有麻烦 What's going on, huh? Girl trouble? Heh.
- 可以那么说 - 真的吗 - Sort of. Ha, ha. - Really?
你不必表现得这么高兴 You don't have to seem so happy about it.
- 抱歉 或许我能帮忙 - 噢 我… - Sorry. Well, uh, maybe I can help. - Oh, I...
不论发生了什么事 我相信我也有相同的经验 Whatever it is, I am sure it has happened to me.
事实上 我有次在做爱时被甩了 You know, actually, once I got dumped during sex.
- 到底发生了什么事 - 算了 没什么大不了的 - So anyway, uh, what is it? - Forget about it. It's no big deal.
- 少来了 怎么了 - 没事 - Come on, what is it? - It's nothing.
是我耶 你为什么不告诉我 Hey, it's me. Why can't you tell me?
好吧 坐下 Okay. Uh, sit down. Um...
我很喜欢一个女人 There's this woman that I like a lot.
但那是不可能的 But, uh, it can't happen.
她不会是你的姐妹吧 She's not a Tribbiani?
不是！ No!
她是你的同事 So, uh... So is she someone from work?
对 Yes.
她喜欢你吗 Well, um, does she like you?
有时候我觉得是的 Sometimes I think maybe she could.
但我什么事都不能做 But it doesn't matter, I can't do anything about it.
为什么 Why not?
事情很复杂 It's complicated.
她跟另一个男人交往了很久 She was with this other guy. For a long time.
他也是我的同事 Someone from work too.
然后… And, uh...
我没办法那样对他 我们是好朋友 I could never do that to the guy. We're friends.
以前跟她交往过的那个男人还爱着她吗 So, uh, this guy she used to go out with, is he still in love with her?
- 我想应该不爱了 - 好吧 - No, I don't think so. - Okay.
他是好人吗 Is he a good guy?
对 他是最棒的 Yeah, he's the best.
- 跟他谈一谈 他或许无所谓 - 我不知道 - Then talk to him. He might be fine. - I don't know.
如果你喜欢她 这值得试一试 It's worth finding out, if you really like her.
我真的非常喜欢她 I do, so much.
我没办法不想到她 我睡不着… I can't stop thinking about her. I can't sleep...
你知道吗 你得尽力去争取 Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it.
你会常遇到这种事吗 你应该为自己这么做的 How often does this happen to you? You owe it to yourself.
你的温牛奶来了 Here's your warm milk.
我要回家 加点波本酒 I'm gonna put the bourbon in it at home.
说真的 跟那个男的谈一谈 好吗 Anyway, seriously, just talk to the guy, okay?
告诉我结果 Let me know how it goes.
是瑞秋 It's Rachel.
你要生孩子了 你得做好准备 You're gonna have a baby and you need to be prepared.
你得看完整卷录影带 看吧 You're gonna make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it!
我来到这个大城市 希望成为大明星 Heh, I came to the big city to become a star.
- 为了圆梦我任何事都愿意做 - 任何事 - I'll do anything to make that happen. - Anything?
或许我该从她怎么怀孕开始看起 Hmm. Maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant.