前情提要✦✦✦
我们得找个认识他的人 We need to find someone who knew him.
他们10分钟后会在大厅为蒂姆·科诺举行追悼会 They're holding a memorial for Tim Kono in the lobby in 10 minutes.
我相信大家都在为蒂姆·科诺的去世而难过 I'm sure we're all grieving the loss of Tim Kono.
心理咨询师一直是让人兴奋的嫌疑人 Ooh, a therapist is always a fun suspect.
我在这个讨人厌的男人隔壁住了8年了 I lived next to that miserable man for eight years,
而且我的房间不够了 and I need those extra rooms.
该不会是第一个为了住个好房子而行凶的纽约人吧 Wouldn't be the first New Yorker to kill for good real estate.
翻译 林泰 ermasanshou
你跟蒂姆很熟吗 Were you close to Tim?
字 幕 侠
关注新浪微博 @FIX字幕侠
我的猫昨晚死了 My cat. She died last night.
翻译 7草 嘉禾 CapitalK
ZIMUXIA.CN
我真的不希望这件事变成常态 I really did not want this to become a regular thing,
校对 叮咚
原 创 翻 译 中英双语字幕
后期 Jason肖 特效 小布
-但我真的手头紧 -爸 - but I am strapped. ‐ Dad.
监制 叮咚
ZIMUXIA.CN
原 创 翻 译 中英双语字幕
你已经有八个月没交房租了 Your building fees are eight months past due.
别耍我 奥利弗 Don't fuck with me, Oliver.
我很想看看那些对蒂姆·科诺的投诉 I would love to look at those complaints about Tim Kono.
买两箱 我把文件给你 买三箱 Buy two, and I'll throw in the file. Buy three,
我会告诉你更多不为人知的事情 and I'll fill you in on the stuff that was too juicy to write down.
你不能消失了10年然后又跑来 You can't disappear for 10 years, then show up
扯我们小时候那些破事 and start dragging up a bunch of shit from when we were kids.
奥斯卡要出狱了 蒂姆 你知道怎么处理 Oscar's getting out, Tim. You can make things right.
你知道那晚发生了什么 You know what happened that night.
他们明天要清理蒂姆·科诺的公寓 They're cleaning out Tim Kono's apartment tomorrow,
所以我们得在东西都被搬走之前找找线索 so we're gonna look around for clues before everything's gone.
-该死的猫脚印 -我美丽的伊夫琳 - Bloody cat prints! ‐ My beautiful Evelyn.
猫是在蒂姆死之后来的 The cat was here after Tim died.
我觉得我们的嫌疑人名单又长了一点 I think our list of suspects just got a little longer.
这就是音乐剧飞溅 This is Splash! The Musical.
不是喷射 也不是泼洒 Not squirt. Not tinkle.
-而是飞溅 -奥利弗 - Splash! - Oliver,
你说这是社交晚宴 you said this was a social dinner.
好在晚餐结束了 Well, it's a good thing dinner's over
因为我对布景有个新想法 because I have this new idea for the set.
-我们已经搭好布景了 -你已经超出预算四百万了 ‐ We already built a set. ‐ You're four mill over budget.
不不不不 我们要搭一个前所未见的景 No, no, no, no. We need a set that no one has seen.
这儿 舞台正上方 Up here, high above the stage.
这儿 就在舞台地板下建一个水池 A pool built directly into the floor.
-水池 -对 想象一下 ‐ A pool? ‐ Yeah, picture it.
你跳着舞 像雨中曲那样踢起水花 You're dancing, kickin' up water like Singin' In The Rain.
然后 降低地板... Then, you lower the floor...
直接跳到水池里 水花四溅 And you can dive down! Splash!
来一场精彩的水中同步舞蹈 And do some fantastic synchronized swimming choreography.
这太扯淡了 This seems insane.
-是不是 泰迪 -什么时候不是呢 -Right, Teddy? ‐ When isn't it?
泰迪... Teddy...
请看一下罗伯塔 look at Roberta, please.
你好 罗伯塔 Hello, Roberta.
-你好 泰迪 -现在... 想象我是28岁 ‐ Hi, Teddy. ‐ Now... picture me at 28.
在我百老汇首演的开幕之夜 The opening night of my first Off‐Broadway show.
远远地 很远 很远 Way off. Off, off, off, off, off.
我向房间的另一头望去 看到了一个美丽的女人 And I look across the room, and I see this beautiful woman,
是我完全配不上的那种 totally out of my league.
我就想 如果有机会的话 And I figure, if I've got a shot,
我一定全力以赴 I gotta go all in.
所以我慢慢走过去 说 So I slowly saunter over, and I say,
"你好 我是奥利弗·普特南 "Oh, hello. I'm Oliver Putnam,
我想请你吃顿晚饭" and I would like to take you to dinner right now."
然后她笑了一下 说 And she smiles and says,
-"不可能" -"没门" -"Fat chance." ‐ "Hell no."
然后我说 "那来点儿点心怎么样" And then I said, "How about a snack?"
没人能拒绝点心 Who says no to a snack?
所以我们就去了街对面的闪亮星餐厅 So we go to the Shining Star Diner across the street,
然后我告诉她 有一天 我会 and I tell her that I will, some day,
导演百老汇每一场大型演出 direct every big Broadway show,
并且 将来 我会娶她回家 and, some day, I'm going to marry her.
她笑着说 And she laughs and says,
-"你一定会的" -"绝不可能" -"Sure you will." ‐ "Hell no!"
然后我指着这里的阿尔科尼亚说 And then I point over here to the Arconia, and I say,
"终有一天 我们会住进那里面" "And, some day, I'm gonna live in that place."
然后罗伯塔说... And Roberta says...
"这才对嘛" "Now, you're talking."
泰迪 Teddy,
看看是谁娶了他配不上的女人还住在你上面四楼 look who married way out of his league and lives four floors above you.
我们一起做过的一切 All that we have done together.
这是我们的大事 This is our big one.
你得跟我一起投入 You gotta dive all in with me.
奥利弗... Oliver...
我确实喜欢水池这个想法 I do like the pool.
-我给你满上 -好吧 只能溅出来一点点 - Let me top you off. ‐ Fine, but just a splash.
让我们一起溅个惊天动地 怎么样 Let's all make a fuckin' splash, shall we?
大楼里只有谋杀
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第三集
你有多了解你的邻居?
你有多了解你的邻居 How well do you know your neighbors?
你每天都能遇见很多邻居 You see many of them every day,
但你有没有想过 他们会不会伤害你呢 but have you ever wondered, could they harm me?
会不会杀了你呢 Or even kill?
蒂姆·科诺是被这栋楼里的人谋杀的 Tim Kono was murdered by someone in this building,
-这就是说... -抱歉 打住一下 - which means...- Okay, I'm sorry. Cut.
怎么了 What's the matter?
你是要描述一件神秘谋杀案 You are scoring a murder mystery,
而不是给霍比特人的婚礼做DJ not DJing a hobbit's wedding.
手风琴的声音让人难忘 它有传递情感的作用 The concertina can be very haunting. It transports.
是啊 它让我穿到了十九世纪的爱尔兰 Yeah well, it transports me back to 1800s Ireland.
我感觉自己正处于土豆饥荒时期 I feel like I'm in the middle of the Potato Famine.
[1845-1849爱尔兰土豆饥荒]
我买了这么多设备难道就没有一点发言权吗 Don't I get a say after I invested in all this lovely equipment?
对了 我不会为这些东西掏钱的 I'm not paying for any of this, by the way.
你当然不会 Of course not!
我没打算让你凑钱的 虽然这是...我们的播客 I wasn't gonna ask you to chip in, even though it is... our podcast.
我打个电话问问梅布尔有空没 Let's see if Mabel's free. I'll call her.
还是应该发短信 Or should I text?
他们觉得电话很烦人的 Calls bother them for some reason.
对 我还是发短信吧 Yeah. I think it's a text.
哪个听起来比较随意 What sounds more casual?
"亲爱的梅布尔"还是"你好 梅布尔" "Dear Mabel" or "Greetings, Mabel"?
噢 我们最后一批牛奶了 Ooh, our last Gut Milk shipment.
是下一批牛奶 Your next Gut Milk shipment.
另外 Plus,
我把我知道的有关蒂姆·科诺的信息都写下来了 I wrote down everything I could about that shit ball Tim Kono.
愿他安息 但 May he rest in peace. But,
-如果有人发现了你这个... -我会烧掉的 if anybody catches you with this... ‐ I will burn it
然后像1982年那样把烟灰吸进去 and snort the ashes like it's 1982.
-别担心 -这是邦妮给你的 ‐ Don't you worry. ‐ Oh, and this is from Bunny.
"如果你在接下来的24个小时内还不交房租 "If you do not pay within the next 24 hours,
会断水断电" your water and power will be shut off."
她说我还有两个星期的 She said I had two weeks!
她想让你搬出去 宝贝 She wants your ass out, baby.
得把钱给邦妮了 Gotta give Bunny her money!
嘿 我想出了最完美的短信问候语 Hey! I figured out the perfect greeting for the text!
查尔斯(老)
好呀 梅布尔
查尔斯(老)
好呀 梅布尔
查尔斯(老)
好呀 梅布尔
查尔斯(老)
好呀 梅布尔
查尔斯(老)
好呀 梅布尔
我们会在公寓里过一遍蒂姆·科诺案的嫌疑人 我希望你能加入我们 祝好 查尔斯·哈登·萨维奇
就来
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好的 大会儿见
我是说 大会儿
好的 大会儿见
我是说 大会儿
操 抱歉 大会儿
好的 大会儿见
操 抱歉 大会儿
我是说 大会儿
-这些是... -我偷拍邻居们的照片 ‐ And these are... ‐ Candid photos I took of our neighbors,
和厄苏拉那的投诉信息一致 matched with official complaints we got from Ursula.
不错 但为什么都是自拍 Cool, but why are they all selfies?
这样不会引起怀疑 So I don't draw suspicion.
我很抱歉 所以你觉得那个斯汀 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So,so you think that Sting,
音乐偶像斯汀 杀了蒂姆·科诺吗 musical icon Sting, killed Tim Kono?
我是他的粉丝 而他正好住在大楼里 I'm just a fan. He lives in the building,
我一直想跟他合影 你知道的 and I always wanted a picture with him. You know.
我把它放到这里 等下找他签名 I'll move it over here. I could get him to sign it later.
-这得从何查起啊 -怎么说... ‐ How do we even start with these? ‐ Well...
你们如何雕刻一头大象 how do you sculpt an elephant?
首先得找来一块大理石 You start with a block of marble,
然后把不是大象的部分全削掉 and you chip away everything that isn't elephant.
我们就这么做 We do the same thing.
将不是凶手的人一一排除 We eliminate everyone who isn't a killer,
最后剩下的就是凶手 until we're left with the person who is.
有意思 不过太落伍了 Intriguing, and yet totally backwards.
拍戏的时候我们不说 When you cast a show, you don't say,
"我们要的不是布拉德·皮特这样的演员" "I'm looking for not a Brad Pitt‐type."
而要说我们要的是谁 You say who you are looking for.
行 在蒂姆被杀 火警警报响的那晚 Alright. I am looking for a guy
我看见有个穿扎染帽衫的人上了楼 I saw going up the stairs in a tie‐dyed hoodie
我要找的是这个家伙 the night of the fire alarm when Tim died.
我还要找蒂姆神秘的... And I'm looking for the mysterious...
未婚妻 Tim's fiancée.
要是那个穿扎染帽衫的就是他的未婚妻呢 What if tie‐dye guy is the fiancée?
两位 两位 两位 Guys, guys, guys.
我们需要线索 We need one lead.
一个线索 One lead.
停 Stop!
我知道怎么做了 I know how to do this.
恭喜各位 Congrats!
走到这一步 On making it this far.
你们确实都该感到自豪 You should all feel very proud indeed.
但大家都知道 杀害蒂姆·科诺的 But as you know, there can only be one
凶手只有一位 Tim Kono's murderer.
我在寻找杀人动机 I'm looking for motive.
杀人方式 I'm looking for means.
但最重要的是... But most of all...
杀人的胆量 I'm looking for moxie.
贫困潦倒的治疗师 The needy therapist.
是我干的 我是个坏治疗师 I did it. I'm a bad therapist.
好吧 跟你说 我烦死穷鬼了 Okay, you know what? I can't with the neediness.
麻烦站回去 快点 Step to the back line, please. Quickly.
两位女士 Okay, ye‐‐ Ladies,
我完全不知道你们在搞什么 I‐I don't have a clue what's happening here,
不过一点意思也没有 but none of it's interesting.
住在隔壁 有杀人意图的女主人 The murderous matriarch from next door.
是我干的 I did it.
为了得到更多房间和好风景 And I would do it again for the square footage
我会再干一次 and that view.
你唯一能欣赏到的风景 The only view you're going to have
就只能从后面看得到 is from the back line!
没人想听一个讲谋杀的播客讲房子 No one wants a murder podcast about real estate!
各位 你们不能表现得太刻意 People, you‐you can't look like you want it too much.
-大错特错 -掏钱 - Big mistake. - Pay your bills!
♪ 掏钱 ♪ ♪ Pay your bills! ♪
♪ 奥利弗·普特南 ♪ ♪ Oliver Punan ♪
♪ 请他妈的 ♪ ♪ Pay your funcking ♪
♪ 掏钱 ♪ ♪ Bill! ♪
邦妮 你为什么唱歌 Bunny, why are you singing?
这不是音乐剧吗 Well, this is a musical, right?
你出现就不是了 滚后面去 Not with you in it. Back line!
伊夫琳的老爸 Evelyn's cat daddy.
经常投诉蒂姆 Oh, had a lot of complaints about Tim.
是蒂姆经常投诉伊夫琳 Tim complained a lot about Evelyn.
他说是伊夫琳让他患上了哮喘 He said she gave him asthma attacks.
他还威胁要杀了伊夫琳 He threatened to shoot her.
所以你知道蒂姆有把枪 Oh, so you knew Tim had a gun.
没错 That's right.
猫有九条命 不过我让蒂姆提前见了阎王 She had nine lives, but I cut his one short.
聪明 Cute.
-别动 -好奇害死了猫 - Stay put. ‐ Curiosity killed the cat,
不过我杀了蒂姆·科诺... but I killed Tim Kono...
如果你想丢了工作 就继续逼逼 Okay, you wanna lose the gig? Keep talking!
好了 各位 Alright, everyone!
除了霍华德·莫里斯... With the exception of Howard Morris....
其他人退后 Back line.
我们有线索了 We have our lead.
凶手是霍华德·莫里斯 Howard Morris.
蒂姆威胁要杀了他的猫咪 Tim threatened to kill his cat,
而且他知道蒂姆有把枪 and he knew that Tim had a gun.
还有就是蒂姆的血迹上有猫爪印 Plus, those paw prints in Tim's blood.
-没错 -那我们要怎么做 ‐ Correct. ‐ So, what's our plan?
-来场试镜 -我们和他见面 ‐ Well, it's an audition. W‐w‐we meet with him,
跟他提蒂姆·科诺 看他怎么反应 bring up Tim Kono, see what he does.
不好意思 I'm sorry.
计划就是 我们找到凶手 The plan is to meet with a murderer,
找个危险的话题聊到他发飙 bring up a dangerous topic till he snaps,
把手伸进沙发 拿出枪 reaches under the sofa, pulls out the murder weapon,
然后把我们全杀了 and kills us all?
我们录下来 And we record him.
放到播客上 For the podcast.
不 不 不 我不... 这样做合法吗 No, no, no. I‐I can't... Is that even legal?
说到点子上了 Oh, that's a good point.
也许我们得跟他说 他会被录音 We might have to tell him he's being recorded.
但当然不能明说 因为他可能不乐意 But subtly, of course, 'cause I don't think he'd like that.
结束后我可以把这个留着吗 Can I keep this when we're done?
不行 我还得在30天内把它退回去 然后拿退款 No, no. I have to return all this stuff in 30 days to get our money back.
不行 这个我们不能急 No! We can't rush this.
你保证 我们不能操之过急 Promise me we're not rushing this.
待会见 I'll see you later.
你不来吗 Wait, you're not coming?
我们采访凶手的时候你要去哪 W‐where are you gonna be while we interview a murderer?
制片的事 很无聊 祝你们好运 Oh, just producer stuff. Boring. Good luck.
这算什么事啊 What the shit was that?
奥利弗 Oliver.
泰迪 妈呀 你一点没老 Teddy, my god. You do not age!
把你的巫医介绍给我 I need the name of your witch!
胡说什么呢 你需要什么 Oh god. What do you need?
进来吧 Come on in.
我们得小心点 Now, we need to be careful.
如果霍华德觉得受到了威胁 他会发飙 Howard could snap if he feels threatened.
所以我觉得 Okay, that's why I think
-我们应该用魅力俘获他 -好主意 - we should just hit him with the charm. ‐ Good.
非常好 所以这个我来带头 Excellent, so I'll take the lead on this.
-你说什么 -我是个演员 ‐ Excuse me? ‐ Well, I'm an actor.
我可以施展魅力 I can turn on the charm.
现在就开始了 Is it on now?
热热身 It's warming up.
-你们好 -你好 去大堂吗 ‐ Hello... ‐ Hello. Lobby?
对 麻烦了 Yes, please.
看你像是个音乐家 Oh! I see you're a musician.
眼力不错 Oh, good eye.
其实我是市交响乐团的首席巴松管演奏 I'm actually first chair bassoon in the City Symphony.
首席 梅布尔 她是首席演奏 First chair, Mabel. She's first chair.
我听到了 不过我不太懂 I heard. I don't know what that means.
等等 那每天晚上我听到的 Wait a minute. Is that your bassoon
从院子里传来的巴松管乐声是你弹的吗 I hear playing through the courtyard every night?
抱歉 我该关上窗户的 Oh, I'm sorry. I should close my window.
不会 很好听 我把它当作阿尔科尼亚之声 No, it's lovely. I think of it as the sound of the Arconia.
你真会说话 Oh. That's really sweet.
回声能帮我听到自己的音调 Um, the echoes help me hear my pitch,
检查下自己是不是需要调整吹孔 and if I need to adjust my embouchure.
当然 Of course.
梅布尔 吹孔... 就是放嘴巴的位置 Mabel, the embouchure is... is a mouth position.
牛 Rad.
很高兴认识你 我叫简 It was nice meeting you. I'm Jan.
我叫查尔斯 I'm Charles.
约人家出去吧 萨维奇先生 Get some, Mr. Savage.
-我才不会 -你这样的态度可不行 ‐ I will not. ‐ Not with that attitude.
我在流鼻血吗 Is my nose bleeding?
没有 咱们快走吧 No. Well, let's go.
我去和霍华德谈谈 你确保他知道有人在录音 I'm gonna get Howard to talk. You just make sure he knows he's being recorded.
好的 好的 测试 测试 Right, right. Testing! Testing!
这些回忆多美好啊 泰迪 Some good memories, huh, Teddy?
看到墙上的这些我太高兴了 Makes me so happy seeing them up.
如果你让我投资的剧的海报 It would be nice if I had posters of the shows
也挂在上面 就更好了 you talked me out of investing in.
-悲惨世界 -是 我知道 - Les Mis? ‐ Yeah, I know.
"这也太扫兴了 泰迪 就为了一条面包" "It's such a downer, Teddy, and all over a loaf of bread?"
-确实 -妈妈咪呀 ‐ Well, it was. ‐ Mamma Mia.
[音乐电影妈妈咪呀致敬ABBA]
"ABBA没散的时候我就不喜欢他们" "I didn't like ABBA when they were ABBA."
[70年代的摇滚乐队 代表作有歌曲妈妈咪呀]
-是 -汉密尔顿 ‐ Yeah. ‐ Hamilton.
他们选了个最没魅力的人演开国元勋 They picked the one Founding Father with no pizazz.
[在电影版汉密尔顿中 林-曼努尔·米兰达饰演开国元勋之一汉密尔顿]
-这就是个错误... -奥利弗 - That was wrong... - Look, Oliver,
我不想这么赶的 你认识我儿子 西奥 I don't mean to rush. Uh, you know my son, Theo.
我们有点事得... We have a thing we need to...
我不会太久的 我保证 I‐I won't be long. I promise.
你能... 你能用手语给他解释下吗 Can you... Can you sign that to him?
把鹰嘴豆泥藏起来 他有点事
谢谢 Thank you!
所以 泰迪 就是... 我在做一档播客 So‐so Teddy, um... I'm doing a podcast.
一档关于发生在我们大楼里的谋杀案的 A true crime podcast about a murder
真实的犯罪播客 that took place in our own building.
如果你起鸡皮疙瘩了就举个手 Raise your hand if you just got chills.
但是... 它并不只是关于一个死掉的男人的故事 But.. And it isn't just the story of a man's death.
它关于我们对真相的探索 It is about our craving for truth.
对正义的渴望 Our hunger for justice.
这就是为什么我觉得迪马斯熟食很适合当我们的赞助商 And that's why I think Dimas Delis is the obvious sponsor.
等等 你真的来找我要钱吗 Hold on. You're really asking me for money?
我不会说得这样直白 Well, I wouldn't, uh, put it like that.
我的意思是你要是想打广告的话 I‐I'm just saying that you can advertise
三万二 很低了 for the very low cost of $32,000.
-奥利弗 去你的吧 -拜托 泰迪 ‐ Oliver! Motherfucking hell! ‐ Oh, come on, Teddy,
我知道你内心肯定还是很想念我的 I know there's a part of you that misses me,
-想念那些我们一起创造过的奇迹 -奥利弗 我爱我们曾做过的节目 - and misses the magic we made. ‐ Oliver, I loved our shows.
这是把钱扔进我根本不在乎的火堆里 It's setting money on fire I don't care for.
不过听着 我们有机会还是可以喝一杯的 But listen, let's grab a drink some time.
我非常乐意 什么时候呢 Oh, I would love that. When is good?
当我不用花三万二的时候 When it doesn't cost me 32K.
真是个混蛋 What a putz.
你好 霍华德 Uh, hi, Howard.
我们就是想来看看 We just wanted to see
伊夫琳出事后你过得怎么样 how you were holding up since Evelyn.
谢谢关心 Thank you.
我真希望我也死了 I wish I were dead.
我很抱歉 最近我不在状态 I'm sorry. Things have gotten a bit away from me.
没事 Oh, it's okay. Um,
你还有一只猫吗 莫里斯先生 do you have another cat, Mr. Morris?
不 这些都是伊夫琳的 No. This is all Evelyn's.
如果我把这些东西保持原样... If I don't touch anything...
食物 水 玩具... food, water, toys...
我可以装作伊夫琳还在 I can pretend she's still here.
我听过这样一种说法 或许对你有帮助 You know, I heard this once, and maybe you can appreciate it.
猫永远不会真正的离开你 A cat never really leaves you
因为它们传播寄生虫 because they transmit parasites.
我相信伊夫琳肯定很干净 I'm sure Evelyn was very clean.
当然 谢谢你 She was. Thank you.
似乎楼里的人都很喜欢她 It seems like everyone in the building loved her.
不像蒂姆·科诺 Unlike Tim Kono.
不好意思 我想起他... 是因为... I'm sorry, I just... I link them because...
他们死在了同一天 they both died the same day.
好吧 Right.
但是人们并不怎么喜欢蒂姆·科诺 And people didn't really like Tim Kono.
确实 没人喜欢他 No, people did not.
我听说的 I hear.
是吗 你具体听到了些什么 就... Really? What did you hear exactly? Just...
我不该说死人的坏话 I shouldn't speak ill of the dead.
蒂姆就是个混蛋 Tim was a prick.
是啊 妈的他就是个混蛋 Yes, he certainly fuckin' was.
我们那天在电梯上看到他了 We saw him on the elevator the other day.
那个混蛋做什么了 What did he do? That fuck.
他在电话里痛骂了别人 He berated someone over the phone.
他就喜欢这样 Yeah. Typical Tim.
好像是关于丢了戒指的事... Something about a missing ring...
他总是对各种事不满 He was always upset about something.
最近更甚 It got worse recently.
我听说他被投资公司开除了 I heard that he got fired from his investment firm
因为他让一个大客户损失了不少钱 for losing a big client a lot of money.
-真的吗 -是啊 ‐ Really? ‐ Mm‐hmm.
蒂姆对伊夫琳有过不满吗 Did Tim ever get upset with Evelyn?
哪有这种人 明明是自己没关窗户 What kind of person leaves their window open,
还冲一只溜进来的小猫咪发火 and then gets mad at a cat for wandering in?
伊夫琳不是只记仇的猫 但我想她知道蒂姆死了肯定很开心 Evelyn wasn't a vindictive girl, but I know that she is happy Tim is dead.
她太美了 My god, she's beautiful.
那不是伊夫琳 That's not Evelyn.
-我还以为那是... -那是芭芭拉 ‐ I could've sworn... ‐ That's Barbara.
她是个贱人 She was a bitch.
不过 她挂在那儿也挺好的 Yeah. Still, it's so nice that she's up there, too,
因为就像... 你被录下来了 because it's like... you're being recorded.
-你说什么 -我说... 她在看着你 ‐ What was that? ‐ I said... she's watching you,
所以就像... 你被录下来了一样 so it's like... you're being recorded.
我不这么觉得 为什么你要这样说 I‐I wouldn't put it that way. Why would you say it like that?
我... 我也不知道 Uh, I... I don't know.
你说蒂姆死了伊夫琳会很开心 You were saying Evelyn was happy that Tim died?
-天 -你干什么了 - Whoa! Jesus! ‐ What did you do?
对不起 对不起 Oh, sorry. Sorry.
你到底是怎么了 What is wrong with you?
什么鬼 我的天 What the fuck! Oh my god!
快去拿冰块 冰块 快点 Go get ice! Ice! Go!
操 Shit.
冰块 Ice.
快把冰块拿来 Just get ice!
冰块 Ice?
冰块 我的天 Ice. Oh my god.
天啊... 你能快点吗 什么鬼 Jeez... Will you hurry? What the fuck!
天... God...
你也太慢了吧 You're taking too long!
快点 布拉佐斯 Hurry, Brazzos!
天 天... 快点 Oh my god, oh my god, uh... Quick!
霍华德 你还好吗 Howard, are you okay?
我有血管迷走性晕厥 I have vasovagal syncope.
一见到血就会晕 I‐I‐I faint at the sight of blood.
这样啊 Oh.
这也太惨了 Well, that‐‐ that sucks.
这样有很多事你可能就做不了吧 Probably keeps you from doing a lot of things,
比如目睹血腥的谋杀 like being present for bloody murders.
你知道吧 你冰箱里有只猫 You know, there's a cat in your freezer.
嗯 我知道 Yes, I know that.
我觉得蒂姆毒死了伊夫琳 然后自杀了 I think Tim poisoned Evelyn, and then killed himself.
我正打算去做一个药物检测 I'm getting a toxicology report done.
有道理 Makes sense.
只是那只猫就在你吃的东西旁边… It's just that she's next to your food...
挨着你的吃的 Touching it.
是癌症吗 Is it cancer?
我只是想知道我该对你投入多少感情 I just need to know how invested I should get in you.
-你不会收养一只20岁的狗 ‐我不会死 - You don't adopt a 20‐year‐old dog. ‐ I'm not dying.
是焦虑 我跟人说话的时候有时会这样 It's anxiety. It happens sometimes when I talk to people.
但我能解决 我就不跟人说话 But I have it managed. I just don't talk to people.
不去约会 不认识邻居 Or go on dates. Or know my neighbors.
好吧 你懂我的 Well, you know me.
-你怎么了 -我不会笑你的 ‐ And you are? ‐ Not going to laugh at that.
我不怪你 I don't blame you.
我要去呼吸点新鲜空气 I'm gonna get some air.
我猜霍华德有不在场证明 So I guess Howard is alibied out.
什么 你信了吗 因为他晕过去了吗 What? You bought that? The fainting act?
他那绝对是演的 我都能看出来 I can spot actors a mile away.
奥利弗说什么了吗 Any word from Oliver?
没有 Nothing.
我的经纪人总说他不可靠 My agent always said he was unreliable.
她说 "别去试他的镜" She said, "Don't even go audition for him."
-当然这是没有意义的 因为只有我被邀请… -拜拜 - 'Course it's moot because I'm offer‐only... ‐ Bye!
拜拜 Uh, bye.
你要去干什么 What are you up to?
老天 Jesus.
这种原版海报 Original posters like this
能卖5万 有时候能上10万 go for five, sometimes 10,000.
我现在手头有点紧 And I'm a little strapped right now.
你不能卖了它 这不是你最成功的演出吗 You can't sell this. Wasn't this your biggest show?
不 不 这是我最严重的失败 No, no. This was my biggest flop.
还有更严重的失败 There were bigger flops.
不不不 Oh, no, no. No, no, no.
没有比我这个表演更失败的了 There is no bigger flop than my show.
我们还没开演就收到了差评 We got bad reviews before we even opened.
舞台上10年没有水了 You didn't see water on a stage for 10 years.
三家公司为此破产 两家保险公司被调查 It caused three bankruptcies, two insurance investigations.
我想总有些高光时刻 I'm sure it had some good moments.
好吧 Well,
在第一幕结束的时候 at the end of the first act, there was this amazing number
有12个人鱼从高高的跳台 where 12 merman dove from a high pier
跃入舞台下面的水池 into a pool built into the stage floor.
但是 预演的第一天晚上 But, the first night of previews,
他们降低地板的液压系统 they'd been having problems with the hydraulics
出了问题 that lowered the floor.
但是 我说… But, I said...
"试试吧" "Go for it."
当每个人鱼唱起 "溅起水花…" And as each merman sang, "Make a splash..."
他们一个接一个地从高高的跳台上跳了下来 they all dove down from the high pier, one by one.
溅起水花 溅起水花... Make a splash! Make a splash...
我现在还能听到他们摔在地板上的声音 And I can still hear the sound of them all hitting the floor.
砰 Thwop.
所有12个人吗 All 12?
所有12个人 All 12.
合唱队的男孩总是黏在一起 Chorus boys tend to stick together.
你犯了个错误 我们都会犯… Well, you made a mistake. We all make mistak...
-没死人吧 -没有 - No one died, right? ‐ No.
好吧 我们都会犯错 Yeah, well, okay. We all make mistakes.
第二天时报的标题是 The headline in the Times next day was,
-"演砸了" -这怕是最糟的了 - Splat." ‐ Well, if that's the worst of it.
不是 No, it's not.
我把自己的钱投到这场表演里了 I put my own money in the show.
但是 它其实不是… But, it wasn't actually...
我的 那是我儿子读大学的钱 mine. It was my son's college fund.
我不仅因为这个演出失去了我的事业 I not only lost my career with the show,
还是去了我的一切... but making it all about me...
我也失去了我的家人 I lost my family as well.
人生无常 It can happen.
相信我 我懂 Trust me, I know.
一个大错误会让你损失惨重 You can lose a lot with one big mistake.
但世界需要像你奥利弗·普特南这样的人 But the world needs Oliver Putnams.
你把人们推出他们的舒适区 You push people out of their comfort zone.
我不喜欢和人打交道 I mean, I don't like to get involved with people,
但我刚遇到一个很奇怪的人 but I just met a very strange man,
从冰箱里找到一只冻僵的猫 and knocked a frozen cat out of his freezer.
我还留着它的腿 I‐I still have its leg!
老天 Oh, Jesus!
现在有点温度了 但闻上去还很新鲜 It's warm now, and that smell is new,
但这也有点吓人 but it's also kinda thrilling,
这都是因为你 and it's all because of you.
我想说 你是个疯子 I mean, you're insane,
但人们也都想追随这样的人 but that's usually who people want to follow.
你不能失去那种精神 You can't lose that.
我花了一整天 You know, I spent all day
想赚点钱让这个播客变得特别 looking for some cash to make this podcast special.
让我在音响设备上投些钱吧 这是我们的节目 You know, let me put some money into that sound equipment. It's our show.
-不不 你不用这样 -不 我愿意… ‐ Oh, no, no. You don't have to do that. ‐ No, I want to...
那你欠我4500美金 最好给现金 You owe me 4,500. I prefer cash.
你要去哪里 Where you going?
奥利弗·普特南的字典里没有不 Oliver Putnam is not gonna take no for an answer.
你好 托雷斯先生 Hi, Mr. Torres.
我不知道你是否还记得我 但是… I don't know if you remember me, but...
我记得 你要修什么吗 I do. Do you need something fixed?
不 公寓很好 N‐no. The apartment is fine.
一切都好 Everything's fine.
我只是来找奥斯卡的 Um, I was just looking for Oscar.
他不是这周就出狱了吗 Wasn't he getting out this week?
他不在这里 He's not here.
好吧 你能告诉他我在找他吗 如果… Okay, well, can you tell him I'm looking for him, and if...
不 我不会这么做的 No. I won't do that.
我儿子需要一个新的开始 My son needs a fresh start.
别来了 Don't come here again.
来喝一杯吧 泰迪 Time for that drink, Teddy.
求你了 别逼我搬家 Please, don't make me move.
不不不 拜托 No, no, no, please, please, please.
我… I‐I...
你还记得那天吗 Do you remember the day
我在水池跟你推销飞溅 I sold you on the pool for Splash?
你相信是因为我很自信 You bought in because I was confident
有魅力 还年轻 and charming and young.
你当时58岁了 You were around 58.
这不是重点 Well, that's not the point.
你来之前一小时 我还很紧张 An hour before you got there, I was so nervous.
为开什么样的酒 而喘不过气来 Hyperventilating over what kind of wine to open.
然而一个小时后 你看到了一个自信的推销员 Yet an hour later, you saw a confident salesman.
但这都是伪装 But it was all pretend.
年轻人虚伪的傲慢 The false arrogance of youth.
再说一遍 你当时快花甲了 Again, you were nearly 60.
是的 但我现在更老 Yeah, but I'm older now.
我已经想通了 泰迪 And I have learned, Teddy.
做出重大承诺的人 也无法预知未来 No one who promises big things knows what's gonna happen.
但重要的是过程 But, it's the ride that counts.
我想我发现了一些很棒的东西 I think I am onto something great here,
我发誓 我不会让你失望的 and I swear to you, I'm not gonna let you down.
这次我们要引起轰动 Let's make a real splash this time.
通过播客吗 奥利弗 But with a podcast, Oliver?
以播客的形式开始 Well, it starts with a podcast,
你知道我的 我总会不停开发下去 but you know, with me, it's always gonna be more.
要多少钱 三万二吗 What was it? 32K?
现在要三万五了 Now, it's 35.
总是会涨价的 Always more.
走吧 姑娘 Come on, girl.
抱歉 我们走 Ooh, sorry. Let's go.
我们走吧 走了 维尼 There we go. There you go, Winnie.
哇 你好啊 斯汀 Well, hello there, Sting!
管管你的狗 Your dog, please.
维尼 别离斯汀那么近 Winnie, don't stand so close to Sting.
她只是因为那晚的案子有些紧张不安 She's just on edge after that upsetting death the other night.
我现在正在做此案的播客 Which I'm actually doing a podcast about.
也算是... 很牛的了 Um... Kind of a bid deal.
很多人都觉得牛... People seem to think it's a big deal...
你该不会恰好认识蒂姆·科诺吧 Did you, uh, by chance, know Tim Kono?
你是想说我和这案子有关吗 Are you suggesting I had something to do with that?
不 不 不 我只是... No, no, no, no, no. I‐I was just...
见面寒暄一下 It was just a‐a question in passing.
拜托 管管你的狗 Please, your dog.
好的 不好意思 Yes, I'm sorry.
-管好它 -好好 很抱歉 ‐ Control him! ‐ Yes, I'm sorry.
维尼是你的狂热粉 Winnie is just a big fan.
我不喜欢狗 I don't like dogs.
-你养狗吗 -养 - Do you have a dog? ‐ I have a dog.
我也不喜欢我的狗 I don't like him either.
好吧 很高兴认识... Ah, well, this‐this has been a...
你很喜欢听吧 You liked it, right?
你看我的脸 是那个意思吗 Is that what my face is saying?
听着 在我们今天收工之前 Oh hey! Listen, uh, uh, before we wrap up,
我要宣布一件小事 I have a little announcement to make.
我们正式成为... We are now the proud parents of a new...
-一档全新播客的父母了 -什么意思 - podcast. ‐ What does that mean?
我们刚刚发布了第一集 We just published our first episode.
应该说投放了 我们投放了一集 听起来牛一点 Or dropped. We‐we dropped it. Like it was hot.
不好意思 我们什么时候放出去的 Excuse me, when did we do that?
-一小时之前 -我网上找不到 ‐ An hour ago. ‐ I can't find it.
找找看迪马斯鸡肉卷赞助的节目 Oh, try Dimas Chicken Wraps Presents
大楼里只有谋杀 Only Murders in the Building.
我找到了个大赞助商 I got us a big fat sponsorship.
泰迪只有一个要求 因为这个月是鸡肉卷纪念月 Teddy had one condition. Because it's Chicken Wrap month,
他要我们立即投放第一集 所以... he needed us to drop the first episode right away, so...
你操之过急了 真是惊喜啊 You rushed it. Big surprise.
奥利弗·普特南出品 This is an Oliver Putnam Production.
我们现在收听率怎么样 有听众吗 How we doing? Any audience?
找到了 到现在有四个人听过了 Found it. Four listens so far.
一个小时里就有四个人 In only an hour?
按这个速度 到下周四... 我们就能有 两百万播放量了 At this rate, we're gonna be, like, at two million by... Thursday.
-有什么评论吗 -有的 ‐ Any comments? ‐ Oh yeah.
"查尔斯·哈登·萨维奇是一个..." "Charles‐Haden Savage is a..."
是好的 是好的 正面评价 I‐it's good. It's a‐a good, nice comment.
-是好的吗 -是的 肯定是好的 ‐ It's good? Oh. ‐ Yeah, I bet it's good.
用我六角风琴的背景音乐了吗 Did you use my concertina music?
-我真的该走了... -我就知道你没用 ‐ I should really be going... ‐ I knew it.
确实 我是最坏的人了 You know what? I am the worst.
所以 你投放了我们的播客 So, basically, you released our podcast,
我们连实际的推论都没有 we have no real theories,
更不用提 连主要嫌疑人都没有了 let alone a prime suspect.
等我们有了十二个听众的时候 再担心也来得及 When we have 12 listeners, maybe we can worry.
好吧 听着 我能行 Okay, you know what? I've got this.
我会负责的 I'm all over it!
别担心 Worry not!
我可真他妈担心啊 And I'm fucking worried.
我真他妈担心 I'm so fucking worried.
我是212部影视作品的导演 I've directed 212 theatrical productions
而且我总能找到我的主演[线索] and I've always found my lead.
所有人 很兴奋 是吧 Everyone! Exciting, right?
还是有机会的 Still got a shot!
五 六 七 八 Five, six, seven, eight!
只需要专业的眼睛来发现 It takes a particular eye to know
谁有着明星专属的光芒... who's got that special star spark...
拿着你的帽子 到后排去吧 Order the hat! Back to the newsstand!
...而谁又只是当背景的群众演员 ...and who's just a background player.
邦妮 Bunny!
如果这是部儿童节目的话 你会吓坏孩子们的 If this were a children's show, you'd be scaring the children.
到后边去吧 Get out.
要房子的女人 Real estate woman.
滚吧 所有人 去舞台右边 Get out! Everyone, stage right!
走开 下台 滚 Go away! Get off the stage! Leave!
我知道他们在这里 住在阿尔科尼亚 I know they're here, in the Arconia,
等着被发掘 waiting to be discovered.
停止做播客 否则我就让你完蛋
维尼 Winnie?
怎么了 姑娘 What's wrong, girl?
我的天 Oh my god.
谁会对你这么做 Who would do this to you?
要是我们以这样的问题开始 If we began with the question,
"你有多了解你的邻居" "How well do you know your neighbors?"
结果 答案是 Turns out, the answer is
你最著名的邻居... your most well‐known neighbor...
...可能是你了解最少的那一个 ...might be the one you know the least.
蒂姆·科诺被楼里某人杀了 Tim Kono was murdered by someone in this building.
我讨厌蒂姆·科诺 I hated Tim Kono.
那个混蛋 蒂姆·科诺 That shit ball, Tim Kono.
他死了我很高兴 I'm happy Tim is dead.
有一次我在室外抽烟 他还大声吵我 He once yelled at me for smoking outside!
没人喜欢他 Look, nobody liked him,
那我们能不能感激他已经去世了 but can we all just be grateful he's gone?
我靠 Shit.
我觉得我们的嫌疑人名单变得更长一点了 I think our list of suspects just got a little longer.
杀手给我的狗下毒了 The killer poisoned my dog.
"停止做播客 否则我就让你完蛋" "End the podcast or I end you."
谁干的 Who did this?
你觉得是我导致了蒂姆的死 You think Tim's death is my fault.
情节曲折啊 Twist!
我们遇到了难以置信的转折 We have an unexpected turn of events!
你太容易上当受骗了 You're a simpleton.
我靠 没录下来 Damn it, I didn't get that.
你能再那么说一遍吗 Can you call me a simpleton again?
-你太容易上当受骗了 -谢谢你 ‐ You're a simpleton. ‐ Oh, thank you.
我们需要一个线索 We need one lead.
我在找蒂姆的未婚妻 I'm looking for Tim's fiancée.
因为让一个大客户赔了很多钱 所以他被开除了 He got fired for losing a big client a lot of money.
我在他的房间里发现了这些 I found all these in his apartment.
我们迫不及待要听下一集 We're dying for the next episode!
我们也是 We may be too!
这是迄今为止嫌疑最大的人 This is our strongest suspect yet.
要是我们要这么做的话 If we're gonna do this,
现在不做就再也没机会了 we're gonna do it now or never.
我很抱歉... I'm sorry...
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计划是和凶手见面 The plan is to meet with the murderer,
找个危险的话题聊到他发飙 bring up a dangerous topic until he snaps,
把手伸进沙发 拿出枪 把我们都杀了 reaches under the sofa, pulls out the murder weapon, and kills us all.
然后录下来 放到播客上 And we record him for the podcast.