(前情提要)
你还好吗 How you doing, Charlie?
我受不了一周八场演出 Oh, my nerves couldn't take eight shows a week.
因为停演松口气也没关系 It's okay to be relieved that the show is over.
我们就更有时间了 Means more time for us.
你阿姨卖掉公寓了 Your aunt sold the apartment?
我四周后就得搬走 I have to be out in four weeks.
「血腥梅宝」摩拉 Bloody Mabel Mora.
杀人狂美女最吸引人了 There is nothing more tantalizing than an unhinged, murderous beauty.
我要用最奥利佛帕南的风格 重新打造《临死之鸣》 I'm re-imagining Death Rattle in the most Oliver Putnam way.
《临死之鸣大惊奇》 《临死之鸣》的音乐剧 Death Rattle Dazzle! A Death Rattle Musical!
看到这个卡司 我们面临了令人不安的事实 As we look at the cast, we are faced with an unsettling truth.
他们全都有可能是凶手 Any one of them could be the killer.
你不该来这里的 You're not supposed to be here.
有人在他的更衣室里 There was someone in his dressing room.
班死掉那晚... The night that Ben died,
(首演夜快乐 ) (去你的 班)
他手里抓着别人的手帕 he was holding someone else's handkerchief.
我们必须查出哪个剧团成员的手帕不见了 We need to find out who in the cast doesn't have theirs.
-或许就能找到凶手 -金柏... That could be our killer! Kimber...
很抱歉我把我们的事搞得乱七八糟 I'm so sorry I made everything messy between us.
我搞砸了 I fucked up.
但我会补偿你的 But I'm gonna make it right.
我真的很想把手帕给你 但我一定是把它丢掉了 I really wanted to give you my hanky, but I must have thrown it away.
(查尔斯:金柏没有手帕 )
纽约并不是以自我照护出名的地方 New York. It's not exactly famous for self-care.
在这座城市里 我们推挤 我们偶尔尿在别人身上 In this city, we push, we shove, we occasionally urinate on one another.
但我们有花足够的时间疼爱自己吗 But do we spend enough time loving ourselves?
或许没有 Maybe not.
这是整间公寓 This is the whole apartment?
我懂 感觉就像宫殿 I know. Feels like a palace.
460平方英呎全都是你的 460 square feet all to yourself.
但你可以打造一座避难所 But you can create a sanctuary.
我打造我的避难所时 When I created my sanctuary,
买了蓬松的毛巾 一堆大豆蜡烛 I invested in fluffy towels, a fleet of soy candles,
还有此刻窝在我私处里的玉蛋 and a jade egg that is currently nestled in my privates.
重点是创造一个安全的空间 It's about creating a safe space.
-房租呢 -月租4800元 And the rent? 4,800 a month.
再加上水电费和维护费 Plus utilities. And maintenance fees.
另外 你每次回家最好都拿五块钱 Also, you'll probably wanna slip the angry guy
打发睡在台阶上那个愤怒哥 who sleeps on the front steps a fiver anytime you come home,
但整体来说 这间很划算 just to keep the peace. But, all in all, it is a steal.
我去年因为跟同事交恶 Last year, when I stepped down from my podcast
而离开我的线上电台时... after a difficult moment with a coworker...
帕皮 你这个该死的贱货 Poppy, you fucking bitch!
抱歉 把那句剪掉 谢谢 Sorry. Edit that out. Thank you. S--
别谋杀人 还想陷害我 Don't murder someone and try to frame me for it, that's--
好 我在开玩笑 我只是在开玩笑 Okay, I was kidding. Um, I'm-- I am just kidding.
总之 有些人说我被封杀了 Okay, anyway. Some people said I was canceled.
如果被封杀代表花一年的时间 Well, if getting canceled means
学习按照印度教法生活 spending a year learning to live in alignment with your dharma,
那么没错 就当我被封杀了吧 then yes. Call me canceled.
我很平静 因为在那段时间里 我养成了很重要的习惯 I'm at peace. Because during that time, I cultivated something important.
我的自我照护仪式 My self-care rituals.
你做什么工作 摩拉小姐 So, what do you do, Ms. Mora?
我只是想知道你会怎么运用空间 I-I'm just trying to figure out how you'd use the space.
可能是跟伴侣共享的爱巢 Perhaps it's a love nest to share with a partner.
展开你梦想事业的家庭办公室 Or a home office to launch your dream business.
又或许你只想办些很潮的晚餐派对 Or maybe you just wanna throw fabulous dinner parties.
我不是会办晚餐派对的类型 I'm not really the dinner party type.
你一定有喜欢的活动 每个人都有 Well, you must have something you love. Everybody does.
也许你的仪式是写日记 或在树林中散步 Maybe your ritual is journaling. Or a walk in the woods.
我都在来自太平洋断崖疗愈土壤的 For me, I start every day bathing in mud
泥巴浴中展开每一天 from the healing soil of the Pacific Palisades.
我不想给你压力 但很多人对这间有兴趣 So, I'm not trying to pressure you, but there's a lot of heat on this one.
所以你要租的话 我会跟你要资料 So if you want it, I'd start gathering your paperwork.
像是薪资单 报税单 你现任房东的信之类 You know, pay stubs, tax returns, maybe a letter from your current landlord.
我很确定我一定有那些东西 I'm pretty sure I definitely have all those things.
一定的 For sure.
仪式让我们站稳脚步 在混乱的世界中带来平静 Rituals ground us, offering calm in a world of chaos.
但太爱仪式可能会走火入魔 But love a ritual too much, and it can become an obsession.
(我们得谈谈)
我们还没意识到 And before we know it,
一度疗愈我们的仪式就成了祸根 the ritual that once healed us has become our undoing.
你准备要签约了吗 So! You ready to move on this?
(我无话可说)
当然 Totally.
不行 这间不适合我 No, this one's not me.
破案三人行 第三季第四集
本WEB版外挂字幕由 风吹来的那片云 双语合并
(第三季 第四集) (白色房间)
它们好平和 They're so peaceful. Mm-hmm.
而且有好多条 And so many. Mm.
你说有62条 Sixty-two, did you say?
这样刚刚好 That's the sweet spot.
61条 你会纳闷是不是少了条鱼 Sixty-one, you wonder if you're one fish short
63条 你就是养鱼的疯婆子 and 63, you're a crazy fish lady.
太多了吗 Is it too much?
鱼太多吗 Too much fish?
这一切太多了吗 Too much everything.
我搬进来 我的水族箱 Me moving in, my aquarium,
我的弹跳床 健身球 my trampoline, my exercise balls.
你知道我喜欢滚来滚去的 You know I like to roll from room to room.
你不觉得窒息 You don't feel suffocated?
-不会 女士 -好 - No, ma'am! - Okay.
畅通的呼吸道 Wide-open airways!
婴儿般的肺 Lungs like a baby!
裘伊 这是你的空间了 Joy, this is your space now.
查理 我不敢相信 Oh, Charlie! I can't believe it!
35年前 你坐在我的化妆椅上 Thirty-five years ago, you sat in my makeup chair,
我还想:「这个男人会孤独地死去」 and I thought to myself, "This man dies alone."
现在看看我们 And now, look at us.
一起生活 Shacking up.
这是美梦成真 It's a dream come true! Mwah!
来庆祝吧 要去水族店吗 Let's celebrate. Wanna go to the fish store?
姑且不说今天已经去过两次 我必须排练 Uh, well, besides having already been there twice today, I-I have to rehearse.
奥利佛一直催我练一首诙谐歌 Oliver is all over me about this patter song.
诙谐歌 Patter song?
诙谐歌是快速演唱大量资讯的歌 Well, a, a patter song is a speed-singing, uh, information dump
每次都是音痴负责 they always give to the guy who can't sing.
基本上就是饶舌 我看起来是会饶舌的人吗 It's basically a rap. I mean, do I look like a guy who can rap?
老实说 你的样貌没有那种气息 Well, I wouldn't say that's what your look screams, if I'm honest,
但我看过你做很困难的事 but I've seen you do hard things.
像《侦探布拉奏斯》第四季 How about Brazzos, season four?
当你的角色必须去溜冰场 When your character had to bust the drug dealers
逮捕那些毒贩 而你一直说 at the roller skating rink, and you were like,
「我做不出后溜的葡萄藤」 "I can't do a backward grapevine!"
后来你做到了 Until you did!
剧组医师说没看过股骨那样断成两半 Set medic said he never saw a femur snap in half like that.
那不是重点 That's not the point.
查理 你是个明星 Charlie, you are a star.
你穿那件溜冰短裤也不难看 And you didn't look bad in those roller shorts either,
你看看我 Oh, look at me.
浑身发热 我要去水族店冷静一下了 Oh, getting all hot! I'm gonna go cool off at the fish store.
-你会再买鱼吗 -我只会看看 - You gonna buy more fish? - I'm just gonna browse.
但可能会 绝对会 But probably, definitely yes.
两分钟后就是排练 也就是杀人凶手走进来的时候 We have a few minutes before rehearsal, AKA a murderer walking into this room.
来谈案子吧 Let's talk case.
我想更新一下近况 If I may, a life update.
奥利佛帕南 纽约长年来最抢手的单身汉 Oliver Putnam, long considered New York's most un-land-able bachelor,
恋爱了 is in love.
没错 这家伙死会了 老兄 That's right. This merchandise off the market, bruh.
你又还没约罗芮塔出去 Loretta. Whom you have yet to ask out.
那是因为我在准备完美约会 Well, 'cause I'm workshopping the perfect date.
如果我要打破自己的规矩 跟剧团成员交往 I mean, if I'm going to break my own rule and date one of the cast members,
我就得做得气派点 I have to do it with flair.
目前的版本是在俄罗斯茶馆吃午餐 Uh, current vision, lunch, the Russian Tea Room.
会太「普丁」吗 Or is that too Putin-y?
我们还是没有进展 Now we've gotten exactly nowhere
对于是谁把班推下电梯井毫无头绪 on figuring out who pushed Ben down the elevator shaft.
所以我们应该回头 So, I say we go back.
去戏院查出班倒在台上是不是因为毒药 Go to the theater, figure out if Ben's collapsing on stage was due to poison.
-我想... -你要说案子还是罗芮塔的事 I think-- Is this gonna be about the case or Loretta?
-罗芮塔 -那就别说了 - Loretta. - Then, zip it.
如果是因为毒药 我们还真的有个像样的嫌犯 So if it was poison, we actually have a decent suspect to look at.
金柏 Kimber.
金柏 Oh, Kimber!
我喜欢 真不赖 I love it. It's so good.
有个小问题 非金柏不可吗 Quick question. Does it have to be Kimber?
她是少数真正会唱歌的剧团成员 Uh, she's one of the few cast members who can actually sing.
-我被冒犯了 -我正有此意 I take offense to that. That was my intention.
我正在练颤音 你们听 I'm working on my vibrato. Listen.
谢谢你 苏珊大婶 Thank you, Ms. Merman.
而且金柏的事 Oh, a-and the thing about Kimber,
我刚发现她有两百万抖音群众 I just found out that she has two million TikTok-y people.
-追踪人数 我知道 -我们的戏正需要曝光 Followers. I know, but-- Which is great press for our show.
另一方面 我们的舞台监督有世界级的坏脾气 Now our stage manager, on the other hand, is a world-class grump
而且只有12个人追踪 who has only 12 followers.
可以往那边调查吗 Can we look in that direction?
金柏是唯一 没把手帕交给查尔斯的剧团成员 Kimber was the only cast member that didn't give Charles a hanky.
她可能试图在剧院对他下毒 So she could have attempted to poison him at the theater.
那招没成功 她就把他推下电梯井 And when that didn't work, she pushed him down the elevator shaft.
-有道理吗 -我有个点子 Make sense? Hey! I just had an idea!
真的吗 Really?
我们可以删掉诙谐歌 我做个表情就好 What if we cut the patter song, and I just do a look?
老天爷 Oh, dear lord.
金柏还有一点 在我看到的更衣室影片中 Another detail on Kimber. In the dressing room footage I saw,
听起来班在跟他的爱人争执 it sounded like Ben was having a lover's spat
接着他就倒在舞台上 right before he collapsed on stage,
那可以解释他为了把事情搞得乱七八糟 which would explain why he apologized to Kimber at the party
在派对上向金柏道歉的事 for making things messy.
我们得查出他们是否谈过地下情 We have to find out if they were secretly dating.
你知道谁也在谈地下情吗 Do you know who else is secretly dating?
知道 你跟罗芮塔 再说 你们不算 Yes. You and Loretta. And by the way, you're not.
-还不算 -随便啦 Yet. Whatever.
你的抖音明星有凶手需要的东西 Your TikTok star has something the murderer needed.
那就是下毒的方法 A way to deliver the poison.
各位 你们八成在问自己 Y'all, you are probably asking yourself,
「为什么毒蛇侠班葛兰罗伊 看起来像50岁的婴儿 」 "Why does Ben Glenroy, CoBro, look like a 50-year-old baby?"
他真的在逆龄生长 我告诉你们原因 He's literally aging backwards, and I will tell you why.
因为他都用我的抗老精华液 Because he uses my anti-aging serum.
没错 它能抗老 是精华液 你们也能拥有... That's right, it's anti-aging, it's serum, and you guys can have it, too.
你们想买我的精华液 Are you guys stalking my serum?
-嗨 -对 因为我们都反对老化 Oh! Uh, uh, yes, because we are all anti-aging.
对 Yes.
我可以把你们加入候补名单 但自从班成为 If you want, I can put you on a waitlist, but ever since Ben signed
地下代言人 我就没什么库存了 on as unofficial spokesperson, I can't keep it in stock.
各位 排练时间到了 我们别离题 People, this is rehearsal time. Let's keep it on topic.
好 对 Yes, right.
如果大家都到了 我们就从查尔斯的诙谐歌开始吧 Well, if everyone's here, let's kick it off with Charles' patter song.
等等 等等 什么 Wait. Wait, wait, what?
在大家面前 In front of-- In front of everybody?
查尔斯 六周后 So, Charles, six weeks from now,
你就要在几千人面前演出 you'll be performing this in front of thousands,
所以你该习惯这些目光 so you might as well get used to the eyeballs.
说明场景 Setting the scene.
身为警官的你 发现自己的理智线即将断裂 You, the Constable, find yourself at the end of your metaphorical rope,
却只能咬牙硬撑 审问三名令人难以置信的嫌犯 clinging to sanity as you are interrogating three improbable suspects.
三个婴儿 是的 Babies! Yes!
不过是哪个匹克威三胞胎做的 But, which of the Pickwick Triplets did it?
这一段有点难 This one's a-a little tricky...
汤姆 开始奏乐 谢谢 Tom, bring us in, please. Thanks.
好像比昨天的快 一直都这么快吗 That feels faster than it was yesterday. Has it always been that fast?
一直都这么快 查尔斯 Always been that fast, Charles.
稍微慢一点啦 Take it down just a little bit.
梅宝 你不用留下来 排戏过程很无趣的 Oh, Mabel, y-you don't have to be here because this is just boring play stuff.
不会 我总觉得不能错过这个 Nope. Something is telling me I can't miss this.
是哪个匹克威三胞胎做的 哪一个会犯下如此罪行 ? Which of the Pickwick Triplets did it? ? ? Who of the crew would commit this crime? ?
小兄弟岂能制造如此话题 ? Might a little frat make a todical stat? ?
以童谣来说 这故事小不拉叽 ? It's a story little story for a nursery rhyme! ?
是哪个屁克威王八蛋做的 ? Which of the pig-fuck dickwad did it? ?
哪一个该死的小混球 ? Which of the goddamn fucking shit ?
该死的...
? Ba-ba, bum-bum, ba-da-bum ?
? Ba-dum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ?
? Ba-da-da-da-da ?
? Ba-da, ba-ba-bum, bum-ba-da-bum ?
? Ba-dum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ?
? Ba, da-da, da-da, da-da ?
? Da-da, da-da-da, lee-lee-la... ?
-我能打给我的治疗师吗 -好 May I step out to call my therapist? Yes,
当然可以 of course, you can.
我不知道发生什么事 I-I-I don't know what happened.
我的脑海一片空白 我穿越到另一个领域了 M-My mind just, uh, went blank, and I-I-I crossed over into this other realm.
我死了吗 Am I-- Am I dead?
我嗑药了吗 我死了又嗑药了吗 Am I-I on drugs? Am I dead and on drugs?
老兄 你去白色房间了 Bro, you went to the White Room.
什么房间 The what room?
白色房间 是演员的症头 White Room. It's an actor thing.
舞台上的状况 A, a stage thing.
演电视剧 出错可以重拍 In TV, if you screw up, you get another take.
在戏院可不能重来 In theater, there's no net.
你一忘词就完了 You blank out, that's it.
你是全球暖化纪录片里的北极熊 You're a polar bear in a global warming documentary,
扒着汪洋中的一小块浮冰 默默等死 hanging onto a tiny piece of ice in the middle of the sea, waiting to die.
我在2014年碰过 Happened to me in 2014.
我当时在威明顿演《皆大欢喜》 I was doing a production of As You Like It in Wilmington.
我无从得知我在台上做了什么 I'll never know exactly what I did on that stage, but...
但现在网路上有我的露鸟照 there are now pictures of my penis on the internet,
我只能猜想是当时拍的 and I can only assume that's how they got there.
好吧 那真是...我要怎么避免 Okay, well, that's, uh-- H-How do I stay out of it?
听着 我应付过焦虑症 Look, I've dealt with anxiety.
我曾经进入白色房间 两天后醒来时 Once I went to the White Room and woke up two days later
人在扬克斯的披萨店 at a Papa John's in Yonkers.
很可怕 It's scary.
诀窍就是找到你的「快乐之地」 Uh, the trick is to find your happy place.
好了 各位 Okay, everyone.
目睹那段演出后 我们得休息五分钟 After what we just witnessed, we need to take five.
也许要五年 Maybe years.
奥利佛 我想为刚刚向你说谎道歉 Oliver? I wanna apologize for lying to you earlier.
我说要联络我的治疗师 When I asked to step out to call my therapist.
其实我没有治疗师 I don't actually have a therapist.
只有我在州立农业保险的堂哥摩西 Just my cousin Moses Morris from State Farm,
我有麻烦就会打给他 who I call when things go wrong.
他都会帮我 He helps me.
哈尔德 现在别说这个 Howard, not now.
我知道我们需要从刚刚的演出平复 So, I know that we're just recovering from what just happened,
其实我很难跟你进行眼神接触 查尔斯... and frankly, I'm having a hard time making eye contact with you, Charles.
我做了什么 What did I do up here?
-太早了 -还没准备好 - Too soon! - Not ready.
但我们得找到班在首演夜用的精华液 But, we have to find the serum that Ben used on opening night
测试一下毒性 and test it for poison.
它还在剧院吗 Do you think it's still in the theater?
要进剧院可不简单 哈尔德有钥匙 Getting into the theater is a whole thing.
如果他心情不好 就不会放行 You know, Howard has a key, and if he's not in the right mood, he won't let us in.
他替你工作吧 He works for you, right?
我们的关系很复杂 Well, it's a complicated relationship.
有很多层次 Many layers.
我听到你说有层次的关系 Heard you referencing a layered relationship.
就猜想你在说我 I assume you're speaking about me.
哈尔德 你可以让我们进剧院吗 Howard! How would you feel about letting us in the theater?
你们要调查 Are you investigating?
如果是 身为这出戏的耳目 我必须知道 Because if you are, I need to know. As the eyes and ears of this production--
没什么 It's nothing.
我们只是忘了...一件毛衣 We just left... a sweater.
你喜欢毛衣 对吧 You like sweaters, right?
女孩 你知道我喜欢毛衣 Girl, you know I like sweaters.
那件其实是我的毛衣 It was actually one of my sweaters.
让我猜猜看 Let me guess.
毛茸茸的松宽款 A fluffy number? Vaguely shapeless?
有黄色和橘色的色块 明明就不搭 Splashes of yellow and orange that have no business working,
却莫名地很搭 but, somehow, they work.
天啊 超搭的 My God, do they work!
老天 我爱你那些毛衣 Jesus H. Christ, I love your sweaters!
说吧 我在听 Go on, I'm listening.
那你应该不希望有毛衣被丢在剧院吧 Well, then you wouldn't want one stuck in the theater, would you?
-想想那些蛾... -蛾 I mean, think of the moths. Moths, moths.
在布料上乱钻 咬出洞来 Just burrowing in the fabric, chewing holes.
毛衣的结构都会变得支离破碎 Oh, the whole structure of the sweater just falls apart--
不 别说了 梅宝 No, no, stop! Stop, Mabel! No.
我会让你进去 好吗 I'll let you in, okay?
谢谢你 Thank you.
去拿那件毛衣吧 Let's get that sweater.
好 你真的是天才 Okay. You're a genius.
真的是 Absolutely.
然后强纳森说我得找到我的快乐之地 And then Jonathan told me I need to find my "happy place."
快乐之地 我有那种东西吗 A happy place! Do I even have one of those?
我不知道 裘伊 我好茫然 I-I-I don't know, Joy. I'm all turned around!
你大概只是饿了 Aw, you're probably just hungry.
你不如把这股压力变成你美味的蛋卷 Why don't you take that stress and channel it into one of your gorgeous omelets?
那是你的快乐之地 That's your happy place.
你做蛋卷的方式 就像它们应该登上 And the way you make them looks like they should be on the cover of
不存在的《早餐杂志》封面一样 Breakfast Magazine... Which does not exist.
是哪个匹克威三胞胎做的 哪一个会犯下如此罪行 ? Which of the Pickwick Triplets did it? ? ? Who of the crew would commit this crime? ?
小子岂能让妈咪应声落地 ? Might a little brat make a mommy go splat? ?
以童谣来说 这故事太血腥 ? It's a story pretty gory for a nursery rhyme ?
是哪个匹克威三胞胎做的 哪一个有力气杀人 ? Which of the Pickwick Triplets did it? ? ? Which of the spawn had the brawn to kill? ?
婴儿岂会因弑母受审 ? Will a baby get tried for matricide? ?
咕叽咕叽咕 你或你或你最好快坦承 ? Coochie-coochie-coo ? ? Time for you, you, or you to admit it ?
事不宜迟 快找出是哪个匹克威三胞胎做的 ? So, quick as a whip ? ? Gotta pick which Pickwick Triplet did it ?
裘伊 我办到了 Joy! I did it!
-我唱好那首歌了 -什么 I did the song! What?
我知道诀窍了 我只要做蛋卷就行了 I know the trick now. All I have to do is make an omelet.
对 我这些年来做蛋卷就是想放松 我的大脑把它视为一种安慰了 Yeah! For years, I made omelets to relax, and my brain associates that with comfort.
我知道我心理不健康 I know I'm not mentally healthy,
但没差 因为我能唱这首歌了 but that's okay because I can sing the song.
查理 这样不好 Charlie, this is no bueno.
蛋卷是一次性的舒压 The omelet was a one-time stress release.
你认为你需要蛋卷 You thinking you need the omelet,
那就大错特错了 that's a hard no. Hard no!
-那是种依赖 -对 依赖 That is a crutch. Yeah, it's a crutch!
那是好事吧 That's good, right?
看着我 爱人 Look at me, lover.
你现在有我了 You have me now.
我就是蛋卷 I'm the omelet.
-说吧 -你就是蛋卷 Say it. You're the omelet.
我会照顾你的 查理 I'm gonna look out for you, Charlie.
就像我照顾班葛兰罗伊那样 Just like I did with Ben Glenroy.
他知道他要是动到你一根帅气的汗毛 He knew if he touched one hair on your gorgeous little head,
我就会找他算帐 he was gonna have to deal with me.
我们上床吧 Now, let's go to bed.
我最近在看《印度爱经》 我们还没做过羚羊式 I've been reading the Kama Sutra and we haven't done the antelope yet.
-好 我只想再做一个蛋... -查理 - Okay, I'm just gonna make one more ome-- - Charlie.
羚羊式 The antelope.
天啊 Oh God!
这味道就像杰瑞奥巴赫的洗衣篮 Smells like Jerry Orbach's laundry basket.
我在里面小睡过 说来话长 Which I once had a nap in. Long story.
-这些是什么 -只是首演夜的礼物 - What is all this? - Oh, just opening night gifts.
它们一直被放在这里 像是花跟糕点 They've all just been sitting here, you know? Like flowers and pastries,
已经开瓶的酒 open bottles of wine.
简直像恐怖片... It's like a horror movie.
也就是我跟罗芮塔约会能做的事 Which is something that I could take Loretta to on our date!
但恐怖约会好吗 But should I make it scary?
大家都吓到冒冷汗的约会好玩吗 A-A-Are dates fun when everyone's panic sweating?
帮帮忙 奥利佛 专心点 For the love of God, Oliver, focus.
-抱歉 -到了 - Oh, sorry. - Here we go.
你们在这里干嘛 What the hell are you doing here?
抱歉我刚刚很失礼 我只是不知道你们会来 Sorry if I was rude before. I just didn't know you guys were coming.
有人要喝荨麻叶茶吗 它会让头发长超快哦 Does anyone want nettle leaf tea? It makes your hair grow fast as fuck.
你住在这里吗 Do you... live here?
不 我只是在这经营我的美容帝国 No, this is just where I run my beauty empire.
别跟哈尔德说我复制他的钥匙 Ooh! Don't tell Howard I copied his key.
我会给你们我专卖的胶原蛋白粉 I will give you some of my proprietary collagen powder.
不是免费 八折 Not for free. Twenty percent off?
那倒不用了 Uh, it-it-it's quite alright. Um--
除非...它能让我的脸颊变紧实吗 Unless, can it do anything about my jowls?
(抗老精华液)
可以啊 I wanna be firmer. Oh, yeah.
女孩 你没办法不想我的精华液 对吧 Girl, you can't stop thinking about my serum, can you?
对 谁不想入手班最爱的保养品 Uh, y-yeah. I mean, who wouldn't be obsessed with Ben's favorite skin product?
他确实是爱用者 Right. He did use it religiously.
-连首演夜也是 -当然 - Even on opening night? - Of course.
那他用的瓶子是这一瓶吗 And the bottle that he used, would that... be this one?
大伙 Guys?
你们在吗 小心 我身上有蛋味 You here? Warning, I smell like eggs.
那是查尔斯吗 Is that Charles? Uh...
他有时候会发生迷你中风 You know, he experiences these little mini-strokes.
没啥好紧张的 我们马上回来 It's nothing to be alarmed by. We'll just be right back.
-我不知道金柏在这里 -我们也是 - I didn't know Kimber was here. - Neither did we.
我们必须套她的话 Guys. We've gotta get her talking.
你们知道怎么跟我这年龄的人聊天吗 Can I trust you? Do you even know how to talk to someone my age?
我绝对不行 I definitely don't.
你不算 因为你有老婆婆的能量 And you don't count because you have old lady energy.
她真的有 我会说72或75岁 Oh, she really does. 72 is where I'd put her. Maybe 75.
嘴真甜 但这部分交给我 That's flattering, but I'll do this part.
-我可以聊女生的事 -你可以吗 I can just girl-talk. Can you?
-可以啊 -我不这么认为 - Yeah. - I don't think so.
真的啦 去班的更衣室找线索吧 Really, just go hunt around Ben's dressing room for clues.
但他的更衣室都会上锁 But he keeps his dressing room locked.
别担心 我带了开锁的钥匙 Ah, don't worry. I brought my jimmy keys.
-看吧 我帮得上忙 -你们还好吗 See? I can be helpful. You guys okay out here?
嘿 妈妈 Hey, mama!
对 我们合作无间 整个超杀的 Yeah, we're like, uh, yass and work and slay and yass
来这边晃晃 over here, like, yeah.
赞啦 女王 Yass, queens!
妈妈 Mama?
你会喜欢这个的 You're gonna love this. Technically, it is dog food,
严格说来 这是狗食
但我的狗食完全是人类食用级的 but my kibble is a hundred percent human-grade.
大麦 奇亚籽 酵素精华跟一些有的没的 Barley, chia seed, and essence of sod. And a bunch of other shit.
-对心丝虫也有帮助 -谢了 It also helps with heartworm. Thanks.
-你需要接电话吗 -不用 没关系 Do you need to get that? No, it's okay.
你有这么多事要忙 So, you manage all this?
生意 抖音 演艺事业 Businesses, TikTok, an acting career?
都是这样 我们这年纪要在纽约混... You know how it is. Being our age in New York?
想成功就得努力干活 I mean, you have to hustle if you wanna make it here.
对 Right.
那样一定很辛苦 蜡烛多头烧 Well, I imagine that must be hard, juggling everything.
还有男朋友 And a boyfriend.
谁提到男朋友了 Who said anything about a boyfriend?
有一些谣言 Oh, there were... rumors.
你和班 You and Ben.
假戏真做 A show-mance?
我看你快花三小时解这个锁了 You know, as I go on hour three of watching you struggle with this lock,
我们应该唱诙谐歌 it occurs to me that we should run the patter song.
-不用了 我很好 -你从来没有好过 Don't need to. I'm good. You've never once been good.
我说了我很好 I said I'm good.
好吧 Well!
(更衣室) (班葛兰罗伊)
天啊 Ugh, Jesus.
我们在死人的更衣室里 而且有一堆死花 We're in a dead man's dressing room filled with dead flowers.
没什么比这个更糟了 Doesn't get worse than this.
其实有的 Oh, actually, it does.
你跟别人一样 认定我跟班搞在一起 So, like everyone else, you assumed I was sleeping with Ben?
没关系 It's okay.
在戏剧中饰演天真无邪的女性就是这样 It's all part of being the young woman on the show.
大家都认为你会跟明星上床 The ingénue. Everyone thinks that you're out to bed the star.
某方面来说也没错 And in a way, I was.
我不懂 I'm confused.
我要的不是性 而是背书 It wasn't sex that I wanted. It was an endorsement.
我要班发布 他不能没有我的精华液的蠢贴文 One stupid post from Ben about how he couldn't live without my serum.
我还帮他写好内容 I even wrote him the copy.
「我在电影中是毒蛇侠 "I might be CoBro in the movies, but in real life,
但我在现实生活中可不想顶着蛇皮」 I don't wanna walk around with snake skin."
好 最好再润饰一下 Yeah, that could use some work.
那是初稿啦 It was a first pass.
重点是 他答应会帮我 The point is he promised that he'd help me,
还说这样会让女创业家更有权力等等 and h-he made this whole thing about empowering female entrepreneurs.
结果最后临阵脱逃 Then, he backed out at the last minute.
所以我才上网拍卖他的首演夜礼物 Which is why I felt fine selling his opening night gift on eBay.
-手帕 -我赚了三百块 The hanky. I got a few hundred bucks for it,
但我现在很内疚 我把他唯一 but... now I feel guilty about giving away the only thing
给过我的东西卖掉了 that I'll ever have from him.
班不好相处 但他有亲切的一面 You know, Ben wasn't easy, but he could be sweet.
他对自己很严厉 He was hard on himself.
天啊 你该看看他在首演夜的样子 Oh, my God, you should have seen him on opening night.
他脸上的红色痕迹让他超惊慌的 H-He was panicking about this red mark on his face.
红色痕迹 他怎么会有 Red mark? How did he get it?
我不知道 I don't know.
但他找别人来帮他遮盖 But he called in someone else to help him cover it up.
我则被我卖不出去 赚不了生活费的精华液给淹没 Meanwhile, I am drowning in this serum that I can't sell to save my life.
它确实只是混了苏打水的凡士林 Granted, it is just Vaseline mixed with club soda,
但我用的瓶子很可爱 but I put it in a really cute bottle.
金柏 这真的很重要 Kimber, this is really important.
当时是谁在班的更衣室里 Who was in Ben's dressing room with him?
我不知道 I have no idea.
但不管那个人是谁 都很厉害 But, whoever it was was really talented
因为班出来时 红色痕迹都消失了 because when he came out, the red mark was gone.
(查尔斯:我们需要你)
等我一下 Uh, hold that thought.
哇靠 Holy shit.
(他妈的猪)
好 这是谁的唇膏 Okay, whose lipstick is this?
我想它属于我们的凶手 I would imagine it belongs to our killer.
-我有个推论 -什么 - I have a theory. - Yeah?
管服装的戈蒂 Goldie the wardrobe lady!
-为什么 -因为她很好取代 Why do you say that? 'Cause she's utterly replaceable.
如果管服装的戈蒂去坐牢 对我们的戏没什么影响 It won't affect our show one way or another if Goldie the wardrobe lady goes to jail.
重点是找到不会让我赔上东尼奖的凶手 The key here is to find a murderer that won't cost me the Tony.
太棒了 真有帮助 Great. That was a real help.
抱歉 我必须回家了 Apologies, I have to go home.
裘伊一直传食人鱼的照片给我 Joy keeps texting me photos of piranha,
我有点怕她会帮水族箱买一只 and I'm slightly scared she bought one for our fish tank.
-你能处理吧 梅宝 -但...对 我都能处理 - You've got this handled, Mabel? - What? Sure. I've got all of this.
(你不能永远无视我)
(好吧 我们要在哪见面 )
可以速战速决吗 Can we make this quick?
梅宝 Mabel.
-我现在会拥抱了 -我不会 - I hug now. - I don't.
真不错的转变 Nice transformation. I read about it.
我看过报导 你每晚都洗泥巴浴 Your nightly mud bath?
我说的吗 天啊 我真搞笑 Did I say that? God, I am a hoot.
只要打出有机牌 美国大众能接受的 You know, it's amazing the amount of steaming horseshit
狗屁数量真的很惊人 you can feed the American public if you tell them it's organic.
原来那全都是假的 So, all of that was fake?
你这一年的阅读 学习 还有「认真练习呼吸」 Your year of reading and learning and "getting serious about breathwork"?
我是做了不少 I did a lot of it.
我参加过静默静修营 I went on a silent retreat.
我一度蹲在镜子上方 赞颂我的外阴 At one point, I squatted over a mirror and celebrated my vulva.
但我已经投入这些时间 再穿这些罩衫两周 But I think I've put my time in. I figure two more weeks in these tunics,
我就能重操我热爱的旧业了 and I can get back to doing what I really love.
是什么 Which is...?
跟你一样 谋杀 Same as you. Murder.
坐吧 我帮你泡杯茶 Sit! Let me make you some tea.
我有事情想跟你谈一谈 There's something I wanna talk to you about.
拜托 你还有什么要忙的 Oh, come on. What else have you got to do?
抱歉我们来晚了 我们的猫有约 Sorry, we're late. Our cats were having a play date.
你们会很欣慰的 七号琳跟萧邦很合得来 You'll be happy to know Sevelyn hit it off with Chopin.
一开始很尴尬 但... It was a little awkward at first, but--
很难强调我对这件事有多没兴趣 Hard to oversell just how disinterested I am in this story.
好 我们开始吧 Okay, let's get started.
查尔斯 我等不及要看 你完美的新版诙谐歌了 Charles, I cannot wait to see your newly flawless patter song.
汤姆 开始吧 Tom, if you will.
-开始啰 -好 Here we go. Okay.
查尔斯 记住 这些婴儿会杀人 And Charles! Remember, these babies are homicidal.
-唱吧 -谢谢你 汤姆 - Sing. - Thank you, Tom.
是哪个匹克威三胞胎做的 哪一个会犯下如此罪行 ? Which of the Pickwick Triplets did it? ? ? Who of the crew would commit this crime? ?
小子岂能让妈咪应声落地 ? Might a little brat make a mommy go splat? ?
以童谣来说 这故事太血腥 ? It's a story pretty gory for a nursery rhyme, which-- ?
-是哪个匹克威三胞胎... -抱歉...抱歉 I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
你的手在搞什么东西 What the hell is happening with your hands?
我只是跟着节奏 这是我想到的一点动作 Oh, I'm just-- I'm just keeping the beat. It's a little choreo that I came up with,
我觉得这样更活泼 对吧 and, uh, I think it adds a little zazz, don't you?
抱歉 你刚才在搅拌吗 Sorry, were you whisking?
何必给它标签呢 Why label it?
我只是警官上身 我不知道他在做什么 It's just th-the Constable coming through me.
他有他自己的生命 I don't know what he's doing. H-He's got his own life.
我不喜欢 唱歌就好 Well, I hate it! Just sing.
-但这样比较好... -手放在背后 查尔斯 Oh, but I think it'd be good-- Hands behind your back, Charles!
谢了 Thanks.
是哪个匹克威三胞胎做的 哪一个蠢... ? Which of the Pickwick Triplets did it? ? ? Which of the froo wila-quick-fat froo? ?
? La-la-la ?
? Ba-ba. bum, bum, ba-da-bum ?
? Ba-dum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ?
? La-la, la-la, la ?
? Ah, la-la, la-la, la ?
? La-la-la-la-la-la ?
? La-la, la-la, la ?
? Ah, la-la, la-la, la ?
? La-la-la-la-la ?
我还穿着裤子 这是好迹象 Well, my pants are still on, so that's a good sign.
我从来没听过 刚从你口中窜出的那种污言秽语 I have never heard filth, like what just came outta your mouth!
汤姆是基督徒 查尔斯 Tom is a Christian, Charles!
今天休息吧 汤姆 去找个牧师祈祷 Take the day, Tom! Find a priest! Pray it out!
抱歉 汤姆 我不知道... I'm sorry, Tom! I don't know--
我现在要控制住局势 I'm taking control of this situation now.
到我办公室来 Step into my office!
都是这首歌 它把我逼疯了 It's this song! It's making me mental!
是因为歌吗 Is it the song?
查尔斯 我不是心理分析师... Look, Charles, I'm no psychoanalyst...
虽然我曾经说服伊迪娜曼佐从窗台下来 although I did talk Idina Menzel off a literal ledge once.
下次再讲那个故事 Story for another time.
但我在想是不是有别的事 But I'm wondering if there isn't something more going on.
-像是什么 -像是裘伊搬进你家 Like what? Like Joy moving in.
那是生活中很大的改变 That's a huge life change.
我认识你以来 你都是独居 Ever since I met you, you've been alone.
你也一直独居啊 Well, you've been alone, too.
对 但不像你那么可怜又悲惨 Yes, but not in the sad, tragic way you were.
好吧 Alright.
我承认我不太适应 I admit, I'm struggling.
我不知道我是怎么了 I don't know what's wrong with me.
我也想当一个能够把自己的家跟女人 I wanna be the guy who can do this, who can share his home with a woman,
甚至是62条鱼分享的男人 and, if necessary, 62 fish.
还真多条鱼 That's a lot of fish.
对吧 It is, right?
听着 我会违背我的直觉 对你说些好话 Look, I'm gonna go against my instincts here and say something nice to you.
也许你不需要改变 Maybe you don't need to change.
也许你就是你 而这样就够了 Maybe you are who you are, and that's enough.
我想有些人就是该单身 也许我是其中一个 I suppose some people are meant to be alone. And maybe I'm one of them.
但我要怎么请她搬出去 她才刚搬来 But, how can I ask her to move out? She just moved in.
你会想到说词的 You'll find the words.
弄得简单点 别想太多 Just keep it simple and don't overthink it.
你可以听听你自己的建议 Well, you could stand to take your own advice.
现在的重点是你的情感缺陷 不是我的 Hey, this moment is about your emotional shortcomings, not mine.
你就没为你的重要约会胡思乱想 Oh. And not about you overthinking your big date?
好啦 Fine.
(罗芮塔) (晚餐 )
送出 Send.
是这样的 Here's the thing.
我回真实犯罪圈一定要有策略 If I go back to true crime, it has to be strategic.
-你就派上用场了 -我要做什么 - That's where you come in. - Me? What the hell would I do?
当我的伙伴 Be my partner.
「《血腥梅宝秀》」 辛达坎宁监制 The Bloody Mabel Show produced by Cinda Canning.
-我已经有伙伴了 -那些老头 I already have partners. The old guys?
不对 他们正忙着筹备另一部百老汇烂戏 No, they're busy, putting together another bomb of a Broadway show.
哪有你的位置 Which leaves you where?
再说 当听众对亚柯尼亚大楼失去兴致 你要怎么办 Also, what are you gonna do when people stop keeling over at the Arconia?
你想过吗 没有 Have you thought about that? No, no.
血腥梅宝已经有过气的感觉了 Bloody Mabel is already feeling very last season.
你最好趁现在捞一笔 否则就没机会了 You might wanna monetize it soon, or you will have missed the boat.
我可以卖康普茶或在YouTube上开箱 I might sell kombucha. Or open boxes on YouTube.
做个副业 You know, do a side hustle.
你花了一年才画好阿姨公寓里的墙 It took you a year to paint a wall in your aunt's apartment.
副业不算是你的强项 Hustle is not exactly your middle name.
我提供的是组织 是收入 What I'm offering is structure. A paycheck.
听着 你或许需要复出 但我不需要 Look, you maybe need a comeback, but I don't.
我现在正忙着调查案子 I'm deep in a case right now.
你在...等等 什么 You're-- Wait, what?
班葛兰罗伊 Ben Glenroy.
你这个走运的贱人 Oh, you lucky bitch!
躺着都有谋杀案去找你 It's like these murders just fall in your lap!
当然了 你最好会袖手旁观 Of course! Like you were just gonna stand by
希望警方破案 and hope that the police got it right.
我还没有什么进展 Well, I haven't gotten very far.
我们最主要的线索没搞头 Our best lead just fizzled out.
你只要有对的伙伴就能查个水落石出 You can crack this. As long as you have the right partner.
听着 那些男人无法专心 年纪又大 Look, the guys are distracted. And old.
有时候下巴卡了食物都不知道 Sometimes, they get food stuck on their chin and they don't know it
我必须把它拨掉 有点烦人 and I have to flick it off, and that's kind of a bummer,
但他们是我的朋友 but I don't know. They're my guys.
真感人 That's beautiful.
那钱呢 有钱能使鬼推磨 我会写张支票给你 What about money? Money changes minds. I'm gonna write you a check.
我不要支票 I don't want it.
如果我再加个零呢 What if I add another zero?
不要 No.
再一个零呢 Another?
不要 No.
很好 因为那真的太多了 Okay, good, because that's actually too much.
但你考虑一下吧 我的邀约还有效 But think on it, because that offer is still on the table.
中间的邀约 不是最后的 我不知道我在干嘛 The middle offer, not the final one. I don't know what I was doing there.
我告诉鱼... So I told the fish, I said,
我说:「你们这周乖一点 我就犒赏你们」 "Fish, you behave this week, and I'm gonna get you a treat."
你看 And look!
是宝藏 Treasure!
我们应该谈谈 We should talk.
了解一下我们同居的状况 You know, check in about how it's going with us, uh, living together.
才过了48小时 It's been 48 hours.
裘伊 你也知道我一直都是自己生活 Well, you know, Joy, I've, uh, I've always been, uh, living alone.
我是跟人同居过几次 I mean, I've cohabitated here and there,
但当时我也常常躲在浴室 but even then, I found myself mostly hiding in the bathroom,
等着对方离开 waiting for the other person to leave,
以免我们一起待在同一个空间里 so we wouldn't find ourselves standing in the same room together.
那样可能会很尴尬 You know, which, which can be so awkward.
查理 你真是头号怪人 Charlie, you are a grade-A weirdo,
但我对你有好处 你对我也有好处 but I'm good for you, and you're good for me.
就像鱼 调节水族箱的酸碱值 需要一点时间 It's like the fish. It takes a minute to get the pH in the tank right,
但成功以后 大家都开心 but once you do... ? Everyone thrives ?
说重点吧 亲爱的 What's your point, honey?
重点 Oh, the point?
重点是... Oh, well, uh, the point...
? Ba-da, da-da-da ?
? Ba-ba, bum, bum, ba-da-bum ?
? Ba-dum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ?
? Ba-da-da-da-da ?
? Ah, la, la-la, la-la ?
? La-la-la-la-la-la ?
? La, la-la, la-la, ah ?
? La, la-la, la-la ?
? La-la-la-la... ?
不管我做了什么 很抱歉 Whatever I did, I'm sorry.
抱歉 Sorry?
查尔斯海登萨维奇 我很荣幸 Charles-Haden Savage, I'd be honored.
我的回复是好 The answer is yes!
我很乐意嫁给你 I would love to marry you!
这真是有趣的转折 Well, th-this is a fun twist.
恭喜你们 Congratulations?
你们相信吗 Can you believe it?
我们订婚了 We're getting hitched!
你找到我的唇膏了 You found my lipstick.
今天都已经是我人生中最棒的一天了 As if this wasn't already the best day of my life.
我最讨厌不完整的组合了 Nothing I hate more than an incomplete set.
? Ba-ba, bum, bum, ba-da-bum ?
? Ba-dum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ?
? Ba-da-da-da-da ?
? Ba-ba, bum, bum, ba-da-bum ?
? Ba-dum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ?
? La, la-la, la-la ?
? Ah, la, la-la, la-la ?
? La-la-la-la-la-la ?
? Ba-ba, bum, bum, ba-da-bum ?
? Ba-dum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ?
? La, la-la, la-la ?
? Ah, la, la-la, la-la ?
? La-la-la-la-la-la ?
字幕翻译:宋梅君