（前情提要）
班 每个人在首演夜都会紧张 Ben? Everyone gets opening night jitters!
我很好 I'm good.
我的评论本来会很严厉 My review was going to be a pan.
这出戏就是不响亮 This one... just didn't sing.
纽约警局 你们这些混蛋 NYPD, motherfuckers!
那个跟踪狂没有杀人 The stalker, he didn't do it!
凶手就在现场人员之中 The killer is someone in this room.
我们得听到审问内容 We've got to get in on those interviews.
这就是首演夜的怪声 The spooky sound from opening night.
有人在这里碎文件 Someone was in here shredding something.
我们得拼凑这些 其中可能有线索 We need to reassemble these. There might be a clue.
（老鼠药）
我们有审问的影片 We have the interrogations on tape.
我们全都录下来了 We recorded everything.
你不需要给我任何解释 You don't owe me any explanation.
这本书确实有点怪 Th-The book is a little odd.
这些不是班的照片 而是迪奇的照片 These aren't photos of Ben. They're photos of Dickie.
但当他死了 在那几个短暂的片刻 When he was gone for those brief moments,
我觉得好自由 I felt free.
然后他回来了 And then he was back.
我再也受不了了 I couldn't take it anymore.
一辈子都在为你的孩子着想 You spend your whole life looking out for your child,
你会想尽办法确保他们没事 and you'll do anything to make sure they're okay.
等等 是我做的 Wait! I did it.
我杀了班 I killed Ben.
你们不能这么做 别碰她 No, you can't do this! Leave her alone!
天啊 Oh, my God...
-奥利佛 怎么了 奥利佛 -奥利佛 Oliver? What's going on? Oliver!
快打电话 快求救 Call somebody! Get some help!
我十岁的时候 我的未来非常清晰 When I was 10, my future looked so clear to me.
嫁给乔许哈奈特… Married to Josh Hartnett
（疼痛强度表）
生两个小孩 开本田奥德赛 with two kids, driving a Honda Odyssey.
那种生活还不赖 Not a bad life.
还有一个要出来 用力 Got another one coming. Push.
等等 怎么回事 你们搞错了 Wait, what's going on? There's been a mistake.
我是来看一个朋友的 他心脏病发 I came here to see one of my friends. He had a heart attack.
别担心 你前面两次都做得很好 Don't worry. You did great with the first two.
继续用力 你要生三胞胎了 Just keep pushing. You're having triplets.
不对 我…三胞胎 No, I'm-- Triplets?
第三个宝宝来了 And now, baby three!
但儿时的幻想有个通病 But here's the thing about childhood fantasies.
-妈妈 -它们几乎都不会成真 They almost never come true.
恭喜你 Congratulations.
是线上电台 It's a podcast.
妈妈 妈妈 - Wah! - Mama!
梅宝 梅宝 - Wah! Wah! - Mabel... Mabel.
梅宝 梅宝 Mabel! Mabel!
梅宝 Mabel!
-医生说我可以回家了 -什么 The doctor said I can finally go home. What?
-对 -不行 不行 - No, no, no, no, no. - Yeah.
这个人五天前心脏病发作 The man had a full-on heart attack five days ago.
你们急忙把他送来 把支架装进他破旧的动脉… You rush him in here, stick in a stent to prop up his creaky artery.
没人说破旧 Nobody said creaky.
现在你们却要把他放生 Now, you're just gonna go and send him off into the world?
梅宝 我必须回去 Mabel, I need to get back.
我的戏两天后开演 My show opens in two days,
我的明星快被依谋杀罪起诉了 and my star is about to be charged with murder.
医生 你多做些检查比较保险 Doctor, maybe you should just run a few more tests to be sure?
他的身体对支架的反应非常好 His body responded very well to the stent.
但我相信你们都吓坏了 Although I'm sure it was quite a scare for all of you.
我才没吓坏 I wasn't scared.
是吗 Oh, is that so?
我听到你哀号的时候 只是假装昏倒而已 You know, I was just pretending to be unconscious when I heard you wailing,
「我不能失去他 回到我身边 你这个可爱的混蛋」 "I can't let him go! Come back to me, you sweet son of a bitch!"
我是在演给护士看 他们都很崇拜我 I was doing a performance for the nurses. They're big fans of mine.
我能不当查尔斯海登萨维奇吗 What am I gonna do? Not be Charles-Haden Savage?
承认吧 你超爱我的 Oh, admit it. You're obsessed with me.
真不敢相信我想念这些 Can't believe I actually missed this.
走吧 帕南 我们有事要做 Come on, Putnam. We've got work to do.
-对 对 -我们走 Yes, yes, yes. Let's go.
首先 For starters,
如果罗芮塔假意认罪来保护她儿子 if Loretta made up her confession to protect her son,
我们不就得证明她儿子是杀害班的真凶 才能救她出来 don't we need to prove that her son is Ben's real killer to get her out?
罗芮塔入狱几天了 Loretta's been in jail a few days now.
不知道她有没有剃头 练出肌肉 I wonder if she's shaved her head and gotten all jacked.
我不能让她背黑锅 她是我此生挚爱 I can't let her take the fall for this. She's the love of my life.
爱 我以为你们只是玩玩 Love? I thought you were just hooking up.
我们玩过了 Oh, we hooked up.
我们尽情玩过了 We hooked up big time.
我们上下都玩 每个方向都玩 We hooked up and down and every which direction.
-好 谢谢 够了 -你讲得出来的都玩过 You name a way, we did a hook. - Okay, alright, thank you. Enough.
-我保证我们会让她回来的 -好 I promise we will get her home to you. Okay.
不管她脸上现在有多少刺青 No matter how many face tattoos she has now.
查尔斯 我们巧妙录下的警方审问 有带来什么发现吗 Charles, did you learn anything from those police interrogations we so skillfully recorded?
其实我们还没看 Actually, we haven't watched them yet.
我们这段时间都坐在你床边 We were sitting by your bedside this whole time.
梅宝想等一等 你才能参与 Mabel wanted to wait so you could be a part of it.
感性的孩子 Little softy.
我没有…我又不是像 No! I-- I didn't-- It wasn't like I was like,
「我们手牵手一起看吧」 "Let's hold hands and watch it together."
而是像… It was just like...
闭嘴啦 Shut up.
好 我们现在锁定迪奇 Okay, we're focusing on Dickie.
罗芮塔显然认为他有罪 Loretta clearly thinks that he's guilty.
才会为了保护他而认罪 That's why she confessed to protect him.
班被人下毒 后来又被推下电梯井 Ben was poisoned, and then later pushed down the elevator shaft.
但我们不知道他死掉时 手中握着谁的手帕 But, we don't know whose hanky he was holding onto when he died.
有可能是迪奇的 I mean, it could be Dickie's.
我们知道 有人在他的镜子上写了「他妈的猪」 We know that someone wrote "fucking pig" in lipstick on his mirror,
还有他在盛怒中跟不知名人士说话的影片 and we have footage of him in a heated moment talking to an unseen person,
可能是他的爱人 possibly a lover.
我们可以停下来赞赏这神奇的一刻吗 C-Can we just take a beat to appreciate how magical this is?
我们三个终于合体 一起进行调查 The three of us, reunited at last, investigating as one.
梅宝 你对线上电台坚定不移 Mabel, you stayed faithful to the podcast.
应该由你来主导 You should take the lead.
就说…好麻吉回来了 Just... the besties are back.
那应该是开场白 That should be our opening line!
你刚刚才说应该由梅宝主导 You just said Mabel should take the lead.
我不能建议吗 Can't I make a suggestion?
我差点嗝屁 你还不让我活 I narrowly escaped death, and now you won't let me live?
-这他妈的好怪 -好 Oh, this is fucking weird. Okay, okay.
好麻吉回来了 The besties are back.
探戈舞需要两个人 It may take two to tango,
但为命运多舛的电影明星 解开谋杀之谜需要三个人 but it takes three to solve the murder of an ill-fated movie star.
欢迎收听新一集的《大楼谋杀疑云》 Welcome to a brand-new episode of Only Murders in the Building.
完美极了 Perfection.
破案三人行 第三季第九集
本WEB版外挂字幕由 风吹来的那片云 双语合并
（第三季 第九集） （三十）
我们去问迪奇 Let's just question Dickie
但别泄露罗芮塔是他母亲 without spilling that Loretta's his mother.
-我们没资格告诉他 -对 好 It's not our place to tell him. - Right.
这是你的 This one's for you.
你的包裹怎么还送到这来 Why do you still have packages coming here?
我们的老门房显然忘记我出院回家了 Our geriatric doorman obviously forgot I'm back from the hospital.
莱斯特小你半岁 Lester's six months younger than you.
「早日康复 帮我找新的女主角 "Get well soon and find me a new leading lady.
亲亲 唐娜」 Smooches, Donna."
我们不会需要新的女主角 We are not gonna need a new leading lady.
天啊 Oh, my God.
裘伊的婚纱 Joy's wedding dress.
裘伊请她妈妈寄她当年穿的婚纱来 她才能拿去改 等我们… She had her mom send the one she was married in, so Joy could have it altered for when she and I were...
我来吧 - I'll take this. - Yeah.
裘伊的妈妈还健在 Joy's mom is still alive?
对 她爸爸也是 Oh, yeah. Her dad, too. In fact,
他本来要抱着她小时候养的狗 牵她走红毯的 he was gonna walk her down the aisle holding her childhood dog.
准备出发了吗 We ready to go?
-时间不等人 -好 Uh, clock's ticking. Okay.
罗芮塔 对吧 So, Loretta, huh?
-我真的没想到 -是啊 I did not see that coming. Yeah.
对 我们也是 Yeah. Us neither.
你想听笑话吗 Hey, you wanna hear something funny? For a minute,
我们一度以为是你做的 we thought you did it.
是吗 为什么 You did? Wh-Why?
真的很蠢 Ah, it's so dumb. We, um,
我们知道他抢走你的《毒蛇侠》 we just know he stole CoBro from you. Uh-huh.
靠 真的吗 Shit. Really?
好 我以前确实很不满 Okay. Yeah, I was resentful.
对 你还跟我说你常帮他收拾善后 Yeah, and you told me you cover up things,
所以我认为你改过他的血检报告 so I kinda figured you covered up his blood work
好隐藏他体内的毒素 to hide the poison in his system.
我确实改了 I did do that.
我当时不知道他被人下毒 I mean, I didn't know he was poisoned when I did it.
只知道报告上有他不想公诸于世的东西 I just knew there was other stuff in there he wouldn't want getting out.
等等 你们相信我吧 Wait, you believe me, right?
当然相信 Oh, of course. Yes.
我只是好奇 班被推下来时 你在哪里 Out of curiosity, where were you when Ben was pushed to his death?
因为你显然没有推他 Because you weren't pushing him, obviously.
大家都知道 但除非… E-Everyone knows that. But, uh, unless...
我提早离开你的派对 I left your party early.
班死而复生让我大吃一惊 I was freaked the fuck out that Ben came back to life
我得离开那里 and I had to get outta there.
所以我… So, I...
我喝得烂醉 穿上班的毒蛇侠装 就去找毒品跟妓女了 I got wasted, put on Ben's CoBro suit, and went looking for drugs and whores.
-谁不会呢 -哇 - Well, who wouldn't? - Wow.
凭什么只有他能玩 Why should he have all the fun?
班喜欢那种东西 That's what Ben was into?
他每周四都会消失好几个小时 Every Thursday, he'd disappear for hours.
当我问起 他就会说我「陷人不义」 And when I asked about it, he'd say, "Snitches get stitches."
于是我追踪他的手机到百老汇 35街和36街之间的地方 So, I tracked his phone to a place on Broadway between 35th and 36th,
他都去那里跟他的五个妓女上床 where he'd go to... do sex with his "five whores,"
他都这么亲昵地称呼她们 as he so affectionately called them.
他甚至在首演夜帮她们预留位置 He even saved opening night seats for them.
崔希 金盏花 翠儿 点点和美美 Uh, Trixie, Marigold, Emerald, Dot, and Mei Mei.
你们看 Here.
我当时在外面 叫他们带五个妓女出来 I was outside, screaming for them to bring me the five whores.
我整晚都睡在那里 I slept there all night.
还被狗尿在身上 A dog peed on me.
我希望是狗啦 I hope it was a dog.
这证明班被人推下时 你不在亚柯尼亚大楼 This is proof you weren't at the Arconia when Ben was pushed.
我把当晚行踪告诉警方 他们就找到那个监视器画面 The cops got that image from a security camera after I told them where I was,
但我的脸不太清楚 他们本来不认它是不在场证明 but they didn't really buy it as an alibi, since you can't fully see my face.
我大概应该庆幸影片没声音 I guess I should just be grateful there isn't audio.
我真不敢相信是罗芮塔做的 I just can't believe Loretta did it.
其实我们不认为真的是她做的 Well, for what it's worth, w-we don't think she really did do it.
那她为什么要认罪 But why else would she confess?
-不知道 -剧场人都疯疯癫癫的 - No idea. - Oh, yeah, theater folk, cuckoo!
等一下 Wait a minute.
如果你们认为凶手还没被抓 If you guys think the killer's still out there,
我应该打给我的律师 I should probably call my lawyer.
如果他说的是实话 他就推不了班 Guys, if he's telling the truth, he couldn't have pushed Ben.
那代表罗芮塔为了清白的人担罪 That means that Loretta gave herself up for someone who didn't even do it.
如果能及时揪出真凶 If we can find the real killer in time,
也许我们能说服罗芮塔翻供 maybe we can convince Loretta to take back her confession.
查尔斯 她5点就会被传讯 Charles, her arraignment is at 5:00 p.m.
我们必须查出班死前那几天 We need to figure out what Ben was doing and who he was seeing
在做什么 见过什么人 in the last few days leading up to his death.
我们应该从百老汇和35街开始 I say we start at Broadway and 35th.
但我们不能没预约就走进妓院 Except we can't just walk into a brothel without a reservation.
我知道我们需要什么 I know what we need.
没人会阻止拿着梯子的人 它是万能通行证 Nobody stops a guy with a ladder! It gets you in anywhere.
梯子是新的火鸡 So the ladder's the new turkey.
如果拿着梯子的人 It might work better if the guy carrying the ladder
没穿矫正鞋和打扮得像小妖精 效果会更好 wasn't also wearing orthopedic shoes and dressed like a leprechaun.
嘿 就是这里 Hey, hey, this is it.
（线人布艺）
「线人布艺」 Snitches Get Stitches?
这是一间布行 It's a fabric shop.
不…不 这只是表面 No, no, no, no, no. It's a front.
妓院都爱用双关语来为假生意命名 Brothels always use puns to name their fake businesses.
我走到名叫「孤架寡人」的 橱柜店后头才知道的 I learned that by wandering in the back of a cabinet shop called All By My Shelf.
跟我来 让梯子发挥作用吧 Follow my lead! Let the ladder do the work.
等一下 我有更好的办法 Wait a second! I have a better way in.
没人会拒绝哭泣的男人 No one says no to a crying man.
我在《侦探布拉奏斯》第315集 「外汇杀手」演过一场戏 I did a scene in Brazzos, episode 315. The Foreign Exchange Killer.
真的很精彩 我流下一行清泪 It was a good one. And I cried a single solitary tear.
那一周的影迷信收到手软 几乎都是男人寄的 And that week, our fan mail went sky high.
想知道原因吗 Mostly from men. You wanna know why?
你帮助他们正视内心的感受 You helped them access their inner feelings.
对 但让我试试看 给我舞台吧 Yes. But just gimme a go. Gimme the stage.
不行…不行 我先 No, no, no, no. Me first.
住手 Stop it!
我只是来换灯泡的 Just here to change a light bulb!
你不能去后面 No, you can't go back there.
当然不行 老兄 Of course not, dude.
我们都知道后面的房间在干嘛 We all know what's going on in the back room.
眨眼示意 Wink, wink.
但你有看到我的梯子吗 But did you see my ladder?
抱歉 你讨厌我哭吗 I'm sorry. Is my crying upsetting you?
你没有在哭 You're not crying.
给我一点时间 Give it a minute.
这家伙真是铁石心肠 This guy's made of stone.
你有擦眼下的薄荷油吗 Do you have any menthol for under the eyes?
有 我有一整桶薄荷油 Yeah, I have a bucket of menthol.
你需要上厕所吗 后面有一间 Do you need a restroom? We have one in the back.
-太谢谢你了 快去 -谢了 - Oh! Thank you so much. Get in there. - Thanks.
你们就是那五个妓女 You're the five whores?
请你们别理他 Please ignore him!
抱歉 我们在找一群可能认识 I'm sorry. We were just looking for a group of women
-班葛兰罗伊的女性… -对 who might have known Ben Glenroy,
-但我们这就离开 -抱歉 but we'll just get out of the way. - Sorry.
小班 Benny!
对 我们认识他 Oh, yes! We knew him!
我们的缝纫团每周四都在这里见面 Our sewing circle met here every Thursday.
小班说缝纫能让他远离 街上那些危险的毒品 Benny said sewing kept him off all those dangerous street drugs.
我们非常想念他 We miss him terribly.
你们最后见面是何时 When was the last time you saw him?
他盛大的《临死之鸣》首演夜 his big opening night of Death Rattle.
我们整晚都在帮他车那些 要送给演员和剧组的 We'd stayed up all night helping him sew these lovely hankies for his cast
可爱手帕 顺便陪他练台词 and crew while running lines.
「在灯塔上的其他人都死了 保母 "Everyone else in that lighthouse is dead, Nanny.
所以凶手不是你 我 就是宝宝」 So the killer is either you, me, or the baby."
「我不会把赌注押在宝宝上 警探」 "I wouldn't bet on that baby, detective."
他想送他们特别的东西 He wanted to make something special for them.
比较个人的东西 Something personal.
他说他之前把多数剧团成员 当作一坨热腾腾的牛粪看待 He said he treated a lot of them like a steaming pile of cow manure.
我们及时完成那些手帕 小班就去剧院了 We finished those hankies just in time, and off Benny went to the theater.
谢谢你们 Thank you. Thank you.
我们到时候在剧院见 I'm gonna see you all at the theater, ladies.
-我们支持你 再见 -爱你们哦 - We're rooting for you. Bye. - Love you.
但是… But then...
美美 我的手机 Mei Mei, my phone.
嘿 是我 小班 Uh, hey! It's, uh, it's me. It's Benny.
你们会来看戏吗 A-Are you guys coming to the show?
我真的很需要你们来 I really need you t-to be here.
我从没感到这么孤单过 Uh, I've just never felt... so alone.
班 Ben?
每个人在首演夜都会紧张 我能帮你化解 Everyone gets opening night jitters! I can talk you through it.
是我在开演前说的话 That's me just before curtain.
我得走了 请你们快点来 I-I gotta go. Please get here soon.
我身边都是我无法信赖的人 他们都想搞我 I'm surrounded by people I can't trust. They're all out to get me.
听到他那么沮丧真令人难受 It's so hard to hear him like that.
他本来很期待我们能去看戏的 He was so excited for us to see the show.
-好吧 可以了 -谢谢你们 - Alright. Okay. Okay. - Thank you.
-很遗憾 -谢谢…谢谢你们 - Sorry. - Thank you. Sorry. Thank you so much.
这是给你们的 Oh, this... It's a gift for you.
-是一把梯子 -谢谢你 It's a-a ladder. Oh, thank you!
抱歉我叫你们妓女 Sorry for calling you whores.
没关系 我以前是 Oh, that's alright. I used to be one.
好 真有意思 再见 Okay. That's... interesting. Bye.
班兴冲冲抵达剧院后到底发生什么事 So what happened from the time Ben arrived at the theater,
让他30分钟后留下那么苦恼的语音留言 on top of the world, to leaving a distressed voicemail 30 minutes later?
他认为想搞他的人是谁 I mean, who did he think was out to get him?
我已经知道调查方法了 警方的问话 I already know how we can find out. The interrogations.
威廉斯盘问过当晚和班接触过的每个人 Williams questioned everyone who crossed paths with Ben that night,
我们可以用问话内容 整理出那30分钟的时间轴 and we can use those interrogations to make a timeline of that 30 minutes!
我就知道你会有好主意 上一个都是半年前的事了 Ah! I knew you were due for a good idea since your last one six months ago.
你上次提议我们分摊 《纽约客》的数位订阅费 When you proposed we go halfsies on a New Yorker digital subscription.
-那是你的主意 -很好 - That was your idea. - Oh, good.
你欠我32块 我还要留着免费的托特包 You owe me $32, and I'm keeping the free tote.
大伙 第一个是KT Shh, guys. KT's up first.
所有演员都得在「半小时」前到剧院 All actors must be at the theater for what we call "half hour."
也就是开演前30分钟要出现 做好准备 Boots on the ground 30 minutes before curtain.
不是28或29分钟 是30分钟 Not 28, not 29, 30.
班当然迟到了 Ben, of course, was late.
你看 我给大家的礼物 Check it! I have gifts for everyone.
你他妈跑哪去了 快穿上戏服 Where the fuck have you been? Get into costume!
快去 Go!
KT真的是扫兴大王 KT sure knows how to kill a mood.
有人应该跟她谈谈她的语气 Someone should really talk to her about her tone.
-接着是制作人的儿子 -小克 - Oh, the producer's son is up next. - Oh, Cliff.
我看到班时 他刚被KT骂 I saw Ben right after KT yelled at him.
我不喜欢她的语气 Not a fan of her tone.
史玛柯里饼干 很好吃哦 Schmackary's? They're so good.
我妈特地订的 你看上面的摇铃 很酷吧 Mom ordered them special. Check out the rattles. Can you even?
把它们拿远一点 我要断食到戏演完 You know what, get those away from me. I'm fasting till after the show.
等等 不要 Wait! No.
让我闻闻它 Let me just smell 'em.
我说把它们拿远一点 I said get them away from me!
听着 我要你留意我今晚的五个来宾 Hey, listen. I need you to check on my five guests for tonight.
翠儿 崔希 金盏花 点点和美美 Emerald, Trixie, Marigold, Dot, and Mei Mei.
那五个妓女 The five whores.
抱歉 我的大脑是那样认识她们的 Sorry. I-- That's how I learned them in my brain.
-查尔斯 借过一下 谢谢 -好 Charles, can you scooch a little? Thanks. Sure.
那是新情报 班开演前在断食 So that's new. Ben was fasting before the show.
继续看吧 Let's keep going.
我承认班让我气死了 I'll admit, I was furious with Ben.
谁会在自己的首演夜迟到 I mean, who shows up late to his opening night?
他老是有问题 It was always something with him,
所以… which is why...
罗芮塔才会鼓励我离开他 Loretta was encouraging me to leave him.
我只是觉得你值得更好的对待 I just... I just think you deserve so much better, you know?
你看你的手臂 Look at your arm. Aw...
这是压力性的荨麻疹 These are stress hives.
我叫它「小班疹」 I call 'em "Benny bites."
那我给你的药膏呢 What about that cortisone cream I gave you?
-你擦了吗 -擦了 Did you use that? I did.
我们怎么没发现她是他母亲 How did we not get that she's his mother?
她好像快给他奶瓶了 I feel she's about to give him a bottle.
罗芮塔是不是很美 Doesn't Loretta look pretty?
你有写一张辞职时要说的重点吗 And did you make that list of bullet points to say when you quit?
那对我总是很有帮助 相信我 That always helps me, I tell you.
我拿给你看 Sure. Yeah.
糟糕 他来了 Uh-oh, incoming.
-鲁蛇在传纸条 -嘿 - Hey! - You losers passing notes?
好 Okay,
我要去暖身了 I'm gonna go warm up.
打斗排练时见了 See you at fight call.
还给我 Give it!
等等 这啥 Wait, what is this?
你要辞职 Are you quitting?
我本来想等戏演完的 I was gonna wait till after the show.
她怂恿你这么做 对吧 Sh-She put you up to this.
他妈的罗芮塔 她从第一天就在离间我们 'Cause you know fucking Loretta, she's been... she's been driving a wedge between us from day one.
不是罗芮塔 是你 It's not Loretta! It's you!
我这辈子都在伺候伟大的班葛兰罗伊 I've spent my entire life catering to the great Ben Glenroy!
我们都知道他可不好相处 Who we all know isn't exactly a delight to be around!
你看第四点 See bullet point four!
好啊 行啊 我他妈的才不在乎 You know what? Fine. Alright, fine. Go. Fuck if I care!
反正你是个烂经纪人 You're a lousy manager anyway.
而且你当哥哥更烂 And you know what? And you're an even lousier brother.
我知道你自认是原创 但我才是毒蛇侠 I know you think you created it, but I am CoBro!
不对 你知道吗 Actually, no. You know what?
你这样背叛我 我是独子侠 The way you just betrayed me? I'm NoBro.
因为我没有哥哥了 Because I don't have a brother anymore.
罗芮塔鼓励迪奇离开班 Loretta was encouraging Dickie to leave Ben?
乱七八糟 下一个是谁 Messy, messy. Who's next?
班来了以后 我去KT的办公室拿仪式要用的扫把 After Ben arrived, I went to KT's office to get the ritual broom.
门是锁着的 The door was locked,
我觉得很奇怪 which I thought was odd.
真奇怪 That's odd.
（碎纸机）
我确认一下碎纸机的进度 I'll do a progress check on the shredder.
于是 高明的哈尔德法兰司莫里斯 And so, it was the brilliant Howard Francis Morris
破解了这个案子… who cracked the case
真他妈要命 by-- Oh, fuckity fuck!
哈尔德说他还需要时间 Howard says he needs more time.
要是我没弄错 接着就是班和罗芮塔的打斗排练 If I'm not mistaken, next up is Ben and Loretta's fight call rehearsal.
她在我们约会时说过 Oh, she told me about this on our date.
班指控我想把迪奇从他身边抢走 Well, Ben accused me of trying to steal Dickie from him.
这就发生在他得知他哥哥要辞职以后 And this was just moments after he learned his brother was quitting.
-你迟到了 -随便啦 You're late. - Whatever.
快点搞定吧 Let's just do this.
够了 警探 That's enough, Detective.
我不会让你带走宝宝的 I'm not gonna let you take that baby.
你只是个保母 You are just a nanny.
你不能留着他 你不是他母亲 You can't keep him. You're not the mother.
他现在需要我当他的母亲 He needs me to be his mother now.
我有责任要保护他 把他当做亲生骨肉 It's my job to protect him as if he were born of my own flesh!
哇 这台词真是贴切 Wow, this dialogue really lines up.
你在做什… What are you...
离我们的生活远一点 Stay out of our lives!
-什么 -我是认真的 - What? - I mean it!
他妈的离我哥远一点 Stay the fuck away from my brother.
他对你那么忠心 你却不把他当回事 He's been nothing but loyal to you! All you do is treat him like shit!
你靠蒙混挤进这出戏 You weaseled your way into this production.
不要 放开我 你他妈的猪 No! Let me go, you fucking pig. Hey, look.
你们看 是我 天啊 我好苍白 There's me. God, I'm pale.
发生什么事 What the hell's going on?
我讲话是那样 Is that what I sound like?
他攻击我 He attacked me!
我没有 我们在排练 What? No, I didn't. We were rehearsing.
别管闲事 混蛋 Stay out of it, fuck bag.
嘿 Hey!
你打…我的脸 That's... My face!
我还是不敢相信你打了他 I still can't believe you hit him.
你何不写上「为正当理由」 Well, why don't you add "for good reason" to the board?
或是「查尔斯揍了班 他活该」 Or "Charles punches Ben and he had it coming"?
总之 裘伊就在这时帮他遮盖淤血 Anyway, this is where Joy comes in to touch up the bruise,
它又没多糟 which wasn't that bad anyway.
好 放松 拳王 Yeah, easy, Cassius.
裘伊把她的唇膏忘在班的更衣室 Joy leaves her lipstick behind in Ben's dressing room, and...
下一个见到他的人是谁 who's the next person to see him?
我确实见过班 I did see Ben, yes.
就在我帮小克信心喊话以后 It was right after I gave Cliff a little pep talk.
我的胃揪成一团 My tummy is in knots.
快要开演了 Oh, it's almost showtime.
我为这出戏投入一切 它必须红翻天 I've put everything into this play. I need it to be a hit.
会的 我不会让你失败 宝贝 妈咪亲一下 Oh, it will be. I won't let you fail, sweetie. Here's a kiss from Mommy.
嘿 Hey!
我的来宾呢 她们不在座位上 Wh-Where are my guests? I don't see them in their seats.
对 塞车蛮严重的 Yeah, I think traffic's pretty bad.
联合国大楼那边好像有事 Something's happening at the UN. I don't know what.
我要抵制国际政治 直到大家好好相处 You know, I'm boycotting global politics until everyone just gets along.
妈的 Fuck.
我就直说了 班 今天是首演夜 而你气色糟透了 I'm going to be straight with you, Ben. It's opening night, and you look like shit.
看得到痕迹吗 Can you see a mark?
什么 What?
他妈的查尔斯和罗芮塔 我受够他们两个了 It's f-fucking Charles and Loretta. I-I'm done with them both!
我不知道你怎么了 亲爱的 I don't know what's going on with you, darling,
但这不是好的能量 but this is not a good energy.
回你的更衣室吧 对班好一点 Go to your dressing room. Be nice to Ben.
不计一切让你做好上台的准备 Do whatever it takes to get your ass ready to go on that stage.
好吧 Alright.
你在这里啊 Oh, hey, you're here!
对 不然会在哪里 Yeah, where the shit else would I be?
也是 我们开始拍一些幕后花絮吧 Right. Well, how about we start shooting some behind-the-scenes stuff, huh?
老兄 我不是你动物园里的动物 Look, dude, you-- I-I'm not an animal in your zoo.
什么 你花钱雇用我来拍的耶 What? I'm doing the thing you're paying me to do.
你知道吗 You know what?
-不拍了 -等等 Not anymore. Wait!
东西给我 你他妈的给我滚 Gimme that! Why don't you fuck the fuck off?
你知道吗 You know what?
我他妈乐意极了 Fucking happy to!
（班说话的对象 ）
班把托伯特的摄影机拿进他的更衣室 So, Ben takes Tobert's camera
而它拍到他跟某个人讲话 into his dressing room where he's caught talking to somebody.
快看 Watch.
我他妈的好想要你 I want you so fucking bad.
但你会毁掉我的事业… But you're gonna ruin my career.
而我会很高兴 And I'm gonna like it.
他到底在跟谁说话 Who the hell is he talking to?
我们没漏掉任何人 Everyone's accounted for.
朋友们 这就是所谓的死胡同 This, my friends, is what we call a dead end.
我对班说：「我知道你做了什么」 I told Ben, "I know what you did."
但我没看到事情的全貌 But I didn't have the whole picture.
他…他的哥哥要离开他 我揍了他 H-His brother was leaving him. I punched him.
他在断食 He was fasting.
他那些缝纫婆妈朋友困在联合国的车阵里 His elderly sewing ladies got stuck in UN traffic
根本没看到戏 and didn't even see the show.
而且这全都发生在 他的百老汇处女秀开演前30分钟 And all this goes on 30 minutes before his Broadway debut
他前晚还熬夜帮大家做手帕 after being up all night making hankies for everybody?
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
需要手帕擦眼泪的人是班才对 It was Ben who needed a hanky to cry into.
老天 Oh jeez!
我的泪腺失守了 The damn has burst!
有一点啦 一点点泪水 Nah, there's a little bit.
-对 不多 -是啊 There's a little something. - Eh, not much.
幸好那结束了 Thank God that's over.
班一定是在那段时间 被他说话的对象下毒的 Ben must have been poisoned in that pocket of time by whoever he was talking to.
-如果我们能查出… -放弃吧 If we could just figure out-- Give it up.
不知道的事就是不知道 We don't know what we don't know.
抱歉 奥利佛 Sorry, Oliver.
我们应该来不及破案 让罗芮塔自由了 I don't think we're gonna solve this in time to free Loretta.
大概没关系吧 I suppose it's fine.
我就悲伤 寂寞地死去吧 I guess I'll just die sad and alone.
想知道我刚才是怎么落泪的吗 Wanna know how I was able to access those tears just now?
我想到裘伊的事 I thought about Joy.
看到她的婚纱有挨一拳的感觉 Seeing her wedding dress was like a punch in the gut.
听说她在跟巴库拉交往 I hear she's with Bakula now.
史考特还是杰夫 Scott or Jeff?
史考特 Scott.
杰夫巴库拉是谁 Who's Jeff Bakula?
你们都不是我在「鲁蛇大赛」的对手 Meh, I have both of you beat in the "we're losers" competition.
我还没把生活整顿好 I still don't have my life figured out,
还没破解这个案子 又没有地方住 I haven't solved this case, and I have no place to live.
还是很茫然 Still lost.
你不用把人生想清楚 你有时间 You don't have to have it all worked out. You've got time.
是啊 跟十岁的梅宝说吧 Yeah, well, tell that to 10-year-old Mabel.
这是我小时候的「未来的我」 This is a MASH from when I was a kid.
就是一个预测未来的游戏 You know, the game that tells you your future?
总之 我的结果是我会嫁给乔许哈奈特 Anyway, mine predicted that I would be married to Josh Hartnett,
有两个小孩 with two kids,
开本田奥德赛 driving a Honda Odyssey.
我以前对这结果深信不疑 I was so sure this MASH was right.
我逼我妈在我30岁时把它寄给我 I made my mom promise to send it to me when I turned 30.
今天收到的 时机正好 Came in the mail today, so perfect timing.
等等 Wait.
你是说今天是你30岁生日 Are you saying today's your 30th birthday?
你却忙着跟我们两个到处找线索 And you spent it running around looking for clues with the two of us?
坦白说 我宁可这样过生日 Honestly, there's no way I'd rather spend it.
要是十岁的梅宝看到你现在的生活 她会说什么 What do you think 10-year-old Mabel would say if she could see how your life actually turned out?
她会吓得半死 Oh, she'd be horrified.
但她懂什么 她在成衣店购物耶 But what the fuck did she know? She shopped at Wet Seal.
我办到了 我把碎掉的纸拼好了 I did it! I solved the shredder paper!
但我贴胶带贴太久 视线模糊了 But I've been taping too long. My vision's gone blurry.
我看不清楚 I can't read it.
-不对 在这边 -你在这里啊 好 - No, no, o-over here. Yes, okay. - Oh, you're over here.
我的老天爷 OM God!
我知道这是什么 I know what this is.
-这么快 -有这三个字就够了 - That fast? - No, I just need to read two words.
我永远忘不掉的三个字 「不响亮」 Two words I'll never forget. "Didn't sing."
这是麦欣对旧版的戏的评论 This is Maxine's review of my original show,
但它从来没被公开 but it was never published.
-怎么会有人拿到 -三个字 How did someone get ahold of this? Two words.
我需要近视雷射 而他只需要三个字 I need to get LASIK, and he only needed two words.
-那是什么 -被撕碎的纸 What is that? - Torn paper?
我得把它粘起来 I need to tape it together.
看看你们对我做的好事 Look what you've turned me into!
这篇评论说班是这出戏的败笔 This review says Ben was the weak link of the show.
她说：「他就跟他所站的灯塔一样僵硬」 She said, "He was as wooden as the lighthouse he's standing on."
万一当晚有人看到这个呢 What if someone read this that night?
也许那个人决定除掉班来挽救这出戏 Maybe they decided to get rid of Ben to save the play.
很多人的事业都需要它卖座 There are a lot of careers riding on it being a hit.
我当然不在其中 我本来就是电视圈的老兵 Not mine, of course. I came to it as an established TV veteran.
对 谢谢你的贡献 Yes, and thank you for your service.
两位 Guys?
这可能就是动机 This could be our motive.
我们有进展了 Now we're getting somewhere!
我需要补充能量 I-I need to refuel.
查尔斯 希望你有沾酱 Charles, please tell me you have some dips...
冰箱里应该有些挪威红鲱鱼 I think there's some Norwegian red herring in the fridge.
那篇评论有提到我的表演吗 Hey, did that review mention my performance?
没有 没提到 Oh, uh, no. Nothing.
真的吗 我的角色蛮重要的 Really? 'Cause I kinda had a big, big role--
查尔斯 不要 Charles, don't.
祝你生日快乐 ? Happy birthday to you! ?
祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you!
生日快乐 亲爱的梅宝 ? Happy birthday, dear Mabel ?
祝你生日快乐 ? Happy birthday to you! ?
-你要降音 真难听 -抱歉 我知道 - You're flat, horrible. - I know.
-算了 -谢谢你们 Thank you, guys.
来 许愿吧 Come on. Make a wish.
-嘿 快坐下来 -好 Ah, yes. Hey, come on. Sit down.
给你 There you go.
-生日快乐 -谢谢 Happy birthday. - Thank you.
他们试着把我们分开 They tried to keep us apart,
逼我吃有益心脏健康的饮食 make me stick to my heart-healthy diet,
但你还是回来找我了 but you found your way back to me.
奥利佛 继续说 Oliver, keep going.
-对 为什么 -我知道你也感觉到了 Yeah-- Why? I know you feel it, too.
你要我…不 你需要我撕裂你 You want me-- No, you need me to tear into you,
你这个淘气的小情人 you naughty little mistress.
我知道班是跟谁说话了 I know who Ben was talking to.
等等 Wait!
东西给我 你他妈的给我滚 Gimme that! Why don't you fuck the fuck off?
你知道吗 我他妈乐意极了 TOBERT [muffled]: You know what? Fucking happy to!
你不该来这里的 You're not supposed to be here.
我们都知道你很坏 We both know you're bad.
天啊 我要你 God, I want you.
我他妈的好想要你 I want you so fucking bad.
但你会毁掉我的事业… But we both know you'll ruin my career
而我会很高兴 and I'm gonna like it.
天啊 Oh, my God!
你他妈的做了什么 What the fuck did you just do?
你把它吃光了 You ate the whole thing.
你真是恶心 You're disgusting.
罗芮塔说得对 Loretta was right.
你是他妈的猪 You're a fucking pig.
你是他妈的猪 You're a fucking pig!
你是他妈的猪 You're a fucking pig.
你是 You... are...
他妈的猪 a fucking... pig!
猪 Pig!
你是他妈的猪 You're a fucking pig!
他妈的猪 Fucking pig!
我是崔希 This is Trixie.
请留言给我 Please leave me a message.
嘿 Uh, hey!
是我 小班 It's, uh, it's me. It's Benny.
你们会来看戏吗 A-Are you guys coming to the show?
我真的很需要你们来 I really need you t-to be here.
我从没感到这么孤单过 I've just never felt so alone.
班 每个人在首演夜都会紧张 Ben! Everyone gets opening night jitters!
我能帮你化解 I can talk you through it.
我得走了 请你们快点来 I-I gotta go. Please get here soon.
我身边都是我无法信赖的人 他们都想搞我 I'm surrounded by people I can't trust. They're all out to get me.
我很好 I'm good.
这段时间以来 班说话的对象都不是人 This whole time, it wasn't who Ben was talking to.
而是东西 It was what.
要是最后那30分钟没这么残酷 You think if those last 30 minutes hadn't been so brutal,
也许班就不需要吃饼干了 maybe Ben wouldn't have needed to eat that cookie.
也许他会继续活着 Maybe he'd still be alive.
那块饼干 That cookie!
是唐娜给的 It was from Donna.
梅宝 评论对班的表演是怎么说的 Mabel, what did that review say about Ben's performance?
它说他跟灯塔一样僵硬 It said he was as wooden as the lighthouse.
唐娜在乐团彩排说过一样的话 Donna said that exact thing at sitzprobe.
她已经看过评论了 She'd read the review.
她老是吹嘘她跟报社的关系 A-And you know, she was always bragging about her connection to the paper.
她一定用花言巧语 让某个人泄露评论给她 I bet she sweet-talked someone into slipping her a copy.
她破坏她自己的戏 She'd sabotage her own play?
不是她的 It wasn't hers.
是她儿子的 It was her son's.
他第一个作品 His first production.
如果评价不好 可能也是他最后一个 And if it had been panned, it could have also been his last.
我们先假设唐娜弄到评论 So, let's say Donna gets her hands on the review
而它说班是这出戏的败笔 which says Ben is the weak link of the show.
真奇怪 That's odd.
她看到老鼠药… She spots the rat poison.
还有饼干 Then, the cookie.
她就有了对班下毒的想法 And she gets the idea to poison Ben.
她留饼干给他 深知那是他的弱点 She leaves him the cookie, knowing it's his weakness,
而且他的心情非常低落 and that he's in a bad spot emotionally.
完美的诱惑 The perfect temptation.
这下她只要确保他吃下饼干 All she has to do now is make sure he eats the cookie.
回你的更衣室吧 对班好一点 Go to your dressing room. Be nice to Ben.
不计一切让你做好上台的准备 Do whatever it takes to get your ass ready to go on that stage.
好吧 Yeah.
你在这里啊 Oh, hey, you're here!
对 不然会在哪里 Yeah, where the shit else would I be?
也是 我们开始拍一些幕后花絮吧 Right. Well, how about we start shooting some behind-the-scenes stuff, huh?
老兄 我不是你动物园里的动物 Look, dude, you-- I-I'm not an animal in your zoo.
我们有了动机 剧评 So, we have our motive, the review.
还有凶器 一块饼干 We have the murder weapon, a cookie.
当饼干没发挥效果 And when the cookie doesn't work,
她就把他推下电梯井 she pushes him down the elevator shaft.
（推）
她整晚在派对上进进出出 She was in and out of that party all night.
要停下来杀人很容易 She could have easily made a murderous pit stop.
那么 So
我们有凶手了 唐娜 we have our killer, Donna.
我们能救罗芮塔出来了 Which means we can get Loretta out!
我可不确定 I-I don't know.
她20分钟后就会被传讯 法院又在市中心 Her arraignment's in 20 minutes, and the courthouse is way downtown.
我也没有梯子了 And I'm all out of ladders.
我一天也没办法哭两次 And I can't cry twice in one day.
除非我想到我爸或我妈 Unless I think of my dad. Or my mom.
或是我童年的任何时刻 Or any moment from my childhood.
-梅宝 怎么了 -没人会阻挡新娘 Mabel, what is it? Nobody stops a bride.
我还是不懂你们干嘛穿礼服 I still don't get why you guys wore tuxes.
我从不放过穿礼服的机会 Oh, I never miss a chance to put on my tux.
我上次穿这套是1987年的艾美奖 Last time I wore this was 1987 Emmys.
等等 那代表…贝贝纽沃斯的电话 Wait, wait! That means... Hey! Bebe Neuwirth's phone number!
-等等 拜托 -糟了 Oh! Oh, oh, oh! Oh no!
新娘需要计程车 拜托 A bride needs a cab, please.
-新娘 新娘需要计程车 谢谢 -谢谢 Bride. Bride needs a cab. Oh, thank you.
-你下车 你上车 -谢谢你 You, out. You, in. Thank you, ma'am!
真是太好了 That's very good.
想知道我许什么愿吗 Wanna know what I wished for
对着插在沾酱里的生日蜡烛 over that birthday candle stuck in a tub of dip?
-就是这个 -谢谢你们 You're looking at it. Thank you--
我跟两个死党一起调查谋杀案 Me with my two besties doing murder stuff.
这种生活还不赖 Let's go, let's go, let's go! Not a bad life.
等等 慢下来 你们有预约吗 Wait. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Y'all got an appointment?
这是我的婚礼 女士 It's my wedding, ma'am.
-你们是她的两个爸爸 -没错 And you guys are, what, her two dads?
-我们都是新娘的父亲 -真有趣 That's right. We're the fathers of the bride.
你的新郎在里面 - Oh, that's fun. - So you got a groom in there?
为什么一定要有新郎 Why does there always have to be a groom?
-祝福你们 -谢谢你 - Many happy returns. - Thank you.
她在那里 There she is.
罗芮塔 等等 Loretta, wait!
奥利佛 你来做什么 Oliver, what are you doing here?
我是来阻止你的 别认罪 I came to stop you. Don't plead guilty.
哇 你穿橘色真好看 Wow. You look... great in orange.
是吗 I do?
谢了 Thanks.
-你看起来也很帅 -是吗 You look really nice, too. I do?
这件旧衣服 我… Oh, this old thing. I...
我们知道是谁杀了班 We know who murdered Ben.
你认罪是为了救迪奇 但我们能证明他没杀人 You only confessed to save Dickie, but he didn't do it. And we can prove that.
你得相信我 You have to trust me.
我确实相信你 I do. I trust you.
我只是… I just...
已经在这条路上走得太远了 I've gone down this road so far already.
你们认为是谁做的 Who do you think did it?
奥利佛 Um, Oliver?
真他妈要命 Fuckity fuck.
字幕翻译：宋梅君